Letting you go

"Today?" Mom asked. I reiterated. "Today". And then I helped pack you up in your little seat that looked way too big for you, in your real - healthy- baby clothes, and said congratulations. And you were gone. Such a happy, joyous time. And so scary.

What if you aren't ready? What if 4 lbs just isn't big enough for you to make it out there? What if you don't eat enough? (Sometimes you didn't eat for us). Will they know what to do when you don't cry? When you don't wet enough diapers? When they need to check your temperature? What's your oxygen saturation right now? And goodness - if all these thoughts are going through my head, how overwhelmed is your mommy?

But she will know. She always did. I held you for only a short time - I helped you get healthy enough to be one with her again. You never were mine, or ours. All those hours, feeds, diapers - they were all to get you to this point. So she will know. And you will know. Together, you will figure it out. Because when you strapped into that car seat in your big kid clothes, you were a normal baby. You no longer need continuous monitoring, our machines, or our assistance. You need your mommy, and she needs you.
Welcome home, little one. Thank you for teaching me about letting go.

One STEP closer...

It's been a world wind of a month. As of yesterday, step 2 ck is done. As of next Monday, I'll be able to say the same about CS.

Today our extern schedules/call schedules for July arrived. I'm really excited about starting 4th year, spending a month working with my best friend, and my final month in adult medicine - ever.

All that stuff is just fluff. The real crux of the last month was bringing home my precious four legged baby, Elli Kate. She's growing like a weed and winning momma over more everyday - even tho I think we have officially hot the terrible twos!

Pictures below ... The day she came home, and packing tonight for vacation with her grandparents while mommy goes to Houston for the dumb test. Hasn't she grown a ton?!

"Doctors spend a lot of time focused on the future"

"Doctors spend a lot of time focused on the future, planning it, working toward it. But at some point you start to realize your life is happening now. Not after med school, not after residency, right now. This is it. It’s here. Blink and you’ll miss it." - Grey's, Season 5 Now or Never

Its been an insane crazy year, and it's not getting any easier anytime soon - this senior planning stuff is tough! As a senior in college, I didn't have any of these fears/trepidations/worries... I knew I was going to be at Carey another year getting my pre-reqs in. So this is seriously a throw back to high school.... only now, it's not my dream - it's my reality. The exciting part of the last week was senior schedules coming out!!

July - Medicine SubI, UMC
August - NICU
September - Peds Wards/Externship/Residency App Due
October - Peds ER

(...deep breath...)
November - Review of Pharm/Interviews
December - Interviews, Holidays with the Fam (who knows when that'll happen again!)
January - Senior Radiology (a bit unexpected, but I'll take it... easy month, good experience)
February - Peds Surg
March - Peds GI/Match
April/May - Off/Graduation/Relocation

...Wow. Seriously, sometimes I think all I did was blink and it's over. Before the "fun" year gets to start though I've got 8.5 weeks to finish third year, bring a newborn puppy home, and take Step II CK and CS. No big deal.

I've got one nerve left, but I'm still loving life. Thanks, God, for your immeasurable blessings!!

Specialty decision

Late this week we received an email asking us our top three residency choices (so that they can assign our dean for dean's letter).

I wrote back: Pediatrics.

To which the non-medical person responded: I need three choices.

I wrote back: I suppose you can put OBGyn and Family if you really have to have two more, but the thought of anything else makes me unhappy.

To which she wrote back: You've got to have options in case you can't get in.

To which I thought: This isn't neurosurgery, folks.

Later, I came to the realization that she meant maybe "I couldn't get in" with the dean who normally does the peds letters. But the thought of spending my life doing anything BUT taking care of children? No thank you.

I'm a bonafide, certified, undeniable pediatrician-in-training. Give me stickers, suckers, and make me work for my ear exams any day. Keep your hypertension. I'm glad it takes all types to make the world go 'round, and I'm glad there's somebody out there who wants to be my doctor - cause I sure wouldn't. :)

5/24/13

Today was "Senior Planning Day". The title in itself is a little scary - and unbelievable. Where did the time go? Weren't we just getting our acceptance letters? Just started anatomy? Just smelling like formaldehyde?
In a blink it's three years later and it's time to apply for diplomas and cap and gown. Time to start thinking about senior scheduling. Time to think about away rotations, interviews, and a whole bunch of crazy that'll go down in the next 15 months. Time to start thinking about paying back all those loans (ugh).

Exciting? Very
Scary? A little
Enough information to make your head explode? Absolutely.

I enjoyed the day off surgery and sitting with my best friends, catching up with classmates, and preparing for our future. There are a lot of questions left, but a lot of things now answered... such as:
When is Match? March 22. I'll know where I'm spending the next few years.
When is graduation? May 24, 2013 folks. Mark your calendars. I'll be growing into a long coat then!

We start scheduling in a couple months. I'm tentatively looking at the following:
June - Step 2 CK (18th) and CS (25th)
July - Medicine Sub I
August - NICU
September - Peds ER
October - PICU
November - Review of Pharm or off completely
December - Interviews/Off
January - Peds Ambulatory Clinics/last interviews
February - Peds Surgery or Away Rotation
March - Peds GI
April - Off or Peds Surgery (if Away in Feb)
May - Off/GRADUATION.
June - Sleep
July 1 - Intern. Woah.


PS: It is 43 days, 16 hours, 1 minute, 12 seconds until the end of Surgery. Not that I'm counting. ;)