Letting you go

"Today?" Mom asked. I reiterated. "Today". And then I helped pack you up in your little seat that looked way too big for you, in your real - healthy- baby clothes, and said congratulations. And you were gone. Such a happy, joyous time. And so scary.

What if you aren't ready? What if 4 lbs just isn't big enough for you to make it out there? What if you don't eat enough? (Sometimes you didn't eat for us). Will they know what to do when you don't cry? When you don't wet enough diapers? When they need to check your temperature? What's your oxygen saturation right now? And goodness - if all these thoughts are going through my head, how overwhelmed is your mommy?

But she will know. She always did. I held you for only a short time - I helped you get healthy enough to be one with her again. You never were mine, or ours. All those hours, feeds, diapers - they were all to get you to this point. So she will know. And you will know. Together, you will figure it out. Because when you strapped into that car seat in your big kid clothes, you were a normal baby. You no longer need continuous monitoring, our machines, or our assistance. You need your mommy, and she needs you.
Welcome home, little one. Thank you for teaching me about letting go.