Spring Break has come to an abrupt end...

Spring Break is over, way too quickly. I feel like the whole thing was a blur.

In one aspect, I'm looking forward to a busy and routine week. Maybe it'll help settle my feelings. Church this morning did a good job of starting. Eddie's sermon was on worry & anxiety. We're currently studying the Sermon on the Mount, and part of this morning's passage was as follows:

"Your heavenly Father already knows all of your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
-Matthew 6:33-34

It's a passage I've always found great comfort in, and once again this morning, His love surrounded me in these words and in the congregation.

My Sunday school class has become a source of great blessing in the past month as well. Something that started so simple (as a Lenten vow) has become a great comfort and fellowship for me. I guess it's true that God truly knows our needs before we do.

What a wild ride this spring break has been... the ups and downs of the past few weeks in general can hardly be measured. I take comfort in the One who stands beside me, walks in front of me to show the way, and follows behind so that I don't get left.

135 days til orientation. I can only gaze in awe at what amazing things the Lord has in store between now and then.

Death is not fair....

Over the past week, I've struggled with more than one death, and I've come to realize that not only is life unfair, but death is also.

Early this week, a coworker and his wife had a miscarriage. It was a prayed for, worked for, dreamed of baby... and seems so unfair that they would be the ones to lose one.

Then, a friend lost her father quite unexpectedly. He had an extensive, but somewhat routine, surgery done on Tuesday. Wednesday he went downhill all day, and an extensive bleed was discovered too late. He bled out Wednesday night. Not only was it unexpected, but it was somewhat preventable. I'm sure the hospital will be doing an M & M case on it. Had the surgeon been consulted even two hours earlier, he probably could've done something...

What I've learned is that life, and death, are quite unfair. The most Godly can be the most tested. And things are never easy. When I'm the doctor, I will write orders no matter how "common sense" they seem, to try to alleviate the health care professional "wait and see" approach. I will try to never forget that the family as well as the patient must be treated.

My heart is broken for my friends. I don't know what to do or what to say. I'm sending my love and my prayers, and feel like I can't even begin to do enough.

Spring Break!

It is officially Spring Break around here! Three blissful days of no work & sleeping in... definitely looking forward to that.

I started doing some pre-studying this week. I know, I know. Everyone says "don't do it". But I'm not everybody. On the upside, Moore's Clinically Oriented Anatomy is fascinating. Studying is completely different now... it's like every sentence I read actually applies to real life, as opposed to college where you could or could not be getting something out of the studying.

I pray my zest for learning is intensified as I go through my years of training and that I don't become numb to the miracle of this knowledge. May every breath I take and every decision I make be used to the glory of God, that He may be glorified.

139 days until orientation.
51 days left of work.

I'm reading a book called "A Balm for Gilead" by Dr. Daniel Sulmasy right now. I'd like to share the following prayer from this book:

"Thus my prayer for my brother and sister physicians is that, like the man born blind,

You would announce to everyone you see that you have been transformed by his power, even if you do not understand how;
That you would name him as the one who has healed you;
That you would go to him
And when he asks you, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?" and you find yourself asking, "Who is he, that I may believe in him?"
That you might recognize the truth of his words when he says "You have seen him."

For you have seen him - in eyes yellowed with jaundice and wide as saucers.
You have heard him - in the cries of the crippled, wondering aloud how God ever allowed this to happen.
You have touched him - in the bloody wounds of the traumatized.
(You could have felt the nails if only your own fingers had been healed.)
You have known the wonder of his presence in the moments of healing that occur over and over again each day, moments in which you have been privileged to share in his healing works.

So, when he asks you, say, "Lord, I believe". And worship him. For he is what healing means. "


I just thought that was a fitting prayer, and worthy of sharing with you all. May we all continue to strive toward the prize.

More of the same...

Things are status quo here... moving along a little at the time. 144 days to go. Sometimes it seems extremely soon, other times it still seems like forever.

Next week is the priority deadline for all our financial aid stuff and hopefully they'll start putting our packages together. I'm ready for some concrete information about where all the $$ is going to come from. In the meantime, I'm relying on God for patience to help me get through this transition time.

For the fourth year med students, next week is that amazingly special week when the big "Match" happens. Hard to believe that four years from now, I'll be in that place. How very exciting! :) Best of luck to everyone waiting to match, and my prayers that you all end up at your first choices.

For a lot of us, next week is that amazingly special week known as "Spring Break". This is what I am looking forward to. Three days of sleeping in, staying up late, and worrying about as little as possible. Because those days are coming to an end.

Always say a prayer

I recently had the opportunity to meet with a Christian doctor. I asked him "how do you keep God first in everything you do? How do you find time to keep your Christianity first, and your work second".

His answer was one of the most simple, yet thought provoking things I've ever heard. I've already started to add this practice to my daily regimen, and it will be simply like breathing to do it in med school. So the pearl of wisdom for those of you out there, like me, struggling with the fear that "Christian doctor" may someday become "doctor that is Christian":

Always say a prayer. What do you do before you see every patient? Every time you go to the bathroom? Every time you sneeze? And extensively before entering an operating room?

You wash your hands. No matter the trauma, no matter what is going on or how quickly you have to see a patient. Whether you scrub or squirt the foam in your hands and rub them together, this act cannot be taken out of your routine to save time. You MUST wash your hands.

And you MUST pray. Every time I wash my hands, I say a prayer. For the patient I'm about to see, for guidance and God's grace to help me make the decisions He wants me to make, for His work to be done through my hands. Even more simply, maybe just that you'll make it through the next hour, the next moment, the next crisis.

What an amazingly simply idea. And what an amazing use for those few precious moments that can't ever be compromised.

So if you ever are sharing a scrub area with me and you notice I'm quiet, realize it's not about you. It's not about me. It's about Him. It's my time with God to be sure I stay grounded and remember the reason I started this journey.

He brought me to it, He'll get me through it. Always wash your hands, and ALWAYS say a prayer.

Scholarships?

Tomorrow morning I will be mailing in the information for a local scholarship program. Money is a good thing. Free money (as opposed to loan money) is a better thing.

I also finished and submitted the annual Tylenol Scholarship App. I have a much more slim chance of that one... since there's only about a million people who apply for it each year (yeah, I could be exaggerating).

In other news, our Lenten series at church has begun... we're talking about 168 - as in, the number of hours we each have in the week. Have you ever REALLY thought about what you do with your 168? Our Sunday school book "Waking The Dead" by Eldridge is following this right now as well - so it's sort of a double whammy for me. I've felt as though I'm going through the motions lately, always looking forward.

It's definitely time to be getting excited about what's coming, but it's also too far away to get in the future and stay out of the day. So I'm finding good in THIS day. In THIS moment. In how I can use THIS time to get me ready for what is to come.