Goodbye, Sophia...

I thought about saving this post for tomorrow night, post-memorial, but decided to share the feelings I have currently before they're forgotten. In med school, feelings, emotions, and thoughts are often fleeting.... so I'd like to take a moment to reflect on exactly what tomorrow means for me in particular, in a letter to Sophia.

Dear Sophia,
What a blessing it is to finally have an opportunity to tell your family how very much you meant to me. You see, it was you who made med school real in mid-August, as P and I stood together, took a deep breath, and met you for the first time. We named you then. In three months, I discovered more about you than most people ever knew. There were surprises everywhere, God's footprints. Although the class was sometimes a struggle, and lab time seemed a "waste of time" when there was none to be wasted, it was you who ultimately pulled things together for me. Every patient I see, every life I touch, will be because you first allowed me to touch yours. When I didn't know the difference between a #21 blade and a #22 blade, you'd already decided that it didn't matter, and you'd allow me - and my classmates - to learn how to be doctors, on you. I will always be more grateful than I could express. I simply hope that tomorrow, with your family among us, that they'll catch my eye and realize that gratitude.

You understand, Sophia, that you'll never leave me? Some things just change a person forever, and you did that for me. You were the beginning of medical school, the defining moment. And tomorrow, we'll ultimately close chapter one, save for a couple of weeks. For me, it's already over. The memorial service comes at a perfect time. It's fitting to tell you goodbye now, after a long year together. Thank you for a gift greater than any I could have ever dreamed of. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love,
A Very Grateful M1

Praise God from whom all blessings flow..

The mother of all test blocks is over. I didn't know how I'd survive 6 in one day, but I did. Just barely, at times. There were moments I thought would bring tears - specifically between the practical and written in neuro. It was THE worst practical I've ever taken in my life - because it wasn't really a practical. It was more of a "here's a structure.... think about what it does... think about the cell bodies of origin... now answer some obscure question 1o steps removed from all of this in one minute and thirty seconds". But it's over!!!!!!!!!!! And tonight is SOOO fun. Lots of weekend-ish ness.

Histology is over for good. Today was the last of those, and I would like to open up the balcony door and shout very loudly. Here's a toast - to the end of Histology, the longest and most annoying class in the history of medical school.

Time to go back to playing and rejecting all reality until 1 pm tomorrow when I have to suit up and show up for case study.

Is it summer yet? Sure feels like it..

Missed my weekly update - and although I don't really have time to sit down and write out everything this week, I figured I should, for the sake of keeping things in order, at least make a few notes...

Weekend: Useless. Was supposed to be having fun with the girls, instead, fought off a stomach bug
This week: Study central. Six tests next Monday. You read that correctly, SIX. Now granted some of them are tiny in weight, but it's still six. A number nightmare. And another reason why I can't hang out here long....

In other news, L is making small steps to recovery every day. For this, I thank God. Lord, hold us close as we struggle to find the energy and will to continue, to push through and make it past this last HUGE test block. Get us to next Monday night... there, I will find fun and relaxation.

It was just another week... and then..

Another Monday through Friday. Test grades for Monday came back and the results were: survived. Some days, that's all that matters. Each day came with its own challenges, its own things to study and learn (and I did less of both of those than I should have this week).

As usual, I tried to find a little time this weekend to have fun. Friday night it was in the way of "Bounty Hunter" with N and A and a sleepover at M's. It's always fun when the girls get together to hang out non-school related. Yesterday I came home, studied a bit, then met C and Z after her MCAT at Sal & Mookie's for dinner. She needed some down time, and there's nothing that amazing ice cream and pizza can't fix... even MCAT. I remember those days like it was just yesterday, and it's still something I wouldn't wish on an enemy, much less a friend. I'm sure she did great though :)

It was just another week, and then...

This afternoon, I was informed that a fellow M1, a classmate and friend of mine, had been involved in a serious accident and is currently in the ICU. Suddenly, the things that seemed so important, so life-altering, changed in the blink of an eye. Sometimes it feels like I go through the day to day, dreaming of what tomorrow will bring... always waiting on something to end, waiting on the next "good thing" to start. I realized the magnitude of living in the day, how important it is to enjoy the journey.

Tonight, please join me in praying for L and his family. That His ultimate healing would bring glory to God. That even in this horrific accident, we could find God's grace. That may we could learn to enjoy the journey... even of being a lowly first year medical student... just a little more, complain a little less, and appreciate each day. That tomorrow, when I put my feet on the floor, I'll be determined to take every moment and soak it up as if things were to change the next instant. Because no matter how invincible we may feel on a daily basis, we never know when things may change.

I'm blessed to know that even in these uncertain, stressful, and life-altering times, God is in control of my life, L's, and yours. God bless!

When everyone said it couldn't be done... ducks fly together!

Well it's been quite a week since the last update. The beginning of the week was lots of neuro class and lab filled with overall freak-out/gunner mode to try to get a grasp on some of the material... still not sure how that worked out, but I've definitely decided I don't study well on my own.

Let's see, the PIG roast was Thursday night and went very well. Our turnout was double last year. I think we hit the nail on the head with Sal & Mookie's. The officers from this year and next year worked together pretty well (I think) and I am looking forward to a great year in PIG with my team!!

Friday was an interesting/stressful day. Friday morning we had our first patient "history/interview taking". And yes, it was a psych patient. An inpatient from the psych unit. Made for a.. difficult history taking to learn on. One would think that we could our first history on a mock patient, each other, or a regular internal medicine patient. Instead, we sifted through both history taking and psychiatrics at once. Thankfully, the six years of psych undergrad/grad school helped me be more comfortable around the population, but it was still quite a shocker introduction to "clinical medicine".

After the psychiatric interviews, M & I went to the nursing home to see "our patient" who was in somewhat depressive/psychiatric crisis of her own. It was heartbreaking to see her hurting. Definitely a tough day on the "clinical" side of M1. And I say "clinical" with a grain of salt, because we really don't get any clinical experience of note this year.

Friday night was study and relax time and the rest of the weekend was hard core preparation for the hell that was today: In essence, five tests in one. Psychiatry, Histology (Written & Practical), and Neuro (Written & Practical). It was our first tests in psych and neuro so of course those were stressful. And neuro wasn't a piece of cake. However, like all bad (or good, I suppose) test days, things turned around quickly with the right food, right movies (Mighty Ducks & D2), and best friends a girl could ask for.

Thanks God, for making this Easter one to remember. Amidst my complaining, whining, and utter confusion, you managed to show grace beyond measure, as always. Thank you for reminding me of the best gift of all - your Son. Thank you for giving me the call to do Your work in this world, keep me under Your wings, and be with us as we finish the last 5 weeks and 4 days of M1 year!!

Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250 - Harper's

Well well, this has been quite a week.

Neuro is ... interesting, but tough. There's so much to learn in so little time. And of course we got super spoiled in Jan/Feb with no 8 AM classes, no labs, and free weekends. All of the sudden, all of that's out the window. Basically, it's almost like we've returned to first semester hell - it's just that now it's only one class to really worry about instead of 3/4.

Monday we had our PIG officer meeting for next year... and now that it's official, I can finally share that yours truly is going to be president :) I'm very excited about that responsibility and very much so looking forward to it. In other PIG news, we've been busy baking and selling at the bake sale last week and preparing for the Roast next Thursday from 5:30-8. If you haven't bought a ticket, there's still plenty of time (you can even get one at the door - but if you're sure you're coming, please buy early!). There's gonna be awesome food (all you can eat pizza and ice cream at Sal & Mookie's) and even better door prizes.... and the proceeds go to the kids at Batson, so come on out!

Of course, PIG news has to be the best thing going on in my life right now (and the AMAZING girls that will be working beside me... including my VP, none other than M!!), but there was one more "good" thing this week. Tuesday we started Psych. For the first time since medical school started, we're in a class that I actually have experience in. Lots and lots of experience. I decided after day 1 that I wouldn't be attending any more of those lectures that weren't mandatory, because it's all review (thanks WCU - Graduate Dept of Psych) and I can use the time to study for neuro.

Phys boards came back, best one yet! :)

It's been mainly study-study-study, but M and I did take some time out last night after the Neuro review with Dr. H to have a little fun. Pizza at Mellow Mushroom (they've got a new one - the Hot Potato Pie - and it's droolworthy), followed by "New Moon" and the Sims. Yup, old school fun right there. It was a well needed and well deserved break after a week that felt like it wouldn't end.

I'm still overwhelmed and worried but I know that God's in control and He'll never fail me. I've got the best friends in the world walking this journey beside me... and although they say misery loves company, I must disagree. Because even the stuff that just isn't fun at all isn't miserable when we're together :).

Hang in there, M1's. 7 weeks til summer!!

Goodbye, spring break... Hello, neuro..

Today is the final day of a week of bliss and sleep. No, seriously, I stayed in bed until lunch just because I knew that things would be very different this time tomorrow. So let's take the week day by day:

Friday: finished up the board, relished in the fact that phys was (almost) over, spent the afternoon eating leftovers and watching Nanny McPhee with two of my favorite girls, said our goodbyes (a week feels like eternity when you basically spend ALL of your time with the same people), and packed a bit.

Saturday: Headed South. Got home, saw my parents, went to visit my friend A - we went shopping, eating, catching up. Found some peanut butter fudge with my name on it at a local gift shop... drool. I've never had it before, but I'll definitely have it again.

Sunday: Lazy day at home. Didn't do much of anything. Made plans for Monday, slept a lot, watched some tv.

Monday: Started off the day at good ole WCU. So much fun to see my old coworkers, catch up with everyone. It's funny how while some things change, others seem to stand still during the test of time. I'm grateful that some of my best friendships fit into that category. Had lunch with L, then went to visit K & B in Financial Aid and see if they had any more information on ObamaLoans than I did... yeah, not so much. But I got lots of gossip and caught up on everyone's lives, and that was fun. Then I waited impatiently for my sister to get off work and headed to her house as soon as I could. I miss her & M so much. We had a great dinner that M cooked for us - bacon-wrapped cheese & jalepeno stuffed grilled chicken. It was heaven. He is an amazing husband (and a pretty darn good brother in law). B came over to eat with us, and once again, catching up was great... more of those "friendships withstanding the test of time".

Tuesday: Headed South (yes, further south). Tax day. ALWAYS fun. Wasn't too bad actually, and I'm getting a nice refund. Got to see my puppies for the first time in a very long time, they were sooo excited. I was too :). Went to see my cousin on hospice, then went to dinner with the grandparents. OS is known as the town in MS with the most restaurants per-area. 106 to be exact. People in my hometown know how to eat. Starting with my grandparents, who might as well be food critics. I said seafood (I mean, who can go to the coast and NOT have seafood?) and they found the perfect place. I ended up with Creole Mahi Mahi.. drooool...

Wednesday: Went to visit my great grandmother at the assisted living home for a few hours. We had a really nice visit, it was great to catch up. Then I went to get my hair cut. I've been thinking/talking about doing Locks for Love for a really long time, but I figured it would be next year before my hair was ready. Recently, I realized it'd been getting really long really quick, so I had been thinking more seriously about it. Turns out, there's a local lady in our hometown who takes donations and makes wigs specifically for Mississippi kids. I told S to chop off that ponytail :) Not only is my cut a great change, and I really like it, but it was so rewarding doing something for the kids.

Thursday: Down day. Basically a repeat of Sunday.

Friday: Back to H'burg, Dad got new tires put on the car and I went to see Bounty Hunter with M & S. It was sooo funny (and you can never have too much sister bonding time). I finally did FAFSA and the rest of the financial aid stuff that's already "late", but M1 year kind of took precedence.

Saturday: Back to Jxn :(, cleaned house, groceries...

Sunday: Here we are. The end of a fairly unproductive, almost study-free week. Tonight we're going to get the girls together and give a last hoorah to Spring Break before neuro starts tomorrow. I can't help but be a little nervous about that... it's a lot of material, and only 8 weeks. However, God's always right there, and so are my girls! We're going to kick neuro butt. We also start psych... and being only a few classes short of a master's, that one doesn't bother me a bit ;)

Tomorrow we're having our PIG officer's meeting for next year, and PIG's bake sale/PIG roast events are kicked off in full force. I've got lots of baking to do this week. It's gonna be a busy one, but I'm ready.

M1 year - last round. Me vs. neuro/psych. I'm going to win. Just sayin.