And just when I thought it couldn't get better...

I had the best day today... an emotional high from early this morning well through getting home this evening. Starting at the beginning... (because generally that's a good place to start)

When I got to the unit and pre-rounded on the babies I'm following, everybody looked good. I made the decision that I thought one was ready to come off CPAP, and cleared it with my attending. Yay for tube-free babies!
Then I went to look up labs, xrays, etc to prepare for rounds and was talking to one of the residents when I found out that not only were none of them on call today, the three that were there this morning had clinic in the afternoon. This means there was a lonely little delivery pager going to be sitting all by itself.... or not :)

Clipped the pager on about 8:30... finished prerounds and plans and started rounds. We were about halfway through when the pager went off for the first time. Off to the delivery room. Big baby, fairly healthy, just a little extra work of breathing. After watching him for a while, the NNP decided to send him on to the transition nursery. The rest of rounds went by without issue and we got done really early.

My amazing mentor/attending then called to take me to lunch for my last day :) We had a great lunch and then went over my presentation for tomorrow, giving it the final touches. I told her I wanted to hang out in the unit for a while and see if anything interesting would happen because the delivery board was full and several of them were preemies.

Went to check on the twins and ok'd mom holding... for the first time. This was what I thought would be the most inspiring and rewarding moment of my day. Then.....

Got settled at my desk about two to review test results and... beeep.. 911. That means RUN, not walk, not elevator... scale the stairs two to three at a time. When I get in the room, it's just me and the delivery nurse... and in runs the resident OB with a tiny bundle. On the warmer is delivered the smallest person I've ever seen. For what seemed like an eternity, I got the initial heart rate and had the fleeting thought of fear as an NNP hadn't responded yet. Thankfully, she was there almost as soon as the thought went through my head. I gladly stepped back from the head of the bed on that one and had her take over for the intubation, assuming a first-assistant role. Fast forward through all the medical details and you'll be pleasantly surprised to know that AMAZING child, God's perfect creation, looks more alive than anyone ever thought possible. A fighter, we say. And even though the odds are stacked against him, this part deep inside of me is almost sure he'll make it.

As he's settling into his bed and I'm beginning to catch my breath, beeep... 911. Adrenaline rush, straight back to the second floor. This one we at least beat to the room. A little bigger, a little stronger. But still tiny. Heart rate, intubate. And in the meantime, realize the child's head is bleeding... profusely. Stitches in the resuscitation room? Has that ever been done? The prayers go up. Pressure is applied, the intubation is complete, we watch and wait. The bleeding slows and the baby improves. It's off to the transport incubator, and down to meet the new friend across the hall, who was born less than an hour before, 7 weeks more premature.

As I signed out tonight, returned the delivery pager to the front desk, and said a few goodbyes, I found myself less sad than I thought I'd be. Maybe because I was exhausted, but maybe because God allowed me to have an amazing last day, showing me how much work He's done in me this summer and the endless blessings He has in store. This time last year, I said I wanted to be a neonatologist and save babies. Now I've tried my hand at it. Is it stressful? Of course. Trauma-heavy? Definitely. Hardcore? Some say so. Devastating? Some days. Rewarding? Everyday.

I may not be spending 8-10 hours a day in the NICU in the coming months or years, but I'll be there as much as possible... and my heart will never leave. I carry a tiny footprint to remind me of what's on the other side.

This IS the rest of my life. Welcome to it. :)

An ice cube in each hand...

So it's been another great week or two in the world of relaxation. Still hard to believe that there's no reason to study, and just now beginning to not feel guilty about that. I haven't updated because, well, honestly, I haven't done much of anything. And that has been heaven!

I did spend a little time with the family post-vacation, and spent the past weekend with M and S (ok, S mainly, we made M find things to do so we could have girl time). Best friends are forever... its awesome how so much time can go by and nothing changes between us. We literally talked so much on Saturday that I was hoarse by bedtime. Good times. Growing up isn't all that bad when you have amazing people walking beside you for all the transitions :)

Also in that light, I had the opportunity to spend some amazing time with a special family member over the first week of break. Caught in the battle for his life, he still astonishes me with his perseverance and faith every day. Little story: he started a new chemo drug a couple weeks ago that is well known to cause cold intolerance. Upon leaving the doctor's office, he returned to work and went directly to the kitchen freezer. He grabbed an ice cube in each hand and held on. To some of you, this might seem silly... even crazy. After all, the doctor had just informed him that he may no longer be able to go to the frozen food section in the grocery store. For him, it was just another moment of strength and faith. Knowing that he wouldn't have the same reaction everyone else did. Knowing that every moment is a gift straight from God. In his hope and strength, I find my own. I cherish the days we have together and the lifetime of memories I look to pass on to my children and grandchildren.

Went home for a few days to make the doctor rounds: eyes, teeth, etc. Doctor appts are much more fun these days. I found myself unable to separate from the med school world during the eye doctor visit as I realized what he was doing with every test. Annoying sometimes, but super cool other times. I also managed to upgrade to an ACTUAL smartphone while I was home. After three years, I sent the Treo to the happy hunting ground. I am now the proud owner of a Droid... and what a difference three years of technology makes! This one walks the dog, takes out the trash, and goes to work for me. (Just kidding. I wish!!).

I've got a few more days before I head back to Jackson to begin the best summer job ever. I'm getting very excited. I couldn't have asked for a better mentor or position, and it's absolutely amazing to watch God's blessings come through in my life on a daily basis. He didn't ever say the journey would be easy, but He promised it would be worth it... and it is. Every single day.

Keep enjoying the free time and living life to the fullest, y'all. And get to your nearest theater for SATC2 today!!!!

Missed my weekly update - and although I don't really have time to sit down and write out everything this week, I figured I should, for the sake of keeping things in order, at least make a few notes...

Weekend: Useless. Was supposed to be having fun with the girls, instead, fought off a stomach bug
This week: Study central. Six tests next Monday. You read that correctly, SIX. Now granted some of them are tiny in weight, but it's still six. A number nightmare. And another reason why I can't hang out here long....

In other news, L is making small steps to recovery every day. For this, I thank God. Lord, hold us close as we struggle to find the energy and will to continue, to push through and make it past this last HUGE test block. Get us to next Monday night... there, I will find fun and relaxation.

Spring Break has come to an abrupt end...

Spring Break is over, way too quickly. I feel like the whole thing was a blur.

In one aspect, I'm looking forward to a busy and routine week. Maybe it'll help settle my feelings. Church this morning did a good job of starting. Eddie's sermon was on worry & anxiety. We're currently studying the Sermon on the Mount, and part of this morning's passage was as follows:

"Your heavenly Father already knows all of your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
-Matthew 6:33-34

It's a passage I've always found great comfort in, and once again this morning, His love surrounded me in these words and in the congregation.

My Sunday school class has become a source of great blessing in the past month as well. Something that started so simple (as a Lenten vow) has become a great comfort and fellowship for me. I guess it's true that God truly knows our needs before we do.

What a wild ride this spring break has been... the ups and downs of the past few weeks in general can hardly be measured. I take comfort in the One who stands beside me, walks in front of me to show the way, and follows behind so that I don't get left.

135 days til orientation. I can only gaze in awe at what amazing things the Lord has in store between now and then.