We're halfway there - oh, livin' on a prayer...

Surgery is officially halfway over. The Bon Jovi song from my favorite chief resident's playlist only seemed an appropriate title.

Today, I received my radiation badge. Sounds like the beginning of a slow nightmare. On the upside, we found out this week that we're taking our board a day early so we can participate in Match Day activities with our buddies if we'd like. Heck yea. I'm looking forward to being an observer in the process so I can be slightly less/more freaked out about this time next year.

I have to round in the morning, but my sister, brother in law, and nephew are coming into town tonight and I'm super excited. Can't wait for some baby slobber and my late Valentine's date! A weekend of normalcy? Yesplease!

Monday brings with it vascular surgery, but it is 26 days, 13 hours, 26 minutes, 52 seconds until Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 9:00:00 AM. Come on, day 27! it's beginning to look like I might actually survive this...

For once in my life, I'm speechless (a week of sorrow)

Yes, me. Speechless. I've been thinking I needed to update the blog for a while, but haven't had the right words. It's been a really not-fun week.

Last weekend, while on trauma call, I lost my great-grandmother. 89 beautiful, happy years. 26 years of memories of her by my side. And then she was gone. We knew it was coming as she's been ill for about the last three weeks.. and it was a very peaceful, happy, pain-free death. I still haven't completely processed it and don't know when I will. It's hard to be sad when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a person is happier and better off in heaven. Especially after leading a good, full life. But on the other hand - it's hard not to be when you miss someone. I missed the funeral Tuesday. First time in my life I've missed a funeral for a family member. I thought about asking off, but decided I didn't know where I'd want to be (with dad at the funeral or with mom at home) and I was too exhausted to figure it out. I decided to take today instead, when I could likely see them both in the same place.

Two days later, I got the news that one of my mom's corneal transplants had rejected and she'd be needed an emergency transplant. The following day - that the transplant had to be put on hold because there was bacteria in the cultures (and the eye has to be completely clean before the transplant). It puts her in a state of limbo and a lot of pain, neither of which I'm a fan of. We could use your prayers.

And yesterday, I witnessed one of the worst experiences of my medical career thus far. Surgery hasn't been for me from the beginning, but that solidified any thought I had of possibly thinking it was "ok for now". It's just too high risk and too alwaysstressful. To me there's a difference in a patient's life in your hands (over an antibiotic you prescribed) and a patient's life in your hands (because they're gutted open on an OR table). That, and if you guys didn't know before, I'm not a fan of adults.

This weekend I'm hoping to catch up on some sleep if I remember how, and break the funk to make it through another week or so without being completely miserable. At least it's almost time for the second half of the rotation - the only exciting thing about this is that it's the second half of the rotation. And the heavy lead I get to wear in the OR, which ups the chances of me passing out/throwing up/otherwise being kicked out :)

It is 34 days, 14 hours, 25 minutes, 40 seconds until the end of surgery. It cannot come a moment too soon.

5/24/13

Today was "Senior Planning Day". The title in itself is a little scary - and unbelievable. Where did the time go? Weren't we just getting our acceptance letters? Just started anatomy? Just smelling like formaldehyde?
In a blink it's three years later and it's time to apply for diplomas and cap and gown. Time to start thinking about senior scheduling. Time to think about away rotations, interviews, and a whole bunch of crazy that'll go down in the next 15 months. Time to start thinking about paying back all those loans (ugh).

Exciting? Very
Scary? A little
Enough information to make your head explode? Absolutely.

I enjoyed the day off surgery and sitting with my best friends, catching up with classmates, and preparing for our future. There are a lot of questions left, but a lot of things now answered... such as:
When is Match? March 22. I'll know where I'm spending the next few years.
When is graduation? May 24, 2013 folks. Mark your calendars. I'll be growing into a long coat then!

We start scheduling in a couple months. I'm tentatively looking at the following:
June - Step 2 CK (18th) and CS (25th)
July - Medicine Sub I
August - NICU
September - Peds ER
October - PICU
November - Review of Pharm or off completely
December - Interviews/Off
January - Peds Ambulatory Clinics/last interviews
February - Peds Surgery or Away Rotation
March - Peds GI
April - Off or Peds Surgery (if Away in Feb)
May - Off/GRADUATION.
June - Sleep
July 1 - Intern. Woah.


PS: It is 43 days, 16 hours, 1 minute, 12 seconds until the end of Surgery. Not that I'm counting. ;)

God's will

Over the last couple of weeks, I strongly questioned- even angered - at my surgery schedule? WHY God, why? You know what I want to do with my life, you know what I need to make me a stronger pediatrician...

And then I was on call Wednesday night, and it all became crystal clear. Due to this (horrible) set of surgery schedules, my call schedule worked out a certain way. I was on call for God when He, and some very special people in my life, needed me most. I was on call for the night when pediatric trauma and pediatric sadness was at an all time high.

And no matter what happens for the next seven weeks, I'll hush my mouth. Because indeed it was His plan to put me here at this time. And for me, in some small way, to make a difference for a very special family.

Thank you, God, for unexpected blessings. My heart aches for those who love you.

Things I've learned so far on surgery...

Things I'm grateful for:
1) Awesome parking
2) The 2 lbs I lost this week
3) The fact that I have two groupmates and therefore am not always in the OR

Things I've learned so far:
1)It's better to be seen and not heard
2)It's better to be seen only when absolutely necessary
3)The student lounge is a godsend
4)Studying no longer exists
5)Call is better than regular days - at least it's semi interesting
6)Perforated bowel ruined my "liking" of any open abdominal procedure
7)The student lounge is a godsend
8)Sleep is a very hot commodity
9)Everyone else is as miserable as me, which makes for a cathartic bitching enviroment, and once again proof that..
10) The student lounge is a godsend.

Week 1: ACS - phneumo medium spinum

Four days of surgery and one call down. I pretty much loathe every moment. But only 50 days to go.

Best case of call last night: a bravo - phneumo medium spinum.

Also known as "pneumomediastinum" for those of us who actually speak medicalese.

I think I'll go back to bed. Hang in there, groupmates.

The end of Peds... and scary new beginnings

Peds is officially over as of about 10:15 this morning. The last couple of weeks were good. I still prefer wards to clinic (but most people do). Good things about subspecialty week: ruled out a couple of things (endo/rheum), decided where I want to do my general clinic if I match at Batson. Saw some interesting cases, some well baby checks, and some sad things (I think I'll always have the "canikillthatparent" thought from time to time).

Last week I did heme/onc and procedures which was AWESOME. I liked the patient population (even heme more than I thought I would) and loved the LP/bone marrows/etc. Maybe I'll end up being a neonatal hematologist....?? At any rate, the whole rotation was a good experience and I'm already counting down (16 weeks) until I'm back.

Surgery rotation starts Monday. I was really upset when I first got my assignments, but I know everything happens for a reason and I've settled into more of a "understanding" role. I'm vowing here and now to find one good thing in every day (albeit the late morning coffee) for the next 8 weeks, to learn as much as I can, and to pray for it to pass quickly! Here's to new beginnings and more of those "experiences we'll never have again".