For once in my life, I'm speechless (a week of sorrow)

Yes, me. Speechless. I've been thinking I needed to update the blog for a while, but haven't had the right words. It's been a really not-fun week.

Last weekend, while on trauma call, I lost my great-grandmother. 89 beautiful, happy years. 26 years of memories of her by my side. And then she was gone. We knew it was coming as she's been ill for about the last three weeks.. and it was a very peaceful, happy, pain-free death. I still haven't completely processed it and don't know when I will. It's hard to be sad when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a person is happier and better off in heaven. Especially after leading a good, full life. But on the other hand - it's hard not to be when you miss someone. I missed the funeral Tuesday. First time in my life I've missed a funeral for a family member. I thought about asking off, but decided I didn't know where I'd want to be (with dad at the funeral or with mom at home) and I was too exhausted to figure it out. I decided to take today instead, when I could likely see them both in the same place.

Two days later, I got the news that one of my mom's corneal transplants had rejected and she'd be needed an emergency transplant. The following day - that the transplant had to be put on hold because there was bacteria in the cultures (and the eye has to be completely clean before the transplant). It puts her in a state of limbo and a lot of pain, neither of which I'm a fan of. We could use your prayers.

And yesterday, I witnessed one of the worst experiences of my medical career thus far. Surgery hasn't been for me from the beginning, but that solidified any thought I had of possibly thinking it was "ok for now". It's just too high risk and too alwaysstressful. To me there's a difference in a patient's life in your hands (over an antibiotic you prescribed) and a patient's life in your hands (because they're gutted open on an OR table). That, and if you guys didn't know before, I'm not a fan of adults.

This weekend I'm hoping to catch up on some sleep if I remember how, and break the funk to make it through another week or so without being completely miserable. At least it's almost time for the second half of the rotation - the only exciting thing about this is that it's the second half of the rotation. And the heavy lead I get to wear in the OR, which ups the chances of me passing out/throwing up/otherwise being kicked out :)

It is 34 days, 14 hours, 25 minutes, 40 seconds until the end of surgery. It cannot come a moment too soon.

God's will

Over the last couple of weeks, I strongly questioned- even angered - at my surgery schedule? WHY God, why? You know what I want to do with my life, you know what I need to make me a stronger pediatrician...

And then I was on call Wednesday night, and it all became crystal clear. Due to this (horrible) set of surgery schedules, my call schedule worked out a certain way. I was on call for God when He, and some very special people in my life, needed me most. I was on call for the night when pediatric trauma and pediatric sadness was at an all time high.

And no matter what happens for the next seven weeks, I'll hush my mouth. Because indeed it was His plan to put me here at this time. And for me, in some small way, to make a difference for a very special family.

Thank you, God, for unexpected blessings. My heart aches for those who love you.

Finding my place..."the decision"

"Keep an open mind", everyone said. "Don't decide what you want to do early, you'll change your mind a million times". Before I ever went to med school, I knew I wanted to be a pediatrician. At orientation, I wanted to be a pediatrician. After first year, I was pumped to spend a summer in the NICU where I was completely in love with the babies. Second year, I still wanted to be a pediatrician.

But then, third year came. And all the advice/doubts/worries started flooding my mind. "Keep an open mind". I looked at every rotation as a possible life choice. First was OB/GYN. I LOVED delivering babies. For the first time, I questioned my lifelong goal of becoming a pediatrician. I thought "if I hate peds, I could do this for a living.". Sure, the hours suck - and I'm not much on the GYN, but delivering babies, that's cool. Next was internal medicine, which I quickly knew was not for me. Same for psych.

I convinced myself I wouldn't like teenagers (maybe peds isn't for me).... then I had one on IM and loved it.
I convinced myself I wouldn't like school age kids... and then I loved it.
I never questioned my love for the babies, but all the pieces began to fit together finally.
I prayed, and I prayed hard. That I'd be able to "keep my mind open", and if peds was NOT where I was supposed to be, I'd be open to His ultimate decision.

This week, all the confidence I had in myself and God's plan for my life aligned. Yes, pediatrics IS for me. I'm happy to get out of bed every morning. I smile all day. I love playing games to get a physical exam done because a little one is crying, I love making my job fun, I love the people that work in pediatrics, and I love the happiness that's been brought to my life in just three days. I can only imagine the joy (and sure, heartache) that will join me for the rest of my life.

So for all of you who think you know what you want to do, don't question yourself. "Keep an open mind", but trust yourself! Sometimes you just know from the beginning. And somewhere deep inside I've always been a pediatrician.

Regardless of the fact that I have a couple rotations left (surgery, family) and intend to get all the good out of them I can, I'm signed on to a life decision. It's a good one. And my life is happier because you may allow me to be a part of your child's.

a post in numbers (following my good friend M's last one)

7:37 - time I headed to the operating room this morning
2 - big brown eyes asking "what's going on?" - that baby is a heartbreaker in the making!
86 - minutes from "timeout" to final sutures
80 - fingers and toes counted on discharge exams
20 - carseats, diaper bags, and other misc "patient belonging bags"
4 - happy, healthy infants released home today from our side of the unit
89- current census (AFTER the discharges)

What an AMAZING day in the NICU :)
It was my first time to go to the operating room with one of our kiddos, and it was fun (for me, probably not so much for the baby). Our pediatric surgeons are awesome and the baby did great and is recovering quickly. We'll be adding another to the "homegoing" list very soon!

"Call the pharmacy and put in the order"

"Call the pharmacy and put in the order". Said like it was just another day, another doctor. Someone who'd been there forever. But it wasn't just another doctor. It was ME... Not only am I not a doctor (merely a quarter of one), but it was my first order, handed down from an attending, during a crisis situation.

So what do all good doctors-in-training do? Follow the order. Ask for help when you need it. And realize the impact of what you've learned when you finally have time to breathe, days later.

"Dopamine, such-and-such loading dose with such-and-such mcg/kg/hr?" I yelled across the unit to the attending at the baby's bedside. He nodded and smiled.

And even though someone else checked it and signed off on it, I put in my first order. Of course if I wouldn't have been standing there, anyone else could have done it... and probably more confidently. I was honored to have had the chance, for one moment, to participate in trauma care.

It was one single moment in everyone else in the room's life... and a moment that will never be forgotten in mine. It was perhaps the first moment that medicine leapt off the textbook page and into the incubator. I wasn't doing something because it was exactly what we'd done for every kid all day, but because it was what SHE needed at that particular moment.

I'll never quit asking questions, and I'll probably never quit questioning myself - at least a little. But with every day and every learning experience, my confidence is growing. My faith is stronger than it's ever been - God is closer than I've ever felt him. As long as I stay this close, I can hear His directions, those of the ultimate Attending. And He will never lead me astray.

“Father asked us what was God's noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are."

“Father asked us what was God's noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are." - Louise May Alcott, Little Women

It's been a trying two weeks for me personally. We had quite a scare with my grandfather's health that only the good Lord brought him out of. Thanks to lots and lots of prayers and his strength and resilience, today marked the end of a tumultuous and long hospital stay. He's home and doing well! Due to those developments, I spent the better part of last week playing doctor- but not on the babies. I went home to be with my family and try, to the best of my ability, to fill my role as the family rock. It's hard to be the one everyone looks to for medical knowledge, especially just one year in. There's still so much I don't know. However, just one year gives you a lot of pull in the hospital environment. I was able to follow more - and help more - than I ever thought possible. Once again, I thank my Heavenly Father for that.

As far as the NICU goes, this week has been wonderful - a great learning experience. My attending is still off service, so I've spent each with rounding with a different attending... this week's was incredibly intense teaching-wise and I learned a ton. I was also able to make it to all of the Pediatrics meetings (Grand Rounds, Case Management) this week and those are also good....

Rounds today were crazy. What usually lasts 90 minutes or so was complicated by an intubation, cardioversion, and delivery. I got to assist a bit (as in hold stuff) on the intubation, and I'm looking forward to being certified Monday.. hopefully I'll get to do my own first intubation soon! I finished my written test for certification this week, so it's just practice on Monday and meet all the new residents.

I'm settling in nicely and my research is going well. I'm looking forward to the next month and continued involvement throughout the next couple of years, M4 rotation, and residency & fellowship. Is it June 2013 yet???



Random quote from an unnamed in the unit:
"Honey, siblings aren't allowed back here..[in the NICU]. Where's your mom or dad?"
...
"I was just bringing my baby some breast milk"

And so it goes in today's society. Insert foot in mouth, unnamed.

Call night... and the end of week 1... never trust a preemie

Wednesday night I completed another first on my list for the summer. I took call with my attending physician. I actually carried a resident pager, slept in house, and responded with the residents/nurse practitioners. It was super cool - very little sleep involved, but very much worth it. I've learned in just a week that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be doing EXACTLY what God has called me to do. It is an amazing feeling... a blessing, and huge responsibility. I couldn't be happier. Even with the story I'm about to share.

Almost as soon as I clipped the pager on wednesday night, a baby started "crumping" (medical terminology for falling apart with no known cause). Blood gases were off, oxygen sats were bad... the kid just looked sick. Really sick. She'd been sick for a while (and touch and go a few times), but suddenly I found myself watching a full out resuscitation effort. The IV access was poor and it was determined that she wasn't receiving all her meds (causing the other problems), so the nurses and doctors tried again. And again. Finally surgery was consulted to put a line in. For what seemed like an eternity, the ventilator was off and Andrea was hand-bagged while the surgeons tried to get access. It took much longer than anyone anticipated, and she lost a lot of blood. A lot, in the nicu, is about the equivalent of what you and I would get if we sliced our finger open. Not even enough to go to the hospital for stitches. But this kid needed blood, and fast. All the appropriate tests were run and the blood was brought up. Enough blood to fill a medium size syringe. Wouldn't volume-expand a grown person at all - but it was enough to replace Andrea's entire supply. And mind you, she was a "big kid" (once again - "big" is relative... in the NICU, >3 lbs is big and 5+ is huge). With central access and medications finally being delivered, she seemed to improve slightly. Not enough to admit success, but enough to return her to the ventilator, and for us to return to the family in the waiting room (who had been called from several hours away to be at the bedside). Deep breath, babydoc. Put on the white coat. Get ready. This is the not fun part, my attending says. It's never easy to gently tell a family that their baby may die. Or has died. You don't have to come with me, she says. But I put on my coat, she puts on hers, and out we go. To do the job no one ever wants to have to do. Even at this time, it was admittedly easier than I expected. The family has experienced these "crumps" before. She'll come around, they say. And who are we to say otherwise? Preemies can never be trusted. You really just don't know.

At this moment, the delivery pager goes off and I race upstairs to find quite the opposite - a bouncing, beautiful, perfect, and HUGE healthy newborn. Couldn't be pinker. Couldn't have better APGARs. This one gets to bypass our unit directly. And transition. She's a direct admit to the newborn nursery, or mom's bedside. We smile and coo with her... encouraging the first-time parents and sharing in their intimate moment.

It's how things change in neonatology. It's the moments of birth and neardeath, often intertwined, with no fine line of delineation. The uncertainty of medical knowledge and the certainty of God's ultimate healing - no matter what our role in that may or may not be.

The night continued fairly quiet, with a little (about an hour) rest in between. Post call, I left the hospital about 9-10 and had a full day off. This morning, I returned to the hospital fresh. In Grand Rounds, I sat with a couple of my classmates who are also doing my program but are in different areas of the children's hospital. Close to time for conference to start, the residents I'm working with filed in. A sat down next to me, and I asked how his call night was. "Baby Andrea died" was all he had to say. And I knew. "She went peacefully, and very quickly, early in the night... by the time the nurse took her off the vent to listen for any signs of pulse/breath sounds/heart sounds, it was over."

But for me, she didn't go quickly. A baby born too soon, and taken too late. It's never easy, I suppose. Part of me wonders if it would've been easier if she would've been a micropreemie, a <1 lber, a brand new admission. The other part knows it wouldn't have made any difference. It was my first live patient to lose. I held her hand for that treacherous hour, while the surgeon desperately attempted to get us access so she could get the drugs (and now blood) she had to have. While my attending tirelessly hand-ventilated her, never growing angry, never showing fear or trepidation (Stay calm, always, she said. The babies know. They always know. If you're afraid, they're afraid). We worked as a team - doctors, nurses, xray, respiratory, surgery - and kept her alive night after night. But preemies can't be trusted. They decide if they are going to get better, they decide if they are going to die. Personally, I think they've got a direct line to God. Andrea decided that sitting in His lap was better than in her incubator, surrounded by all that medical technology and the twenty-first century had to offer. And once again, the preemie knows best. She is healed and perfect, resting peacefully in His arms.

And I will never be the same. I know it'll never get easier, and yet I can't imagine a life of doing anything else. I'm home in the NICU. I'm home in the quiet and "scary" parts of the hospital, where no other outside physicians like to go. I've found my calling doing God's work here. And I'll never be able to forget that it is indeed HIS work, not my own, that I am doing. Goodnight, baby Andrea. I can't wait to meet you again in Heaven!

Goodbye, Sophia...

I thought about saving this post for tomorrow night, post-memorial, but decided to share the feelings I have currently before they're forgotten. In med school, feelings, emotions, and thoughts are often fleeting.... so I'd like to take a moment to reflect on exactly what tomorrow means for me in particular, in a letter to Sophia.

Dear Sophia,
What a blessing it is to finally have an opportunity to tell your family how very much you meant to me. You see, it was you who made med school real in mid-August, as P and I stood together, took a deep breath, and met you for the first time. We named you then. In three months, I discovered more about you than most people ever knew. There were surprises everywhere, God's footprints. Although the class was sometimes a struggle, and lab time seemed a "waste of time" when there was none to be wasted, it was you who ultimately pulled things together for me. Every patient I see, every life I touch, will be because you first allowed me to touch yours. When I didn't know the difference between a #21 blade and a #22 blade, you'd already decided that it didn't matter, and you'd allow me - and my classmates - to learn how to be doctors, on you. I will always be more grateful than I could express. I simply hope that tomorrow, with your family among us, that they'll catch my eye and realize that gratitude.

You understand, Sophia, that you'll never leave me? Some things just change a person forever, and you did that for me. You were the beginning of medical school, the defining moment. And tomorrow, we'll ultimately close chapter one, save for a couple of weeks. For me, it's already over. The memorial service comes at a perfect time. It's fitting to tell you goodbye now, after a long year together. Thank you for a gift greater than any I could have ever dreamed of. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love,
A Very Grateful M1

Missed my weekly update - and although I don't really have time to sit down and write out everything this week, I figured I should, for the sake of keeping things in order, at least make a few notes...

Weekend: Useless. Was supposed to be having fun with the girls, instead, fought off a stomach bug
This week: Study central. Six tests next Monday. You read that correctly, SIX. Now granted some of them are tiny in weight, but it's still six. A number nightmare. And another reason why I can't hang out here long....

In other news, L is making small steps to recovery every day. For this, I thank God. Lord, hold us close as we struggle to find the energy and will to continue, to push through and make it past this last HUGE test block. Get us to next Monday night... there, I will find fun and relaxation.

It was just another week... and then..

Another Monday through Friday. Test grades for Monday came back and the results were: survived. Some days, that's all that matters. Each day came with its own challenges, its own things to study and learn (and I did less of both of those than I should have this week).

As usual, I tried to find a little time this weekend to have fun. Friday night it was in the way of "Bounty Hunter" with N and A and a sleepover at M's. It's always fun when the girls get together to hang out non-school related. Yesterday I came home, studied a bit, then met C and Z after her MCAT at Sal & Mookie's for dinner. She needed some down time, and there's nothing that amazing ice cream and pizza can't fix... even MCAT. I remember those days like it was just yesterday, and it's still something I wouldn't wish on an enemy, much less a friend. I'm sure she did great though :)

It was just another week, and then...

This afternoon, I was informed that a fellow M1, a classmate and friend of mine, had been involved in a serious accident and is currently in the ICU. Suddenly, the things that seemed so important, so life-altering, changed in the blink of an eye. Sometimes it feels like I go through the day to day, dreaming of what tomorrow will bring... always waiting on something to end, waiting on the next "good thing" to start. I realized the magnitude of living in the day, how important it is to enjoy the journey.

Tonight, please join me in praying for L and his family. That His ultimate healing would bring glory to God. That even in this horrific accident, we could find God's grace. That may we could learn to enjoy the journey... even of being a lowly first year medical student... just a little more, complain a little less, and appreciate each day. That tomorrow, when I put my feet on the floor, I'll be determined to take every moment and soak it up as if things were to change the next instant. Because no matter how invincible we may feel on a daily basis, we never know when things may change.

I'm blessed to know that even in these uncertain, stressful, and life-altering times, God is in control of my life, L's, and yours. God bless!

Another week has gone by.. Welcome to Lent

So, another (fairly boring) week in the life of M1s. We've had a couple of study nights, mainly trying to just stay on top of the material so that this weekend isn't as miserable as it could be. I elected to skip classes on Monday and Tuesday and just go to Histo lab... was a good choice. May not have been as productive as I should've been, but I was more productive than I would've been in class.

Wednesday was Ash Wednesday... the beginning of the Lenten season. This year, I've decided to give up the "snooze" button on the alarm clock, and spend that thirty minutes every morning in dedicated bible study. I've done this Lenten vow before and it's always very refreshing... time for serious spiritual growth. Sometimes, whether we want to or not, we get caught up in the world and forget the real reason behind things. Every year with Lent, I renew my vows to God to do His will, listen to His voice, and be the best I can be for the purposes He's put before me, even if I don't know them yet. This year is no different - and I've grown more in the first three days than I ever thought possible.

I also chose to fast on Wednesday, another new experience - and exciting one - for me. Relying on His guidance, His strength, and His endurance was all-powerful. I did my fast in honor of Baby Kate, who received her stem cell transplant on Wednesday and spent most of the day in prayer for her. Please join me in lifting her up for God's ultimate healing (www.prayforkate.com).

Thursday and today have been good days overall. We've been discussing fetal and neonatal physiology, and I'm in love. Finally something that I'm interested in. Yesterday's PIG meeting was neonatal medicine too - Dr. K gave a great speech.

M and I went to see our new patient at the nursing home today and it was tons of fun. I'm really excited about getting to know her better and she can't wait for us to come back! On the way home, we discussed the "power of the white coat" and how much it truly means to have complete strangers open up to you simply due to its presence. It's slightly overwhelming, until I remember that He's the one with the real power and I'm just His instrument.

Even though we've got lots of tests this week, I'm taking some "me" time on Tuesday morning and going to the NICU to round with Dr. K and the residents. Sometimes remembering why you're doing this helps keep things in perspective.

This weekend will be filled with lots and lots of studying, endocrine and reproductive phys test on Monday. But that's okay. I have some of the world's best friends and study partners who make my world just a little bit brighter every day :)

Prayer Requests:
Baby Kate
CB Kiddos
NICU babies
My spiritual journey during Lenten season
**Unspokens**

New background

I looked at my blog today and noticed the background was still from Christmas... and it's a month after Christmas. So here we go. One of my favorite mottos.. "live, laugh, love".

Got my cardiac physiology test back today and was very happy with the results. I'm not quite as fond of renal phys as I was of cardiac, but perhaps it'll still grow on me.

We had our Deans' breakfast meeting this morning.. that went really well. I really like Dr. J, C, and W - and Dr. W updated us on the vice chancellor search, the current life and times of the M4's (and what to expect), some exciting things that will be happening by the time we get to M3 year, and the STEP. It was nice to get a perspective on "life after pre-clinical years", even though it was at 7 a.m.

After the Deans' breakfast, I decided to skip out on the day's renal phys lecture and head home to study. It was a very productive study day and run day. I ran/speed walked by first 3.5 miler today and actually feel great instead of horrible. Tomorrow's my "off day" (laundry, errands, Mom time) and then I'll hit it again on Sunday. The 5k is coming up two weeks from tomorrow. I still am not sure I'm 100% ready, but I think I can get there in two weeks.

I have many spoken and unspoken prayer requests tonight, but those that I can think of off the top of my head include:
Baby Kate (prayforkate.com)
All my CB kiddos
The NICU babies
God's guidance and assurance in the lives of those who are searching
Test week for the M2's
Our renal test on Thurs
**Unspokens**

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

another week of no complaints...

When we started this journey back in early August, I had no idea the magnitude of the statement "make it til Christmas, then you'll be fine". I heard it echoed over and over - by M2's, M3s, M4s, residents, attendings, physicians at home.. "just make it to Christmas".

Here we are a few weeks into January and I finally am beginning to understand. Life is GREAT these days. Cardiac physiology is so interesting, makes sense, and we have time to study and learn for the sake of learning. There's also time for super fun things (like making cookies with pig faces for PIG meetings, slumber parties, etc).

PIG met on Wednesday and went over summer research opportunities. I'd already talked to a few people in the pediatrics department about this and was very encouraged by their advice, so I filled out the application asap on Wednesday and returned it Thursday. Crossing fingers and praying I get the assignment I want (which obviously is neonatal/NICU) and that M gets in with her first choice too (pretty sure she's gonna be our class HemOncDoc -and on that note, the M3 HemOncDoc needs to meet my HemOncDoc :) - sorry we didn't get to chat on wed, A. You looked slightly busy post-meeting) . I'm very excited about the possibilities - praying that God's will is done and this would be used as a career-furthering experience as well as a great ministry opportunity.

Other random thoughts:

Med school nerd movie of the year "Extraordinary Measures" comes out on Friday. I am SO pumped about this.

Who Dat? :)

Slumber party tonight/dessert party @ study group tomorrow. Studying is much much more fun when it involves silly girls and yummy food!

Specific prayer requests:
The Haiti people
The NICU babies
Baby Kate McRae (www.prayforkate.com)
My CaringBridge kiddos/Batson Cancer Kids
Family, friends, and classmates.

Romans 12:12 - Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

By the grace of God, we've made it..

Biochem is OVER!! The board was basically insane, I expected no less. But I'm pretty sure that filling my name in on the answer sheet was enough for the grade I need to pull off a passing first semester, and for that I am grateful to God.

It's been an amazing journey so far. I've learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. I've laughed and cried - at the same time, and for two completely different reasons. I've come to realize exactly how little I know - and how much I've learned - in a few short months. And I've also acknowledged how quickly time is flying (Seven more semesters to MD? Wow).

In the midst of the first semester storm, I've made some absolutely AMAZING friends. I don't know what I'd do without y'all! Everyone promised me that it would happen, and it did, right when I needed it the most. We can lean on each other for support, lift each other up in times of need, and laugh all night until our stomachs hurt. Thanks M, N, RA, K, D, J, & P (and anyone I forgot!!) for the kind thoughts, smiles, and "you can do it"s just when I thought I couldn't any more. It will be my honor to refer patients to each and every one of you in the future.

And on that note, it's time to pack and start celebrating! It's going to be the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny f'in Kay! :) I'm coming home, S, A, L(2) mom & dad!!!!

Just another week in the life of an M1

Things are plugging along here in M1 world. One week and one day until the last regular biochem test. Then "just" a comprehensive final and boards to go. BTW, any of my M2-M4 buddies have any boards tips? (I need all the help I can get on that one).

Yesterday we had a very easy day lecture-wise, and I returned to the NICU for rounds with Dr. K and her residents. I have to tell you guys, she's just the most compassionate, caring attending... definitely giving me a possible false impression of the rest of them... ha! She asked me a few questions, but didn't pimp anyone. I'm glad I did my research so I didn't look like an idiot in front of the residents, but it wasn't intimidating at all. Best of everything, we got to tell a Mom her baby can finally go home! Those are the stories that make the specialty so worth it.

Blackboard has finally decided to work, so I suppose I'll learn a little about the eye (blech) before I go up to the histo lab. However, it's 39 degrees this morning and all I'm thinking about is Christmas break.... (hence the new background).

Praises: My friend Lacey is home from MN and doing great! Her surgery went beautiful and her recovery continues to be a blessing.
Continued Prayers: As always, the NICU babies (I left my heart with them), friends, family, and unspokens. And an uneventful end to biochem!

Update... and 50 days til christmas!

Lacey is doing wonderfully. Continue your prayers that her pain would lessen so that her therapy can proceed quickly and she will only strengthen from here on out. Glory to God!

I got my H1N1 shot this morning. Yay, shots. Ha. I just don't have time for the swine flu in the midst of first-year craziness.

In mention of M1 craziness, we have two tests tomorrow (Biochem, Histo) and three on Monday (Gross Practical & Written, Developmental Anat) followed by Physio next friday. Continue to pray for our class as we are just so absolutely exhausted at this point. FIFTY DAYS TO GO!!!! This is gonna be the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny effin Kay!

Next friday afternoon I start shadowing in the NICU. So very excited :)

A special prayer request..

This post has nothing to do with med school, but I have a good friend that has traveled to University of MN Medical Center for a pancreatectomy, splenectomy, and appendectomy with auto islet cell transplant tomorrow morning, and we would appreciate any prayers you have sent her way!

She has been suffering with chronic pancreatitis for 12.5 years. Dr. Sutherland at University of MN does this procedure, which is among the only in the country proven to provide relief for patients like her. The surgery is scheduled to begin at 7:40 am and will last between 9 and 16 hours. Please remember Lacey & her family (including her husband, Jeremy, and their 10 month old daughter Elyse) in your prayers.

Her testimony can be viewed here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hv8MIz5oJ8s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwFJlEzFkgA&feature=related

It's an amazing story, and she's an amazing person. May the Lord be with them tomorrow, and promise her many, many pain-free days to fulfill His purposes!

The sun is shining....

... and Blacktober, Round 1 is OVER!!!
The histology team is wonderful. Frequent rest stops, lots of candy... That was one of the least painful tests since we started med school. About time, too. We're all exhausted, dazed, and confused. Walking around like zombies.
Unfortunately that "awesome" histology team has scheduled a lecture and lab for this afternoon, so no sleep for the weary yet. But oh - it is coming. And it is going to be SO sweet.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 116:7-9)

Praising God for small miracles..

I genuinely was afraid I'd failed my biochem test yesterday, but ended up doing very well :) Genetics is still up in the air, I'm sure he's trying to figure out how many points to curve (30...40...50... there were def some ppl in our class who didn't study at all).

After that, we did hand dissection. It was our first shot at skinning which was a nightmare. We started at three and left at 530, just as frustrated as ever. Not the idea for today. We're supposed to start at one but our 11 oclock lecture was cancelled, so I'm forgoing small group bible study in order to get that dissection started. I'd ideally like to get home early, but even "on time" would be okay. I was exhausted after the test yesterday and didn't get much if any studying done last night.

God, hold me. Give me strength when I have none - to finish this dissection and begin to hammer all the gross concepts into my head. It's going to be a long few days.

This is what everyone warns you about - being chronically exhausted. Blah. All I want to do is sleep - the one thing I CAN'T do. :(

Just a few more days and three more tests to go until I can breathe again.

Moving van...

The moving van will be here tomorrow - we will pull out Friday morning early. Please keep us in your prayers for safe travel and dry weather. Moving in the rain seriously stinks!

Got some more correspondence from school - the hard copies of the VA stuff (must call them Monday and set something up to go in and get my fingerprints done), summer reading, and all the health insurance info. I'll be sorting through the rest of it over the weekend after the move.

STEP scores come out for the M3's tomorrow... all of you are in my prayers and I just know you are going to do wonderfully! Hard to believe we will be there in just two short years....