Letting you go

"Today?" Mom asked. I reiterated. "Today". And then I helped pack you up in your little seat that looked way too big for you, in your real - healthy- baby clothes, and said congratulations. And you were gone. Such a happy, joyous time. And so scary.

What if you aren't ready? What if 4 lbs just isn't big enough for you to make it out there? What if you don't eat enough? (Sometimes you didn't eat for us). Will they know what to do when you don't cry? When you don't wet enough diapers? When they need to check your temperature? What's your oxygen saturation right now? And goodness - if all these thoughts are going through my head, how overwhelmed is your mommy?

But she will know. She always did. I held you for only a short time - I helped you get healthy enough to be one with her again. You never were mine, or ours. All those hours, feeds, diapers - they were all to get you to this point. So she will know. And you will know. Together, you will figure it out. Because when you strapped into that car seat in your big kid clothes, you were a normal baby. You no longer need continuous monitoring, our machines, or our assistance. You need your mommy, and she needs you.
Welcome home, little one. Thank you for teaching me about letting go.

And just when I thought it couldn't get better...

I had the best day today... an emotional high from early this morning well through getting home this evening. Starting at the beginning... (because generally that's a good place to start)

When I got to the unit and pre-rounded on the babies I'm following, everybody looked good. I made the decision that I thought one was ready to come off CPAP, and cleared it with my attending. Yay for tube-free babies!
Then I went to look up labs, xrays, etc to prepare for rounds and was talking to one of the residents when I found out that not only were none of them on call today, the three that were there this morning had clinic in the afternoon. This means there was a lonely little delivery pager going to be sitting all by itself.... or not :)

Clipped the pager on about 8:30... finished prerounds and plans and started rounds. We were about halfway through when the pager went off for the first time. Off to the delivery room. Big baby, fairly healthy, just a little extra work of breathing. After watching him for a while, the NNP decided to send him on to the transition nursery. The rest of rounds went by without issue and we got done really early.

My amazing mentor/attending then called to take me to lunch for my last day :) We had a great lunch and then went over my presentation for tomorrow, giving it the final touches. I told her I wanted to hang out in the unit for a while and see if anything interesting would happen because the delivery board was full and several of them were preemies.

Went to check on the twins and ok'd mom holding... for the first time. This was what I thought would be the most inspiring and rewarding moment of my day. Then.....

Got settled at my desk about two to review test results and... beeep.. 911. That means RUN, not walk, not elevator... scale the stairs two to three at a time. When I get in the room, it's just me and the delivery nurse... and in runs the resident OB with a tiny bundle. On the warmer is delivered the smallest person I've ever seen. For what seemed like an eternity, I got the initial heart rate and had the fleeting thought of fear as an NNP hadn't responded yet. Thankfully, she was there almost as soon as the thought went through my head. I gladly stepped back from the head of the bed on that one and had her take over for the intubation, assuming a first-assistant role. Fast forward through all the medical details and you'll be pleasantly surprised to know that AMAZING child, God's perfect creation, looks more alive than anyone ever thought possible. A fighter, we say. And even though the odds are stacked against him, this part deep inside of me is almost sure he'll make it.

As he's settling into his bed and I'm beginning to catch my breath, beeep... 911. Adrenaline rush, straight back to the second floor. This one we at least beat to the room. A little bigger, a little stronger. But still tiny. Heart rate, intubate. And in the meantime, realize the child's head is bleeding... profusely. Stitches in the resuscitation room? Has that ever been done? The prayers go up. Pressure is applied, the intubation is complete, we watch and wait. The bleeding slows and the baby improves. It's off to the transport incubator, and down to meet the new friend across the hall, who was born less than an hour before, 7 weeks more premature.

As I signed out tonight, returned the delivery pager to the front desk, and said a few goodbyes, I found myself less sad than I thought I'd be. Maybe because I was exhausted, but maybe because God allowed me to have an amazing last day, showing me how much work He's done in me this summer and the endless blessings He has in store. This time last year, I said I wanted to be a neonatologist and save babies. Now I've tried my hand at it. Is it stressful? Of course. Trauma-heavy? Definitely. Hardcore? Some say so. Devastating? Some days. Rewarding? Everyday.

I may not be spending 8-10 hours a day in the NICU in the coming months or years, but I'll be there as much as possible... and my heart will never leave. I carry a tiny footprint to remind me of what's on the other side.

This IS the rest of my life. Welcome to it. :)

Today is gone. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. Every day, from here to there. funny things are everywhere.

I thought i'd finish up the "one fish two fish" reference from the previous post...

It was an amazing week in the NICU. Carrying my own patient load is just wonderful - i've learned so much about fluid and electrolyte management, lab values, sepsis workups... and those two little angels in general. The thought of returning to the classroom soon is just UGH.

Took my "last" call on Thursday night. It was a crazy day... I rounded on the kids, gave my presentation to the residents during their morning lecture, then we had regular grand rounds... by then things were starting to get crazy. I went to a delivery during that and by the time I got back we had a kid falling apart on one side of the nursery with surgery at the bedside doing a repair... then we had a significant problem on the OTHER side (and since my attending was on call and that one had left we were covering all 95+ beds). I got to see a pretty neat procedure over there. It's funny, because there's a set of twins on that side that are similar to the ones I'm following - just a couple weeks earlier and sicker. I've learned a lot about twinning lately. :)

It never really settled down through the night - I slept for a couple of hours. By the time it got quiet, I couldn't settle my head down and sleep, so I helped with late night feedings. There just isn't anything sweeter than rocking a baby while you coax them to eat. Especially looking at that baby realizing that three months ago, it was highly unlikely he would survive, much less make it to this point. "I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love"

One more week. It ends too soon, but I must return to the classroom. Time to get it over with.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish

During my last post, I wrote of the excitement of following my own baby for the first time. Due to the complexity of the medical conditions, she survived only a day after admission. I finished my differential dx thoughts at least, and anxiously await chromosome studies to see if I had any of the right ideas.

In the meantime, we had a set of "grower-feeder" twin girls come in and I was assigned both of them! (Hence the one fish, two fish title ;)) It's a lot more conducive to learning because they are acting like typical preemies, so I'm able to figure out the nutrition, respiratory management, etc. I'm learning the art of teeny-tiny physical exams and what to look for each time I see the patients and learning what makes "grower-feeders" tick in general. It's great. In case you guys missed it, I LOVE my job :):)

In other news, my research project is finished, my powerpoint is getting polished, and Dr. K and I have started the next project. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've been given and look forward to staying involved in the newborn medicine department in the coming years :)

159 (class/tests days in M2 year)

159 days of class and tests in the upcoming year.
This translates to 257 total days, including weekends and holidays (most of all which will be spent studying).

These numbers are discouraging and encouraging. With two weeks left in the NICU, I'm already fighting a heavy heart going back to the classroom. However, I know it's necessary evil - something that must be done in order to reach the ultimate goal. I know I'll be able to visit and stay involved in pediatrics as much as my study schedule allows this year - I just hope that is at least occasional. I'm going to do my best to stay on top of the work, not get behind, and have an amazing year. /End future-freak-out-moment.

As for this week, it's been wonderful. I went to the OR three days this week with three different kids from the NICU. Ended up being with three different specialty surgeons (peds general, ENT, and neuro) and getting lots of OR/anatomy experience. It's not as bad as I thought it might be. In fact, surgery is almost fun. It's definitely not something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life, but at least I'm not freaked out about/dreading 3rd year rotation anymore.

I also learned NEODATA today, our charting system. Dr. K is preparing me for 4th year externship - for that I am really, really excited. Granted it's totally early... but as quickly as last year passed I know it'll be here before I know it.

With experience comes freedom, and responsibility... which is a little intimidating but leads to more experience and the circle continues. Today I was assigned a patient to follow with a NNP. "My" baby isn't a full term grower-feeder or even a micro preemie. It's a really, really complicated case. I'm slightly intimidated by the complexities of it all... but the NNP's are wonderful and she'll be making the decisions - I'm just allowed to verbalize my thoughts first and see if I can come up with the right ideas. So here I am on a Friday night, formulating a differential and planning to go up to the hospital both days this weekend to do a physical. Some call it crazy, some call it love.... but I'm soaking up EVERY possible moment.

a post in numbers (following my good friend M's last one)

7:37 - time I headed to the operating room this morning
2 - big brown eyes asking "what's going on?" - that baby is a heartbreaker in the making!
86 - minutes from "timeout" to final sutures
80 - fingers and toes counted on discharge exams
20 - carseats, diaper bags, and other misc "patient belonging bags"
4 - happy, healthy infants released home today from our side of the unit
89- current census (AFTER the discharges)

What an AMAZING day in the NICU :)
It was my first time to go to the operating room with one of our kiddos, and it was fun (for me, probably not so much for the baby). Our pediatric surgeons are awesome and the baby did great and is recovering quickly. We'll be adding another to the "homegoing" list very soon!

"Call the pharmacy and put in the order"

"Call the pharmacy and put in the order". Said like it was just another day, another doctor. Someone who'd been there forever. But it wasn't just another doctor. It was ME... Not only am I not a doctor (merely a quarter of one), but it was my first order, handed down from an attending, during a crisis situation.

So what do all good doctors-in-training do? Follow the order. Ask for help when you need it. And realize the impact of what you've learned when you finally have time to breathe, days later.

"Dopamine, such-and-such loading dose with such-and-such mcg/kg/hr?" I yelled across the unit to the attending at the baby's bedside. He nodded and smiled.

And even though someone else checked it and signed off on it, I put in my first order. Of course if I wouldn't have been standing there, anyone else could have done it... and probably more confidently. I was honored to have had the chance, for one moment, to participate in trauma care.

It was one single moment in everyone else in the room's life... and a moment that will never be forgotten in mine. It was perhaps the first moment that medicine leapt off the textbook page and into the incubator. I wasn't doing something because it was exactly what we'd done for every kid all day, but because it was what SHE needed at that particular moment.

I'll never quit asking questions, and I'll probably never quit questioning myself - at least a little. But with every day and every learning experience, my confidence is growing. My faith is stronger than it's ever been - God is closer than I've ever felt him. As long as I stay this close, I can hear His directions, those of the ultimate Attending. And He will never lead me astray.

Happy birthday, sweetheart...

Happy Birthday... it's something we say every day in the NICU. The lullaby plays over the Women's Hospital loudspeaker, another baby has been born. It's another Happy Birthday.

Sometimes those birthdays aren't quite so happy. If a birthday comes too soon, the human part of each of us may be wondering exactly what the baby is doing here. The part that believes in God's ultimate plan never wonders that. Sometimes I find myself a little too human, a little too heartbroken. I suppose I'll struggle with that for the rest of my life. However, it's a struggle that fits - a struggle that feels right. You take the good with the bad, you hope you can make a difference, and you pray. A lot.

Back on the subject of birthdays... we recently had a baby celebrate their "third" birthday with us. You see, almost everyone celebrates their "first" birthday here... that's Day 1 of life. Then there's the "second" birthday. That's the day you were SUPPOSED to be born. Your due date. More often than not, that birthday is spent here as well. But the third... that one is rare. So we celebrated. Like any family celebrates their child's true first birthday. Ok, so our party attendees couldn't have cake - and couldn't actually attend the party at the bedside... but that child had more "friends" at his birthday party than any one-year-old I know! The next day, the sad reality kicked in. The banners were still up... "happy birthday"s all over the bed. But the baby had turned sick overnight, and we were all reminded exactly why it'd been a year that he'd been living in these walls. I pray your second year, and your "fourth" birthday, is happier and healthier, little one. And until you can make it on your own, we'll continue to hold your hand.. and God will always hold your heart.

first day "on service"

Yesterday was the first day of the summer that my attending physician has been on service in the NICU. I was excited about this because I knew I'd have the opportunity to be more involved - and boy was that an understatement!

We started rounding yesterday morning and I got to do a few exams... there's just nothing like putting your hands on a tiny patient <3. Yesterday afternoon, we had a new admission - and I got to help do lots of things handed down directly from the attending - for a few hours, I totally felt like a doctor. And helpful. Which is an interesting feeling that doesn't happen a lot... sometimes I feel more in the way than helpful, especially in crisis situations. There's just so much activity in the NICU and so many people involved when things go wrong. But yesterday, I was involved. Helpful. Useful.

And I can't wait for the next day. And the next.

In other news, M has started her ER rotation - and seems almost as madly in love as I am with NICU. Yay for the rest of our lives! I'm glad to have friends who want to do different things - that way the next time I make a stupid decision or trip over some flat surface, I have somebody I can call personally... before I have to show up and explain it in the local emergency room.

“Father asked us what was God's noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are."

“Father asked us what was God's noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are." - Louise May Alcott, Little Women

It's been a trying two weeks for me personally. We had quite a scare with my grandfather's health that only the good Lord brought him out of. Thanks to lots and lots of prayers and his strength and resilience, today marked the end of a tumultuous and long hospital stay. He's home and doing well! Due to those developments, I spent the better part of last week playing doctor- but not on the babies. I went home to be with my family and try, to the best of my ability, to fill my role as the family rock. It's hard to be the one everyone looks to for medical knowledge, especially just one year in. There's still so much I don't know. However, just one year gives you a lot of pull in the hospital environment. I was able to follow more - and help more - than I ever thought possible. Once again, I thank my Heavenly Father for that.

As far as the NICU goes, this week has been wonderful - a great learning experience. My attending is still off service, so I've spent each with rounding with a different attending... this week's was incredibly intense teaching-wise and I learned a ton. I was also able to make it to all of the Pediatrics meetings (Grand Rounds, Case Management) this week and those are also good....

Rounds today were crazy. What usually lasts 90 minutes or so was complicated by an intubation, cardioversion, and delivery. I got to assist a bit (as in hold stuff) on the intubation, and I'm looking forward to being certified Monday.. hopefully I'll get to do my own first intubation soon! I finished my written test for certification this week, so it's just practice on Monday and meet all the new residents.

I'm settling in nicely and my research is going well. I'm looking forward to the next month and continued involvement throughout the next couple of years, M4 rotation, and residency & fellowship. Is it June 2013 yet???



Random quote from an unnamed in the unit:
"Honey, siblings aren't allowed back here..[in the NICU]. Where's your mom or dad?"
...
"I was just bringing my baby some breast milk"

And so it goes in today's society. Insert foot in mouth, unnamed.

Call night... and the end of week 1... never trust a preemie

Wednesday night I completed another first on my list for the summer. I took call with my attending physician. I actually carried a resident pager, slept in house, and responded with the residents/nurse practitioners. It was super cool - very little sleep involved, but very much worth it. I've learned in just a week that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be doing EXACTLY what God has called me to do. It is an amazing feeling... a blessing, and huge responsibility. I couldn't be happier. Even with the story I'm about to share.

Almost as soon as I clipped the pager on wednesday night, a baby started "crumping" (medical terminology for falling apart with no known cause). Blood gases were off, oxygen sats were bad... the kid just looked sick. Really sick. She'd been sick for a while (and touch and go a few times), but suddenly I found myself watching a full out resuscitation effort. The IV access was poor and it was determined that she wasn't receiving all her meds (causing the other problems), so the nurses and doctors tried again. And again. Finally surgery was consulted to put a line in. For what seemed like an eternity, the ventilator was off and Andrea was hand-bagged while the surgeons tried to get access. It took much longer than anyone anticipated, and she lost a lot of blood. A lot, in the nicu, is about the equivalent of what you and I would get if we sliced our finger open. Not even enough to go to the hospital for stitches. But this kid needed blood, and fast. All the appropriate tests were run and the blood was brought up. Enough blood to fill a medium size syringe. Wouldn't volume-expand a grown person at all - but it was enough to replace Andrea's entire supply. And mind you, she was a "big kid" (once again - "big" is relative... in the NICU, >3 lbs is big and 5+ is huge). With central access and medications finally being delivered, she seemed to improve slightly. Not enough to admit success, but enough to return her to the ventilator, and for us to return to the family in the waiting room (who had been called from several hours away to be at the bedside). Deep breath, babydoc. Put on the white coat. Get ready. This is the not fun part, my attending says. It's never easy to gently tell a family that their baby may die. Or has died. You don't have to come with me, she says. But I put on my coat, she puts on hers, and out we go. To do the job no one ever wants to have to do. Even at this time, it was admittedly easier than I expected. The family has experienced these "crumps" before. She'll come around, they say. And who are we to say otherwise? Preemies can never be trusted. You really just don't know.

At this moment, the delivery pager goes off and I race upstairs to find quite the opposite - a bouncing, beautiful, perfect, and HUGE healthy newborn. Couldn't be pinker. Couldn't have better APGARs. This one gets to bypass our unit directly. And transition. She's a direct admit to the newborn nursery, or mom's bedside. We smile and coo with her... encouraging the first-time parents and sharing in their intimate moment.

It's how things change in neonatology. It's the moments of birth and neardeath, often intertwined, with no fine line of delineation. The uncertainty of medical knowledge and the certainty of God's ultimate healing - no matter what our role in that may or may not be.

The night continued fairly quiet, with a little (about an hour) rest in between. Post call, I left the hospital about 9-10 and had a full day off. This morning, I returned to the hospital fresh. In Grand Rounds, I sat with a couple of my classmates who are also doing my program but are in different areas of the children's hospital. Close to time for conference to start, the residents I'm working with filed in. A sat down next to me, and I asked how his call night was. "Baby Andrea died" was all he had to say. And I knew. "She went peacefully, and very quickly, early in the night... by the time the nurse took her off the vent to listen for any signs of pulse/breath sounds/heart sounds, it was over."

But for me, she didn't go quickly. A baby born too soon, and taken too late. It's never easy, I suppose. Part of me wonders if it would've been easier if she would've been a micropreemie, a <1 lber, a brand new admission. The other part knows it wouldn't have made any difference. It was my first live patient to lose. I held her hand for that treacherous hour, while the surgeon desperately attempted to get us access so she could get the drugs (and now blood) she had to have. While my attending tirelessly hand-ventilated her, never growing angry, never showing fear or trepidation (Stay calm, always, she said. The babies know. They always know. If you're afraid, they're afraid). We worked as a team - doctors, nurses, xray, respiratory, surgery - and kept her alive night after night. But preemies can't be trusted. They decide if they are going to get better, they decide if they are going to die. Personally, I think they've got a direct line to God. Andrea decided that sitting in His lap was better than in her incubator, surrounded by all that medical technology and the twenty-first century had to offer. And once again, the preemie knows best. She is healed and perfect, resting peacefully in His arms.

And I will never be the same. I know it'll never get easier, and yet I can't imagine a life of doing anything else. I'm home in the NICU. I'm home in the quiet and "scary" parts of the hospital, where no other outside physicians like to go. I've found my calling doing God's work here. And I'll never be able to forget that it is indeed HIS work, not my own, that I am doing. Goodnight, baby Andrea. I can't wait to meet you again in Heaven!

To all those who thought I couldn't, look at me now!

Saw a follow up kid in clinic today that was originally born at < 1 kg and way, way too early.

Said kid is now walking, talking, smiling and singing.

God is everywhere. I saw Him today, in the eyes of a beautiful and very healthy all-grown-up-now NICU grad.

the first day of the rest of my life..

Today was orientation to my summer research program. General orientation was Boring (and yes, that's a capital "B") and long, but Peds orientation was short and to the point, leaving me with a free afternoon. Instead of calling, I decided to stop by the unit and see if my attending/mentor was around. That turned into an awesome idea, as I ended up spending 4 hours with her. She gave me a tour of the unit, newborn nursery, newborn lab and pharmacy, peds xray... we went to laundry and got my badge set up for scrubs (which come out of a vending-machine type apparatus - cool!). Then we went to cardio surgery conference which was also very interesting. Tomorrow will be my first full day - and full it will be. Grand Rounds, NICU rounds, a lunch meeting, afternoon developmental clinic....

I think I'm going to like this whole doctor thing.

Five more days of M1 year...

And here we have it. The final "study weekend" of M1 year. Just like any other grand study weekend, it started off with a good meal with the girls and lots of giggles. We've all grown so much these year - as professionals, people, and friends. It's amazing to look back at the trials and tribulations and how far we've come. There's still so far to go, much road to travel.. but we're there. At the end of the beginning of the journey.

This was a pretty good week. I made a point to really go to class and enjoy learning, soaking up every moment possible. Another good thing that happened this week? L came back to class! He's doing great!!

Thursday was incredible. It was a super long day, but I got to hang out in the NICU from 10-1 with Dr. K and meet a lot of the residents and NNP's that'll be around this summer. She handed me over a resident notebook and sent a very happy M1.9ish out the door for ALMOST vacation. I actually got to put my hands on some patients, feel some trills, help change a dressing... Little things, but in the midst of M1 world, amazing. I can't wait for June 7th.

Next week we have three days of class and two additional days of tests - there are five tests sprinkled throughout Wednesday through Friday. Wednesday we have class, then the Psych final, then class again. Way to piss those of us who SOMEWHAT still liked Psych off, guys. Way to go. A final sandwiched between two neuro classes? Awesome.

Next week WILL end. Vacation will come. As thus will begin the best - and last - summer of my life. Welcome to the real world... someone else is looking up to me now. I have an M1 buddy!!!

Hang in there, guys! It's almost over!!!

Another week has gone by.. Welcome to Lent

So, another (fairly boring) week in the life of M1s. We've had a couple of study nights, mainly trying to just stay on top of the material so that this weekend isn't as miserable as it could be. I elected to skip classes on Monday and Tuesday and just go to Histo lab... was a good choice. May not have been as productive as I should've been, but I was more productive than I would've been in class.

Wednesday was Ash Wednesday... the beginning of the Lenten season. This year, I've decided to give up the "snooze" button on the alarm clock, and spend that thirty minutes every morning in dedicated bible study. I've done this Lenten vow before and it's always very refreshing... time for serious spiritual growth. Sometimes, whether we want to or not, we get caught up in the world and forget the real reason behind things. Every year with Lent, I renew my vows to God to do His will, listen to His voice, and be the best I can be for the purposes He's put before me, even if I don't know them yet. This year is no different - and I've grown more in the first three days than I ever thought possible.

I also chose to fast on Wednesday, another new experience - and exciting one - for me. Relying on His guidance, His strength, and His endurance was all-powerful. I did my fast in honor of Baby Kate, who received her stem cell transplant on Wednesday and spent most of the day in prayer for her. Please join me in lifting her up for God's ultimate healing (www.prayforkate.com).

Thursday and today have been good days overall. We've been discussing fetal and neonatal physiology, and I'm in love. Finally something that I'm interested in. Yesterday's PIG meeting was neonatal medicine too - Dr. K gave a great speech.

M and I went to see our new patient at the nursing home today and it was tons of fun. I'm really excited about getting to know her better and she can't wait for us to come back! On the way home, we discussed the "power of the white coat" and how much it truly means to have complete strangers open up to you simply due to its presence. It's slightly overwhelming, until I remember that He's the one with the real power and I'm just His instrument.

Even though we've got lots of tests this week, I'm taking some "me" time on Tuesday morning and going to the NICU to round with Dr. K and the residents. Sometimes remembering why you're doing this helps keep things in perspective.

This weekend will be filled with lots and lots of studying, endocrine and reproductive phys test on Monday. But that's okay. I have some of the world's best friends and study partners who make my world just a little bit brighter every day :)

Prayer Requests:
Baby Kate
CB Kiddos
NICU babies
My spiritual journey during Lenten season
**Unspokens**

another week of no complaints...

When we started this journey back in early August, I had no idea the magnitude of the statement "make it til Christmas, then you'll be fine". I heard it echoed over and over - by M2's, M3s, M4s, residents, attendings, physicians at home.. "just make it to Christmas".

Here we are a few weeks into January and I finally am beginning to understand. Life is GREAT these days. Cardiac physiology is so interesting, makes sense, and we have time to study and learn for the sake of learning. There's also time for super fun things (like making cookies with pig faces for PIG meetings, slumber parties, etc).

PIG met on Wednesday and went over summer research opportunities. I'd already talked to a few people in the pediatrics department about this and was very encouraged by their advice, so I filled out the application asap on Wednesday and returned it Thursday. Crossing fingers and praying I get the assignment I want (which obviously is neonatal/NICU) and that M gets in with her first choice too (pretty sure she's gonna be our class HemOncDoc -and on that note, the M3 HemOncDoc needs to meet my HemOncDoc :) - sorry we didn't get to chat on wed, A. You looked slightly busy post-meeting) . I'm very excited about the possibilities - praying that God's will is done and this would be used as a career-furthering experience as well as a great ministry opportunity.

Other random thoughts:

Med school nerd movie of the year "Extraordinary Measures" comes out on Friday. I am SO pumped about this.

Who Dat? :)

Slumber party tonight/dessert party @ study group tomorrow. Studying is much much more fun when it involves silly girls and yummy food!

Specific prayer requests:
The Haiti people
The NICU babies
Baby Kate McRae (www.prayforkate.com)
My CaringBridge kiddos/Batson Cancer Kids
Family, friends, and classmates.

Romans 12:12 - Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Just another week in the life of an M1

Things are plugging along here in M1 world. One week and one day until the last regular biochem test. Then "just" a comprehensive final and boards to go. BTW, any of my M2-M4 buddies have any boards tips? (I need all the help I can get on that one).

Yesterday we had a very easy day lecture-wise, and I returned to the NICU for rounds with Dr. K and her residents. I have to tell you guys, she's just the most compassionate, caring attending... definitely giving me a possible false impression of the rest of them... ha! She asked me a few questions, but didn't pimp anyone. I'm glad I did my research so I didn't look like an idiot in front of the residents, but it wasn't intimidating at all. Best of everything, we got to tell a Mom her baby can finally go home! Those are the stories that make the specialty so worth it.

Blackboard has finally decided to work, so I suppose I'll learn a little about the eye (blech) before I go up to the histo lab. However, it's 39 degrees this morning and all I'm thinking about is Christmas break.... (hence the new background).

Praises: My friend Lacey is home from MN and doing great! Her surgery went beautiful and her recovery continues to be a blessing.
Continued Prayers: As always, the NICU babies (I left my heart with them), friends, family, and unspokens. And an uneventful end to biochem!

Amazing week-end turns into amazing weekend!

Friday's biochem test turned out much, much better than I was hoping for. Pleased to see one of my higher grades in the class so far! Only 3 more tests (one regular, comp final, and boards) until the world of biochem goes away for a while...(until Step 1 prep)

The rest of yesterday was pretty darn good as well... and then today I went to JFC for the first time. What a ministry! I was in awe of the privilege I was given and the gratitude of the patients. My first blood draws went great - must run in the family. Mom's a great stick :)

Football today = amazing, as of replays and what I can gather. Hotty Toddy! Looking forward to a Saints victory tomorrow as well.

For the rest of the weekend, I'm getting my gross on. Weren't things much easier when we were kids and the bone of the head was the "skull"? Yeah, not so much anymore...

I've also got to do my research for Rounds in the NICU monday. Looking forward to a self-made long weekend :)

This is why I press on...

Friday in the NICU was like coming home... I realized, after much too long of an absence, that I was indeed back where I belonged. Not only is God doing great things in my life now, He's continuing to prepare the way for me to show His love and blessings to those in need. There's something about watching a 500 gram baby cling to life that leaves me awestruck at His creation everytime. Even on the littlest ones, the sickest ones, those with birth defects or infection - the absolute PERFECTION of His plan is amazing. Tiny fingers, tiny toes, tiny eyelashes. It's every bit perfect. And these angels, whether sent to us for a short time and then called Home or sent here to defy the odds - absolutely make my journey worth it every single day.

In boring, med school related news, Friday's phys test went just fine. Biochem is this Friday. I'm seeking redemption following the metabolism (older med students will recognize this as the "Dr. W & Dr. H test") disaster. I've tried a few new techniques this time... and although I'd jump for joy at a really GOOD grade, passing will make me happy. Biochem is OVER in less than 37 days, praise the Lord!

Sweet November..

So I realize that I haven't posted in quite a while.. decided it was time for an update. Blacktober is OVER and we survived, for the most part. The last round of Gross/Developmental grades are up and I was pleased. These days, having more tests behind me is the most pleasing part!

43 days til Christmas break. 15 more tests to go.

I start shadowing in the NICU at Wiser tomorrow, quite excited about that. I've missed the babies. Looking forward to getting back in the clinical setting and reminding myself what we're going through all this for.

Congrats to HemeOncDoc for passing Step 1!!!!!!!