Growing Into My White Coat

God's will

2012-01-28T16:04:00.002-06:00

Over the last couple of weeks, I strongly questioned- even angered - at my surgery schedule? WHY God, why? You know what I want to do with my life, you know what I need to make me a stronger pediatrician...

And then I was on call Wednesday night, and it all became crystal clear. Due to this (horrible) set of surgery schedules, my call schedule worked out a certain way. I was on call for God when He, and some very special people in my life, needed me most. I was on call for the night when pediatric trauma and pediatric sadness was at an all time high.

And no matter what happens for the next seven weeks, I'll hush my mouth. Because indeed it was His plan to put me here at this time. And for me, in some small way, to make a difference for a very special family.

Thank you, God, for unexpected blessings. My heart aches for those who love you.

Things I've learned so far on surgery...

2012-01-28T13:36:00.003-06:00

Things I'm grateful for:
1) Awesome parking
2) The 2 lbs I lost this week
3) The fact that I have two groupmates and therefore am not always in the OR

Things I've learned so far:
1)It's better to be seen and not heard
2)It's better to be seen only when absolutely necessary
3)The student lounge is a godsend
4)Studying no longer exists
5)Call is better than regular days - at least it's semi interesting
6)Perforated bowel ruined my "liking" of any open abdominal procedure
7)The student lounge is a godsend
8)Sleep is a very hot commodity
9)Everyone else is as miserable as me, which makes for a cathartic bitching enviroment, and once again proof that..
10) The student lounge is a godsend.

Week 1: ACS - phneumo medium spinum

2012-01-26T19:25:00.002-06:00

Four days of surgery and one call down. I pretty much loathe every moment. But only 50 days to go.

Best case of call last night: a bravo - phneumo medium spinum.

Also known as "pneumomediastinum" for those of us who actually speak medicalese.

I think I'll go back to bed. Hang in there, groupmates.

The end of Peds... and scary new beginnings

2012-01-20T16:29:00.003-06:00

Peds is officially over as of about 10:15 this morning. The last couple of weeks were good. I still prefer wards to clinic (but most people do). Good things about subspecialty week: ruled out a couple of things (endo/rheum), decided where I want to do my general clinic if I match at Batson. Saw some interesting cases, some well baby checks, and some sad things (I think I'll always have the "canikillthatparent" thought from time to time).

Last week I did heme/onc and procedures which was AWESOME. I liked the patient population (even heme more than I thought I would) and loved the LP/bone marrows/etc. Maybe I'll end up being a neonatal hematologist....?? At any rate, the whole rotation was a good experience and I'm already counting down (16 weeks) until I'm back.

Surgery rotation starts Monday. I was really upset when I first got my assignments, but I know everything happens for a reason and I've settled into more of a "understanding" role. I'm vowing here and now to find one good thing in every day (albeit the late morning coffee) for the next 8 weeks, to learn as much as I can, and to pray for it to pass quickly! Here's to new beginnings and more of those "experiences we'll never have again".

The "Last Holiday"

2012-01-06T17:35:00.003-06:00

Christmas break was wonderful. It was the last time I'll get a scheduled holiday break off from school (except for June to study for Step 2) which is a little more than strange, considering I've been in school for... 22~ years. But all 'good' things must come to an end eventually.

Break was eaten up with lots of family time, including 2 nights and 3 days helping my sister with my favorite 6 month old. He's gotten SO big! We had a blast playing and catching up, but little man sure did miss his Daddy! After ten days, I headed back north. Unfortunately, the Christmas decorations had to come down right away this year - I just didn't think I'd want to waste one of my next couple quiet weekends and surgery rotation is quickly approaching.

Shortly after Christmas, I called the puppy breeder. There are several Doxie pups 'incubating' at this time, and I absolutely can't wait to get my hands on my little one in just a few months.

This week of peds was nursery, complete with NICU call. I love all of pediatrics, but my heart is still, and always be, with the tiniest miracles. What a blessing to spend a week with them. Only two more weeks left of pediatrics this year. But one week closer to M4 - and the real deal.

Happy Weekend, everybody!!

Christmas at Batson

2011-12-20T19:25:00.004-06:00

Wards has been super fun the last few weeks. Yes, using the terms "wards" and "fun" in the same sentence should be highly frowned upon - blame it on the Christmas excitement!

Batson is happier than ever with Santa roaming around, lots of trees and decorations, Child Life with their never ending supply of Christmas decorations, and happy(er) nurses and doctors. On the other hand, it's bittersweet. It's always so sad to see kiddos in the hospital for Christmas. I remember how hard my pediatrician always tried to get us home. Whether I was completely ready or not, if I was on the mend, we were discharged Christmas Eve so we could have Christmas at home. I'm hoping we can "clean house" in the next few days for that same purpose.

Tomorrow is our last day on wards and our last call. It's bittersweet. I'm ready for a break, but I'm also finally in the routine/rhythm and really enjoying the rotation. I just don't want it to end. The bonuses: When I come back, it's a week of nursery (with my favorite attending on in the NICU, so I can spend my afternoons there!) followed by heme/onc and specialty clinics; it's thismuchcloser to fourth year (only 3 more rotations + elective stand in the way); and somehow, despite the crazy slowness of the day to day, it's that much closer to intern year.

Believe it or not, eventually I'm going to be a doctor. And that eventually is coming quicker than I imagined. Where did third year go? I'm not sure, but I'm not going to miss most of it too much. Just hope life slows waaaaay down for the "best year of our lives" coming up in July!

PS: Made surgery elective requests yesterday. Pray with me for Peds Surgery as my elective please!

General Peds

2011-12-11T12:13:00.004-06:00

I'm having so much fun doing what I love every day, even when I'm tired at the end of it (and can't shake the runny nose/asthma cough/overall blah from Thanksgiving). I'm pretty sure I've run into the "peds crud". Even if it lasts for the next 2 years, I'm still in love with my chosen profession.

Soaking up every day, every wheeze, cough and cry. Learning as much as I can. Enjoying working with my team. And wishing it didn't have to end so soon!

In other news, I've finished Sam's very special Christmas present. I can't wait to spend the holidays with that little bugger this year! It's even more magical than usual having a little one around :)

I'm going to venture out and do a little shopping on my day off today. Hopefully I won't hurt anyone in the process.

'Tis the season to be wheezin'

2011-12-06T17:52:00.003-06:00

I love peds. I love my new team (shoutout hemeoncdoc). I love my patients. And I especially love my attending, who was quoted with two awesome sayings today:

"Tis the season to be wheezin"

"I'm looking for the weasel, he's hiding in there!"

Asthma. Is. Everywhere. Or as my favorite intern says "Asthma is the hypertension of pediatrics".

Stuff in My White Coat: Part I

2011-11-27T14:03:00.005-06:00

I cleaned out my coat to wash it this afternoon, and just for fun I thought I'd share my findings:

Included but not limited to: Critical Care Meds FastSheet, Antibiotic Coverage Guide, "The Maxwell", a penlight, "The Dinosaur" (reflex hammer and child distractor extraordinaire), my badge, my pediscope, two advil, some plastic tape (the only kind of "bandaid" your two year old can't get off faster than you get out of the office), a green pen, a black pen, a lapel pin.... keep diggin. I'm sure I've got what you need in there.

Thanksliving and Peds Palliative Care

2011-11-23T19:39:00.003-06:00

The other night I saw on TV about a fairly new phenomenon that's becoming quite popular called "Thanksliving". In this event, the turkeys are the guests of honor, and they partake of a vegan Thanksgiving meal with the humans. A fascinating idea that is quite nice for our feathered friends, but unfortunately I like turkey way too much to celebrate Thanksgiving without it.

However, the title of the meal has really struck a chord with me as I started pediatric palliative care this week. I've been completely in love with the subspecialty. It's definitely something I feel my heartstrings tugging toward. In just three days I've really learned about "Thanksliving". It's not a day we celebrate so much as an attitude we should have (and these kids have) every single day. They wake up and celebrate just being alive. They find joy in simple things (today - turkey and homemade macaroni and cheese that the awesome nurses brought in because the kids' menu isn't built around holidays and last year they had hot dogs on thanksgiving). They belly laugh. They speak with their eyes, sing with their hearts, and pierce my soul.

And that's why from this day forward, I'll try to constantly be in a state of "Thanksliving". But I'll always have my turkey :)

Things I love about peds: "The Grin"

2011-11-16T18:32:00.004-06:00

This may be a new short series I work on over the next few years: things I love about peds. I decided to start with a very basic one.

Somewhere along the road of adolescence, we become conscious of "the grin". By adulthood, it's rare to see someone break out into a true "I just won a million dollars" grin (unless they did, indeed win a million dollars. Or occasionally when you deliver a baby. Or perhaps if you tell someone their cancer is cured.) But generally, we lose the ability to just look like a complete fool and grin like our cheeks are going to split.

Kids don't worry about what everyone else thinks. You don't have to rock their world to get "the grin". In fact, 9 out of 10 times all you have to do is smile at them (which turns me immediately into above mentioned fool looking like my cheeks are going to split). Or play with them. Or ask about football, school, friends. Or hand them a dinosaur reflex hammer (has totally come in handy already).

That absolutely pure, simple joy is one of the things I've fallen in love with about peds already. And sometimes if you're REALLY lucky - you'll get "the belly laugh". Stay tuned for that episode at a later date ;)

Finding my place..."the decision"

2011-11-09T18:39:00.006-06:00

"Keep an open mind", everyone said. "Don't decide what you want to do early, you'll change your mind a million times". Before I ever went to med school, I knew I wanted to be a pediatrician. At orientation, I wanted to be a pediatrician. After first year, I was pumped to spend a summer in the NICU where I was completely in love with the babies. Second year, I still wanted to be a pediatrician.

But then, third year came. And all the advice/doubts/worries started flooding my mind. "Keep an open mind". I looked at every rotation as a possible life choice. First was OB/GYN. I LOVED delivering babies. For the first time, I questioned my lifelong goal of becoming a pediatrician. I thought "if I hate peds, I could do this for a living.". Sure, the hours suck - and I'm not much on the GYN, but delivering babies, that's cool. Next was internal medicine, which I quickly knew was not for me. Same for psych.

I convinced myself I wouldn't like teenagers (maybe peds isn't for me).... then I had one on IM and loved it.
I convinced myself I wouldn't like school age kids... and then I loved it.
I never questioned my love for the babies, but all the pieces began to fit together finally.
I prayed, and I prayed hard. That I'd be able to "keep my mind open", and if peds was NOT where I was supposed to be, I'd be open to His ultimate decision.

This week, all the confidence I had in myself and God's plan for my life aligned. Yes, pediatrics IS for me. I'm happy to get out of bed every morning. I smile all day. I love playing games to get a physical exam done because a little one is crying, I love making my job fun, I love the people that work in pediatrics, and I love the happiness that's been brought to my life in just three days. I can only imagine the joy (and sure, heartache) that will join me for the rest of my life.

So for all of you who think you know what you want to do, don't question yourself. "Keep an open mind", but trust yourself! Sometimes you just know from the beginning. And somewhere deep inside I've always been a pediatrician.

Regardless of the fact that I have a couple rotations left (surgery, family) and intend to get all the good out of them I can, I'm signed on to a life decision. It's a good one. And my life is happier because you may allow me to be a part of your child's.

Psych is OVER!

2011-11-04T16:43:00.002-05:00

My time in the psych ward is officially over. Yes, I felt halfway like a patient at the end. LOL. Six weeks is a LONG time to deal with inpatient psych, and I definitely ruled out the specialty fairly early - hard to believe, but it's much more exhausting (to me) to hear about your emotional problems than your physical ones.

Yesterday was the CSA exam... I felt better about it, think I'm beginning to numb to the "oh shit" of it. Today was the board, which was fine... just another board... is it just me or does it seem like the question stems get longer each time??

Tonight I'm headed to Mistletoe to do some crazy shopping for my nephew for Christmas and hopefully find myself a few cute pair of earrings for my next few months on PEDS! Tomorrow, I've got a massage scheduled.. and Sunday I may go see a matinee all by myself. This is a relax/recharge weekend. I'm so excited about finally officially being a part of the dept of peds until February 5, and I can't wait to go to work on Monday! (Such a change from the last few months...)

"The future is never the way we imagined it"

2011-10-23T18:06:00.003-05:00

After a weekend crammed full of love, family, and melting memories into something new and beautiful, I figured I should share.

Friday I got to thinking about old memories and the good times we "used to have" as a college group. While rocking my beautiful nephew to sleep, I decided that those memories are nothing compared to the ones we're making now. To have these people in my life - to have literally grown up with them... I'm amazed to see how much we're all the same and how much we've changed over the past eight years (wow... that's a long time). To see that little boy smile makes every sad moment melt away. To know how much he's changed my life and to stand in awe of how much he's changed his mommy and daddy. We're all very blessed. It is so comfortable coming home to my "new normal".

Saturday we made family rounds - which was an interesting experience. For the first time in my medical "career", EVERY person I met had to tell me about their problems. I literally worked harder at the "you should see your doctor" and "I'm not sure, I'll have to look that up" than I actually work any day on the wards. I realized that this is what my life will become... our family used to have nice, normal people conversations.... now it's all "bombard the future doctor". Surely that will improve with time (one can hope).
If not, it's wonderful to know that my non-med school friends still see me as a little crazy and more friend/less doctor.

After all, I'd much rather discuss 4 month old coos, horror movies, good ice cream, bad dates, sleepovers and new tv series than medicine 24/7/365.

Speaking of new tv series... Once Upon a Time in 40 minutes. Yay!

Can you show me just how far the east is from the west?

2011-10-20T18:40:00.002-05:00

Blog title is from one of my favorite songs these days, but also serves well for the new area of Psych. 7East is indeed an entirely different world than 7West, and I love it. Dr. N is great, our resident rocks, and the best part is the half-days. And the best friend factor. :)

Wednesday we took a field trip to the State Hospital. I must say, it was a lot less restrictive/more "welcoming" than I expected. I think it was an important part of the rotation, because I'd be a lot more apt to recommend it to a patient now than I was before. And the grounds are beautiful - no wonder back in "the day" the docs that worked there lived there as well. The geese tho, the geese were loud.

Pretty sure I've made this statement before, but if I haven't, I've officially decided psych isn't for me. It requires waaaay too much questioning of your own sanity and is heart-wrenching to me. Two more weeks and then....

PEDS! :) <3

"Code White - 7W"

2011-10-15T15:32:00.002-05:00

The last week on 7W was very interesting. Tuesday we had our CPI training (Crisis Prevention and Intervention) and it was just in time. Wednesday was a scary, scary day. Starting pretty much before 8 AM, our first code white had been called. And this code white was very similar to a code blue at the VA - a complete cluster, and nothing like what we were taught in CPI (IE: Code white to CPI as Code Blue VA is to ACLS). Patient was eventually, with the help of a SWAT team, taken down and subdued... for a while. Then someone had the brilliant idea (read: least restrictive environment) that it was safe to return them to general functioning....

5:30 PM - Code White #2. Pretty much as awesome as the first, with complete return of SWAT team. I've decided FOR SURE that psych is never in my future after that experience. I've never been afraid for my life or those around me with a patient before, but I wasn't sure if we were all going to make it out alive on Wed.

And Thursday... we had to do it all over again (show up, that is). Patient was more subdued and we were able to "soft code" once and never needed SWAT... but everyone stayed on edge.

Good news - Psych Rotation 1 and Midterm are done. Three weeks to go and I'll be in my happy place. Got the schedule for my first PedsElective and I'm super pumped! I saw the words "NICU" listed for Wednesday afternoons and began to drool.....

Life on the psych ward.... week 2

2011-10-09T16:14:00.003-05:00

Another week down. Another specialty checked off the list. It's not that I'm utterly miserable (when I'm working - everyone's miserable when they're sitting), it's just not my thing. Mental/Emotional change is a lot slower than physical critical/care style change. Occasionally we have a patient come in that makes a spectacular recovery in a few days - that's cool. But that's the unusual. In fact, most of our patients have been headed to MSH lately instead of home :(.
At least I'm learning all about the mental status exam and how to do it right - and quickly. And my team rocks.
One more week on this service. Tuesday is our CPI training if they don't cancel it again. CPI stands for Crisis Prevention and Intervention - pretty sure I could've used that before now.... but it's another certification to add to my CV I suppose.

Went to Sams yesterday and bought myself a centerpiece for the table for Christmas... then put it on the table. Yes, it's October. Yes, I'm crazy. That's what happens when you're locked in a double-locked down unit for 9 hours a day, sitting in a room staring at three other girls and wondering if/when your attending is going to round. But with Pinterest and my new word search book (also from Sams), I feel as though the last few long days on the unit may be a little less stir crazy. :)

Weekend mental health break

2011-10-02T16:48:00.003-05:00

The week was... interesting. I can't say unexpected as everyone had told me exactly what to expect from this service, but it was fairly exhausting nonetheless. I had this overall dream world place in my head where psych=sleep... and that hasn't really been the case yet. Two more weeks on this part of the service.

This weekend I took a mental health break and headed south as soon as I got the OK from 7W to do so. Friday afternoon/evening traffic leaving Jackson is always a joy (and a main reason I usually get up early Saturday morning and drive down) but I wanted the extra sleep and extra time at home. I managed to be caught in the Pearl High School Football convoy alllll the way to the Laurel exit (SN: did Pearl win whoever they were playing? I feel like we bonded in that hour..)

I got to get LOTS of baby love which is all the mental health break I needed. Somehow the world just melts away when I'm holding that little boy and he's slobbering on me. Quote of the weekend was my dad looking at him and saying "You're really going to fix those for a living?". He always can make me laugh.

Today was his church dedication - I was grateful to get to be there, and it was very exciting for our little college family to come together for the occasion, minus a couple. It's amazing how much things have changed - and on the other hand - stayed the same over the last 8.5 years.

And the best part? Seems like Sam's doing a real good job of keeping us all together. I fall more in love with that little boy everyday... and I'm blessed beyond measure to be his aunt.

Welcome to 7th floor....

2011-09-26T19:26:00.003-05:00

The Psych Sorting Mug (yes, we picked out of a mug) was good to me. #12. This means I spend the first three weeks on 7 West (General Inpatient Psych) and the second half of the rotation on 7 East (Med/Psych). Overall, orientation went smoothly complete with a three hour lunch break.... M and I treated ourselves to Corner Bakery (complete with cookies that we saved for during the afternoon's lecture). Yes, you read that correctly... lecture. They suckered us into two hours of lecture while we were orienting. After all the sitting about and "learning", we went on a tour of Seventh Floor... and I can't lie, I've been in lock-down units before (South State Hospital), but it's always a little creepy, and a little sad.

Even though I have no interest in psychiatry as a profession, I'm looking forward to the next six weeks.... learning how to deal with people on the edge, and hopefully helping bring them back.

Did I mention our mornings start at 8 AM? I think this is gonna be a nice breakrotation.

A new era... and the Psych Sorting Hat

2011-09-24T17:33:00.005-05:00

A new rotation ushers in a much-needed blog overhaul. Hope y'all like it!

In other news, I've officially requested my first LOR and unofficially set a date for Step II CS (thanks to my awesome best friend who is determined that we can go together). Time is going by so fast! I can't believe how quickly this year is flying... and how much there is left to learn/do before those two little letters are at the end of my name.

Still a little nervous about starting psych, simply due to the unknowns that go with it. This whole picking out of a hat for your rotations.... I'd rather let the hat pick for me.

PS, psych sorting hat, I'm Slytherin with a side of Gryffindor. I'm pretty sure it's Ravenclaw that would be designed for Consults.... ;)

Internal Medicine is OVER!

2011-09-23T16:39:00.003-05:00

Goodbye, internal medicine. Goodbye, grownups (for now, sort of). You see, next up is psychology... and we'll be dealing with a lot of adults who are stuck in not-so-adult situations or wanting to be kids again... or acting like them.. or something. It should be interesting. I'm kind of just going to pretend like it isn't happening and start counting down... 30 work days of that, and I'm off to peds! For ten weeks... just long enough that I really, really REALLY won't want to go to surgery afterwards.

I LOVED Blue House Medicine. LOVED my attending. LOVED my residents. LOVED my M4, and working with my best friend.

I still would rather do the most unpalatable job you can think of than be an internist.
Yay for ruling out one specialty!

noncompliance: disagreement, disobedience, dissent, objection, protest, refusal , defiance, rebellion, sabotage

2011-09-15T16:46:00.003-05:00

The list of synonyms could go on and on....

The rest of the week has definitely gone uphill from my last two posts. I finally had my first "kid" patient - a crossover who just got old enough to leave Peds and come to the adult side... and even though it was a not so interesting case, I was hyped on the fact that I had a kid at all. Before she went home, we had a long talk on noncompliance with medications... which is an issue we face every single day in IM.

Medical noncompliance frustrates me to no end. I find myself having to bite my tongue to keep from saying what I really mean when I tell a patient "you have to take your medicines... if not, you're going to end up right back here again". But then they do... over and over and over again.

When I get super frustrated, I get to thinking about non-compliance in general. And I realize that even I suffer from this human error in some form or fashion every day. Just because I take my medications when the doctor tells me to certainly doesn't mean I'm compliant with every aspect of my life. Reading my bible for example.... ashamedly, I find myself extremely non-compliant with that. And I wonder if God feels the same way, like he just wants to shake some sense into me..... probably.

I'll try harder this week to be less frustrated with you not taking your medicines, even if it's gonna kill you. Because not taking care of myself spiritually could also kill me... and I do that way too much. I'll work harder to be more compliant and to help you understand how important it is that you join me.

Some days, it's amazing the lessons you learn from your patients... in the strangest places

cartoons and codes

2011-09-12T19:25:00.002-05:00

This morning, one of our patients just didn't look right. Any physician you talk to will tell you that through clinical experience you'll learn that no matter what the numbers say, your gut will tell you when something is wrong. My gut was screaming as we looked in. Within thirty minutes of the workup, we heard "Code Blue.... X unit" overhead. No matter what the rest of the announcement said - M and I looked at each other and our stomachs dropped as we headed off in that direction. About ten minutes into the code, I looked up through the chaos towards the television that was set on Cartoon Network. I fully realize that with the specialty I've most likely chosen, most - if not all - of the codes I attend as a physician have the likelihood of having cartoon network in the background. And that shook me to the core. It got me thinking about how often life isn't fair, and how sometimes things just don't seem right. For an hour or so, I wished I'd become hardened so these type of events would be easier on me. The rest of the day, I prayed I never will.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. His will be mine. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me the opportunity to take care of your sons and daughters during their time here. Help my heart never harden to their suffering, help me always see things through your eyes - but grow me into the doctor I know I can be even on the most challenging days.

saying goodbye

2011-09-10T10:53:00.003-05:00

I went into this weekend with excitement. It was the first two days I've had off in a row this month, and I was looking forward to resting and rejuvenating my soul to prepare for the rest of internal med.

And then, as quickly as the excitement began, my stomach dropped when I found out that my first patient passed away yesterday. How do you deal with a loss you aren't prepared for? Funny thing is, I maybe should've been... but I'm too glass half full for that. I can see why some people become jaded, it might be easier that way.

But I'd rather spend a few moments crying and reflecting on how this moment - and this person - changed my life. Yesterday morning, we spent several moments talking about the future - how the patient wanted to get better, to figure out what was really going on, to watch their high schoolers grow into men. A perfectly normal conversation you might have with your neighbor over your own breakfast. Just another day. Feeling well, but watchfully waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Then it did. And she was gone.

What I don't want to do with my life...

2011-08-27T19:12:00.003-05:00

Now that VA-Internal Medicine is officially over, I can speak my piece about it. I. Hate. It. HATE. It wasn't my attendings, it wasn't my residents, it wasn't the patients...In fact, all those people were amazing. Especially my interns. I'm just not a fan of internal medicine (thus far).

Right now, I'm leaving that hatred at the VA, as I'm about to start a month of House Med with my best friend at the U, and I'm thinking I should enjoy that more :)

However, so far... it looks like there's something I can put in the "never ever do I want to do this in my entire life" list. Which is good. Lots of experience, possible paper write ups, things I hope to never see again but everyone else may or may not be jealous of (like a serum K of 15.5, a pt with lycanthropy..).

The VA.... it's a special place. God bless those who serve our country, and God bless those who've chosen to care for them. We owe you all.

"Every patient, every symptom, every operation...is a test. A chance for us to demonstrate how much we know. And how much more we have to learn."

2011-07-15T19:43:00.003-05:00

This blog entry brings with it the end of OB/GYN. I've decided to write down a few of the highlights for later in the year when I'm trying to decide "deliver babies or take care of babies?"

Pros: Delivering babies, duh. Watching babies on the monitor. Helping mommies have healthy pregnancies. Turning not so healthy pregnancies into good deliveries. Turning not so good deliveries into the best situations possible. The residents (ah-mazing). The experiences (saw lots of things I'm sure I'll never see again). Surgery....?

Cons: GynOnc (onc is just so depressing...). The HOURS (and it's 10000x worse for the interns than the students... wasn't unusual for them to get there at 4 and leave at 8 that night). It's a tough, tough residency. I always knew it was hardcore, but I wasn't quite aware of HOW hardcore.

The Board: Meh. Not as bad as I expected.
CSA: Terrifying. But they'll get better as the year goes along I hear.

In other minute news, that fourletterword came back. And I'm pleased to report that I'm officially officially an M3 now :)

Becoming Aunt Meg

2011-07-06T17:02:00.003-05:00

In a twist from general med school reporting, I'd like to update the blogging community on my newest hobby - spoiling my nephew, who arrived July 1st. He's absolutely the most adorable man I've ever laid eyes on.... I had no idea I could fall in love so fast.

A little of his birth story... my sister went to be induced Thurs night. As of Fri morning, the progress she was making didn't look like we were headed in a good direction - so my wonderful GYN residents told me to go home and be there for his almost-sealed C-section fate. By the time I made it home, he'd decided that maybe labor wasn't all that bad, as long as mom laid on one side in one position. She progressed fast and after a complicated/difficult delivery baby made his entrance into the world, changing our lives forever.

Congratulations to the two most wonderful new parents I know. I was blessed to be a part of labor and delivery, and grateful to be the proudest aunt in the world. :)

baby-catching

2011-06-19T13:23:00.002-05:00

M3 year is a completely new, fascinating world. I'm glad I started on OB/GYN... I truly love it. Not that I'm surprised, I always figured it'd be my second choice behind peds. However, I'm putting a lot more thought into that than I ever imagined. I have one more week on the OB side, then I'll be on GYN... after that, I'll be able to make a rational decision as to my overall experience. But so far:
*GREAT small group (C, S, and S are fantastic partners and we work really well together)
*awesome interns
*surgery isn't as bad as I expected... never passed out, and I'm getting more used to the OR. Granted so far I've been on C-sections (but a couple of them were quite complicated).
*enough autonomy to make you feel like you're doing something, enough supervision to make you feel like you're not going to screw up
*baby-catching is AMAZING. Shocker, right?
*there's this emergency feel to L&D.. it's either super slow or crazy busy.

I don't think I'd do so well in small, "happy" (normal) practice... but I LOVE the critical care aspect of our population. OB/GYN with a Maternal Fetal Medicine fellowship is certainly not out of the question.

Tonight we switch to night schedule, which should be an interesting chain of events. I'm not sure how my body will handle the adjustment, but hopefully there'll be just enough activity to keep us awake. Plus side to nights: no lectures!!

#1 - "Please stand clear of the doors...Por favor mantenganse alejado de las puertas..." - Narrator, Monorail

2011-05-27T16:06:00.003-05:00

I'm still alive - and it's been so long, that I'm not really sure where to start. Second year wasn't very blog-worthy on a day to day basis, and the not so fun stuff just wasn't worth sharing. But the good and the bad are both memories now.

I'm one STEP (USMLE Step 1) closer to licensing. Finals, the lead up and incessant studying, as well as the test itself - it's all still kind of a blur. And maybe it's supposed to be that way. I did what I could do, and I'm trusting God with the results.

On to more fun things, like Mickey Mouse. As I type I'm staring at a half-full "European" size suitcase (you know, the kind you take when you go to Europe for a month?). I haven't been on a real vacation in so long that I sort of forgot how to pack. Who am I kidding, I've always overpacked. We're (Me, M and N) are leaving for Disney World tomorrow. I'm looking forward to lots of good food, good friends and finding all the magic that's dribbled out of my life for the last couple of years.

Let's get this celebration/girls' trip started!!!

PS: Who's an M3? I'm an M3!

"One of the hardest lessons as a doctor is learning to prioritize"

2011-04-05T09:41:00.004-05:00

Meredith [voiceover] One of the hardest lessons as a doctor is learning to prioritize. We're trained to do all we can to save life and limb, but, if cutting off a limb, means saving a life, we learn to do it without hesitation. It's not an easy lesson to learn, and it always comes down to one question, "what are the stakes?" What do we stand to gain or lose? At the end of the day, we're just gamblers trying not to bet the farm.

Somehow it's been a month since I've updated on the exciting goings on of my life (insert rolled eyes here). Honestly, the excitement is pretty dim these days. I'm going to skip all the day-by-day mumbo jumbo and hit on a couple highlights, just to let y'all know I'm still alive.

-Final Witnessed H&P - This is a complete history and physical exam done on a real patient, by me, and watched by a real doctor (my preceptor) that happened last week. It went better than I could've hoped, and I seriously cannot wait to be an M3 and doing these kind of things every day.

Suture Lab - Yup, I sewed a pig's foot back together. It was pretty cool. A challenge to begin with, but I got the hang of it. I'm hoping to get some good practice on OB/GYN so that I won't look like a complete idiot by the time surgery rolls around.

Other than these two "exciting" things, life is all about finishing the next 7 days of the classroom and 9 following tests... then that big one.

But on the other side..... Hellllllo Mickey Mouse! :)

"To a degree, medicine is a science...but I would argue that it's also an art."

2011-02-27T20:50:00.003-06:00

"To a degree, medicine is a science...but I would argue that it's also an art. The doctors who see medicine as a science only, you don't want them by your side when you're bleeding won't stop or when your child is screaming in pain. The clinicians go by the book. The artists follow their guts. The artists feel your pain and they go to extremes to make it stop. Extreme measures. That's where science ends and art begins."

It's almost time to start practicing the "art" of medicine. I, for one, cannot wait. Making third year schedule requests was a little stressful and anxiety producing, but it absolutely could not have turned out better. I've always been excited about the clinical years of med school but now I just can't wait to get started!

Next year's schedule is as follows:
OB/GYN
IS/ACLS
Medicine
Psych
Elective 1
Elective 2
Peds
Surgery
Neuro
Family
Elective 3

We don't know electives yet, but my top choices were Genetics, Peds Palliative, Behavioral/Developmental Med, Peds GI, Peds Surg, Peds Allergy/Immuno, ENT, and SICU.

It's VERY exciting to finally be here. It's a struggle to continue studying... another block of tests are next week, then Spring Break - yay for STEP Study week instead of a real SB :(.

However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's the light of a penlight, and it's still at the end of the tunnel, but it is no longer a train!!

In non-med-school news, I've almost completed the Harry Potter series for the first time. That's pretty exciting as well. It's taking a while to finish 7 due to these upcoming exams, but I'm definitely a fan of the literary genius of JK Rowling.

I also found out last week that I'll be having a NEPHEW in July. We're super excited about Baby S's arrival, and I've already been shopping - that's going to be one spoiled little dude... and I can't wait!

"What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning..."

2011-01-26T19:55:00.003-06:00

"What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning, but it's also important to remember amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to."

So, it's a new year. Practically February, and I'm just finding myself with the time (albeit in total procrastination) to update. It's really hard to blog this year.. primarily because I started this blog to be an insight into the parts of medical training that I may forget someday, and the little events that actually make things worth it. As we get closer and closer to May, wards are feeling farther and farther away. On the flip side, it feels like the fourletterword is coming up like a high-speed train. We've got exams starting again next week. It never ends. Some days are a drag just to get through. I am SO TIRED of the classroom. I'm tired of studying too much, sleeping too little, and feeling like it's never going to end. /endrant

In the midst of all my grumbling and complaining, I remind myself daily how blessed I am to be here, how much a difference my medschool friends have made in my life, and that we are truly only four full months away from being actual student doctors. Which leads me to the interesting topic of the week:

Monday we had something affectionately known as the "Male GU Demo". Now for those of you who are not in medical school or the medical professions, this is a time when we can all gather and learn what the male.... nether regions... are supposed to look like, as well as learn how to do the dreaded DRE (digital = finger, rectal = butt, exam = ...you get the picture). I really don't want to say much more about this, I just had to get it down so that one day I'll look back on it and laugh ;)

M's fiance finally came home from deployment, so I've managed to fit some fun hang out time in with them... other than that, it's just the usual school boredom. 3 more months in the classroom, then thefourletterword.

Come onnnnnnnnnnnn summer/Disney/June/wards/July/baby/therestofmylife...

"Buenas dias senorita, my siestas are getting shorter and shorter." - Jose, Tropical Serenade

2010-12-30T13:23:00.004-06:00

A bit of a different quote this time - direct from Walt Disney World's Tropical Serenade (formerly known as the Tiki Room). Jump start to the exciting parts of the last month that can finally all be blogged:

1 - My sister and brother in law are expecting! I'm finally going to be an aunt in July!! As you can tell, I'm not excited AT ALL about this prospect.

2 - Another really good friend from college is also expecting, due in late April. Babies everywhere... I can't wait.

3 - Walt Disney World will be happening at the end of May/early June with my best med school buddies as we celebrate the end of an era/error (the culmination of two CRAZY years) and have some fun before wards start.

4 - Christmas, of course. I love spending time with my family :)

It continues to be a wild ride. I have set a date for the fourletterword - May 23. The only thing getting me there is what's coming after.... Disney, M3, and baby. In comes the quote of the title - my siestas must get shorter and shorter, and my study hours longer and longer. As usual, there's only One who can get me through the next few months. I rely fully and honestly on His grace, assurance, and comfort.

"When was the last time a stranger took off her clothes in front of you, pointed to a purple splotch on her back, and asked,"what the hell is this?"

2010-12-03T20:05:00.002-06:00

"Question- when was the last time a complete stranger took off her clothes in front of you, pointed to a big purple splotch on her back, and asked,"what the hell is this thing?" If you're a normal person,the answer is hopefully never. If you're a doctor the answer is probably about five minutes ago." - Meredith Grey

So I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. In fact, I haven't even fallen out of the state. It's just been busy enough, and boring enough, that I've found myself with little to document. However, assuming the role of a true historian, I must break the silence and catch up - primarily with this week's events.

Thanksgiving at home was wonderful, I really enjoyed the family time and catching up with M and S. I miss her a lot some days... okay, most days. Having a sister, whether by blood or heart, is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

As far as school goes, it's basically one and the same. I'm entering a period of extreme "M2-itis" (extreme loathing of the classroom, studying, and the fourletterword coupled with intense procrastination, lack of motivation, and lots of dreaming about being on wards). Thankfully, it's almost Christmas break - which means a few extra days away, and one more test block down. Leaving us with only three to go before M3. :D

In other school related news, I'm pretty sure M and I got THE best preceptor on the planet. We've had a good time with her both times we've met, felt very at ease and stress-less over the situation, and are learning bits and pieces to incorporate into our own clinical practices. With that said, yesterday I did my first completely solo H&P (emphasis on the "H") - as in, grabbed the chart and walked in the patient's room on my own. Dr. M had previously informed the patient I was coming, but there's a first time for everything right? I'd done history-taking before, but announcing my own arrival was a new step... and it still amazes me what the White Coat does. The experience went well (except for the fact that I've yet to actually write up the final) and I'm looking forward to next week :)

Last night I went to my first Christian concert - Chris Tomlin and Louis Giglio. It was fabulous. Definitely helped me stay in the Christmas spirit with the reason for the season.

Tomorrow's going to be pretty crazy - Mississippi Children's Museum is opening, and I (and several PIG members/officers) am slotted to help with some of Batson's activities there. Should be a fun day. Tomorrow night is the Claus Ball, if I've got one iota of energy left. And then it's almost time to do it all again.

Lord, hold me... and help me cherish these (stressful) days before Christmas in the midst of the craziness.

"There are days that make the sacrifices seem worthwhile. And then there are the days where everything feels like a sacrifice.."

2010-11-08T21:04:00.004-06:00

The key to being successful is what we give up: sleep, friends, a normal life. We sacrifice it all for that one amazing moment, that moment when you can legally call yourself a doctor. There are days that make the sacrifices seem worthwhile. And then there are the days where everything feels like a sacrifice. And then there are the sacrifices that you can’t even figure out why you're making. - Meredith

Test block two is complete. On average, this one was a little more stressful than the last. I'm not sure if that's because of the way the material was arranged (lots of classes didn't overlap very well, so it was literally like studying five weeks of material for five different tests in five days), the way the tests were arranged (with the big ones spaced out MWF), or that I just didn't pace myself quite as well during the block - but as usual, M and I made it through together, and I'm fairly happy with the results.

Things I learned this week: 1) Getting news of any great magnitude - be it good or bad - is not conducive to productive studying. 2) I can't cram for anything except Micro... but I'm an awesome Micro crammer. 3) My best friend and M2 "other half of my brain" is pretty much amazing - and I'm beyond glad that God put us in each other's lives at just the right moment... definitely couldn't make it without her.

The weekend was lovely. Friday night, I went to Mistletoe Marketplace for the first time... so much fun. I see a new annual tradition headed my way! Saturday, Mommy came up and we went shopping (Mistletoe again... and some other places). Yesterday, just football and lots of relaxation... followed by Girls' Night, the Grey's Anatomy we missed Thursday (stupid test block).

There were grand master plans to go to school today, but those fell through when the bed was just waaaaay too comfy. And after looking at the schedule for tomorrow, I'm calling a repeat. Four day weekends? Anytime. Thanks med school. It's nice of you to "play nice" after last week. :)

De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean

2010-10-22T18:07:00.004-05:00

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it? - Meredith

So it's been two weeks already, eh? The title of this post about sums it up. Finally got to a "non-denial" place about this test block, just in time thank goodness. I had too much fun (is that even possible?) being normal and just had no desire to return to the mundane world of M2 year.

Highlights from the last couple of weeks:
NICU day last Monday - lots of cool cases around right now, also super cool to see some of my last on-call deliveries from the summer "all grown up". A few long-term kiddos have even gone home. It was so nice to be back, but one day is just a tease.

Starry Starry Night - very cool. I'm getting the hang of the Easely Amused experience.. and getting addicted.

FAIR!!! It was my first trip to the fair, and it was lots of fun. Ate a huge turkey leg, a funnel cake (complete with strawberries), and rode 'til I almost (literally) threw up. Thanks M for a fun time, and not laughing at me toooo much when we had to stop that one ride...

"Life As We Know It" - Very very cute, very much a chick flick, very much recommended.

Church- as much as possible. Having a home place of worship is great!

There was, of course, lots of studying in between that and this past week and I'm finally beginning to feel caught up. I'm no where near ready and it's going to be an insane 10 days or so before the next block starts. But I'm totally looking forward to week-after again. This M2 thing? It's pretty cool.

"....To stop thinking like a doctor, and remember what it means to think like a human being."

2010-10-07T21:14:00.005-05:00

"They say that practice makes perfect. Theory is– the more you think like a doctor, the more you become like one, the better you get at remaining neutral, clinical, cut, suture, close - the harder it becomes to turn it off. To stop thinking like a doctor, and remember what it means to think like a human being."

It's been a lovely two weeks. Renaissance was AMAZING. I don't know why I waited so long to play that game - I'll definitely be doing some Christmas shopping there. That was Tuesday... after that I guess I went to school for a couple days, it's been a very "non school" type of couple weeks. I needed the break, but I suppose it's time to get back on the horse. I didn't realize how much break I'd need after the test block - the M3's warned, but since I didn't spend 20 hr days studying the week of tests I honestly figured I'd be alright. Guess the exhaustion kicks in no matter what.

This week has been very sluggish. Today we did ENT exams on each other, that was kinda fun. My partner played "kid" since I was the only self-proclaimed pediatrician to be in the room. She whined, moaned , and pulled her ears away from me. Fun times in M2 land. We also had our second PIG meeting today - I think it went great!

Also, M and I have secured a preceptor for ICM, even though the ICM people haven't told us a thing about when this is all going down - which is funny, seeing how it's supposed to happen in less than two weeks. As is med school - we never REALLY know what's going on.

Studying still hasn't come back full force.. but it will tomorrow. I've got a long weekend due to a lucky break on the path/ICM schedules, and I plan on catching up and getting ahead (if possible). Monday I'm playing in the NICU. Can. Not. Wait. It's been a long nine weeks not in there. We have one mandatory at two oclock, but I'll be in baby land until then :). Easely Amused after - where I'm painting "Starry, Starry Night" . I'm sure it'll be WAY better than VanGogh. Hahahaha.

"I like my money where I can see it... hanging in my closet" - Carrie, SATC

2010-09-28T10:50:00.003-05:00

I promised I'd update with a non-medical school/fun post eventually, so here goes the epic weekend:

Friday night - Grey's Anatomy, Girls' Night In, and out and out forgetting that school ever existed
Saturday- Starkville! First "live" football game... and it was way too much fun. Melissa thinks she might even turn me into a State fan. Eh, I don't see that one coming any time soon - but I did cheer for them and get excited when they beat the pants off Georgia. My football fandom goes as such: Ole Miss>Mississippi Teams>Bama/Florida>All Other SEC>The rest of the country...
Sunday - church, football (Saints... what more can I say. Don't break our hearts this season boys... it takes an offense AND a defense).
Monday - had a freaking mandatory TBL (team based learning, or more affectionately known as total BS and lies) that was extraordinarily painful, followed by keifer's and writing of test challenges.
Today - it's off to Renaissance with M and N for lots and lots of retail therapy, good food, and laughs.

It's a very happy time in my life. Welcome to it :)

Foreman: "Now all we have to do is read her subconscious and hope that it's completely rational and went to med school."

2010-09-24T15:15:00.003-05:00

Test block OVER!!! What a week it has been. The title of this entry, although intended towards a patient in an episode of House totally describes a majority of our professors and their approaches to test questions. I'm just relieved to be on the other side, and super excited about a school free weekend. So far, it holds promises of lots of food, friends, football and fun. Going to my first college game tomorrow night - pretty excited about that. Tonight is going to be low key... I've got about enough energy left to lift my head off the pillow and look at the computer screen (and that's pushing it!) even after a couple hour nap.

I can't say the week was pleasant, but it was much easier considering the fact that M moved in and we muddled through it all together. How you'd do this without a best friend beside you, I have absolutely NO idea.

In personal news, one of my very good friends from home has officially announced her pregnancy - I'm so happy for her and her husband. They are going to make wonderful parents. I was lucky enough to be in the wedding, and if all goes well (and baby stays put til his/her due date), I may be lucky enough to be beside her on this big day too - it falls at the very end of April, so I'm going to have to have a talk with Peanut and convince him/her to wait until after finals, but soon after, so that it isn't close to fourletterword test day.

Looking forward to October. Fall is in the air (somewhere), I'm making another trip to Easely Amused (Starry Starry Night by Meg, the artist...), and there will not be one single test. Much different than Blacktober last year. All my prayers and well wishes are already with the M1's. Other projects for October involve a day or two back in the NICU and some more research on the longitudinal study that Dr. K and I were looking at starting toward the end of the summer. Crazy how quickly the year is passing.

This could quite possibly be the most boring blog post ever. Just wanted to let y'all know I hadn't dropped off the face of the planet... and hopefully I'll have fun things to post about soon!

A patient's history is as important as their symptoms. It's what helps us decide if heart burn's a heart attack... if a head ache's a tumor....

2010-09-13T11:21:00.003-05:00

"A patient's history is as important as their symptoms. It's what helps us decide if heart burn's a heart attack... if a head ache's a tumor. Sometimes patients will try to re-write their own histories. They'll claim they don't smoke, or forget to mention certain drugs... which in surgery can be the kiss of death. We can ignore it all we want, but our history eventually always comes back to haunt us." - Meredith

Another wonderful week in the world of med school. I can't believe the test block is right around the corner, but shockingly, I feel much more prepared than I thought I would at this point and I'm truly not overly concerned. Kind of ready to get it over with.

The big exciting news of this weekend post is that I've finally found a church I feel "home" at in Jackson... why it took me so long to go, I'll never have any idea. But God was definitely drawing me there yesterday and it was an incredible experience. Very different than any church I've ever been a part of (It's. So. BIG!!), but exactly what I need at this point in my life. We also started up bible study on Wednesday, so I've spent the week getting back to the basics and the things that matter - my relationship with Jesus and His community. It's a lot easier to go through the trials and tribulations of daily living when you're in concert with Him. Even though I've struggled a bit with my humanism this week, it's been revealed to me in multiple ways and through multiple people that He is good, and He has put some amazing people in my life to help me walk this journey :)

So once again, it's kind of a boring "med school" update. I'm ready to get back in the clinical setting, the classroom is for the birds. Which is why I'm sitting at home studying today instead of in the classroom... I'm tired of being a bird. It seems we study better not sitting in class and the stress level is much lower, so I'm slowly becoming one of "those" people. I'll never be a complete non-class-goer, but not being there every class is awesome.

Now, back to breast pathology. Don't forget to do your monthly self breast checks!

doctorspeak

2010-09-04T12:02:00.003-05:00

Sometime in the last two months, something changed. Not only are we beginning to think like doctors, we're also beginning to talk like doctors - and not in the awkward "using big words because we just learned them" way of last year. Nope. Instead, doctorspeak has become almost as comfortable, if not more so, than the common English that I've been speaking for 25 years. For example:
CC: 25yo WF presents for occasional "heart racing".
HPI: Sxs appear seasonally, with peaks in September and December/January
Physical: Normal findings... (lots and lots of three letter abbreviations)
Dx: Football FEVER!!!!!!!

Why yes, my friends, it is officially football season! As if this week needed help getting any more fun and less school productive? :)

Other things that happened this week outside the realm of study central:
-First PIG meeting on Thursday. I think it went pretty well :), and i've tweaked the sticky parts so that next month's is even smoother
-Easely Amused Thursday night was AMAZINGLY fun. Our painting "Sweet Georgia Brown" looked pretty tough, and I have no artistic ability.. so I was a little bit nervous about that. But it was super fun, turned out really well, and is definitely an experience I'll repeat.
-Mommy's birthday yesterday... we had a good time hanging out/catching up. Family is something that too often gets neglected during this process (especially last year) and I'm grateful that I've found a better balance so far this year.

Hope everyone has a WONDERFUL long weekend!

"The key to surviving ... is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed..

2010-08-27T19:02:00.003-05:00

"The key to surviving ... is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed.. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial."

Pretty good quote for the week. It seems as though life in general has been a big basket of denial for me lately. Denial that second year is in full swing, denial that the weeks are starting to fly by, denying the inevitables that are coming both in the next month and in the next 9 months. But sometimes, you just can't deny any longer.

In a moment of weakness Wednesday night, I purchased nine months of access to USMLERx, my first question bank for the *gulp* fourletterword. School buys the great bank (WORLD) for us, and we can start it whenever, but i've heard such good things about it that I want to save it for closer to actual test time. The fourletterword is also spoken continuously at school. The M3's came to give us advice, Doctors In Training came to sell their products... and it's just week two. Which leaves me wondering just exactly how psycho our "super gunner class" will be come spring semester. I can't deny (although I'd like to) that there's a bit of fear associated with the fourletterword, but it's going to be just fine. I'm going to pace myself and learn the material as I can this year, study FA along with my review books for class tests, do question blocks that match the material we're learning in class, and try my best to keep God first and NOT freak myself out. Because like my sister told me Wednesday night, He already knows exactly what I need and exactly what I'm going to make. There's a peace in that. It's still a big fourletterword in my life, and will be a major player in the next nine months. But I've got some amazing friends to keep me grounds, and M walking the coals alongside me.

Had a great lunch with a NICU friend today. Nice to be able to gush about the babies and be not only loved in spite of it or for it, but to be completely and utterly understood. YAY NICU team. I hope she's my nurse someday :)

The first PIG meeting is next week, and I'm pretty excited. I'm hoping we have a good turnout - but we always do :). There are some exciting things in the works for the club this year... so all the future pediatricians, please come out and hear what we've got up our sleeves!

I'm beyond grateful for a weekend. I'm at the tired enough to be almost sick point, and hoping some extra rest takes care of that. It's going to be a busy week. I think I've got something going on Wednesday night that I can't remember right now... Thurs is Pig and Thurs night the Three Muskateers are going to a painting class (stay tuned for info on how the non-creative babydoc did during said experience).

In wrap up, the class week was fairly boring. I'm still going to class, along with 20-30 other people. It's not that I get more out of being there, it's just I'm afraid i'd sleep too late if I stayed home and therefore wouldn't be as productive. We'll see how long this lasts... I'm giving it my best shot. Oh, and immunology needs to die. It sucks. It's boring, and there's just nothing anybody can do to change that.... except perhaps Clinical Immunology Made Rediculously Simple, which is sitting out on the porch in its box from UPS. That's how excited I've been about studying tonight. I think I'll just let it stay there a while.

Back to the Saints game and overall veg-out-til-I-feel-better.

Meredith: "I can't think of a single reason why I should be a doctor, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit..."

2010-08-20T16:35:00.003-05:00

Meredith: [voiceover] "I can't think of a single reason why I should be a doctor, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose. There are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here's the thing, I love the playing field."

That quote definitely sums up our lives in general and the first week of M2 year. I've been pleasantly surprised at the overall progression of the week - not that I love every class, but that, in general, the material is much more clinically oriented. That makes it much more relevant and easier for me to bring myself to study. On a case by case basis:

ICM - I can see how some people say this class is too easy and gets blown off, but I really, really like it. However, I really, really, really like clinical medicine. Not the books. The first two years have always just been a "learn all I can to be the best physician I can"... not a "I want an A in every class because I love studying and study 20 hours a day and deserve it". Worst part about this one? It's always (so far) at 8:00AM, but so is grown-up life, so I'll get over it.

Genetics - Continuation of last year. I like genetics - it's very NICU related. I've seen most of the things we talk about in class in clinic or in the unit, and it's super cool to get to put them together.

Path - So far, so good. This one's heavily clinically relevant as well. The material isn't fun, and next week should be a REAL treat (I've heard scary things abt immunopath), but it's still a good class. Lab & small group today were easy easy... and very informative.

Micro - So far, this is the one I loathe the most. I loved micro in undergrad, but so far, we haven't talked about one real pathogen. It's all immunology - BLAH. Bring on the bugs already!!! There was also one real interesting rabbit-chasing prof so far, and that's always fun.

Pharm - Ick. It's biochem on steroids so far. We haven't learned any drugs yet - except Ibuprofen... Yup.

In other news, I went to the NICU yesterday to get some baby love. I also went to M & M - which was really interesting, considering I had been in the unit when the case came in. M & M was a combo of genetics and path so very useful.
Tomorrow is the NICU reunion and my quarter-life crisis. However, with these friends and family beside me, I'm excited to start the BEST quarter of it next ;)

"We enter the world alone and we leave it alone. And everything that happens in between, we owe it to our self to find a little company" - Meredith

2010-08-14T21:57:00.004-05:00

I thought that Grey's quote was appropriate for the last couple of days.... as I've been "reconnecting" with my medical school life (minus the school part).

Yesterday, M and I went shopping and followed it up with a Grey's Anatomy marathon. It's funny to watch what LITERALLY seems like ourselves played out in Meredith & Christina. Gave lots of laughs and lots of girl time - both of which were desperately needed.

Today, I met with my buddies... both my M3 buddy and my M1 buddy. It's kind of weird (and nice!) to be sandwiched in now, but parts of me are thinking "when did I get enough authority to give anybody advice?" Hopefully I'll be able to be half of the M2 buddy that mine has been - I really couldn't have asked for a better mentor along the way. Seemed like everytime I was falling apart, she just happened to be in the right place at the right time. And catching up today, I've realized that we will be lifelong friends.... which leads me to the real reason for this post.

It's hard to believe that it's been a year already... a full year in the bank. I remember meeting C (my M3 buddy) when I was the brand-new M1 and she was an M2... and I remember other older med students giving me advice. My mom mentioned something similar as she's been in the healthcare field for 25+ years . One piece of advice in particular stuck out from everyone... "you'll make friends here that you'll never forget. When you stand over a cadaver for the first time, when you see the inside of a body... when you take care of your first patient, when you LOSE your first patient... people who aren't here can't understand that. The people who ARE here will give you strength."

And boy, is that true! You draw on each other, cry with each other, laugh with each other... and in the end, you grow - as friends, as individuals, and as doctors-in-training. It's a privilege to walk beside these people I humbly am blessed to call my friends here, and cannot wait to call on them as colleagues. As we begin a new year, with new friends and new places to be (and undoubtedly many new challenges), I find myself much less afraid of what it brings - because I know we're all in this together.

So best of luck to the M4's as they finish up ERAS, M3's as they get the hang of rotations, us as we prepare to finish our classroom lives and STEP, and the M1's as they join us on this journey. It's going to be an AMAZING year. I can't wait to get started :)

(By the way, first PIG meeting Sept 2: BE THERE!!!)

M2 excitement/terror

2010-08-09T11:52:00.002-05:00

The last week of summer has arrived, and with it, anxiety and excitement at beginning M2 year. I'm determined to make this one better than the last - I think the schedule will have a lot to do with making that happen. And there'll be lots of PIG fun as well. But looming over everything is that great big nasty four letter word that will take over my holidays and summer - STEP.

I had full intentions of studying/reviewing a LOT this summer. Thankfully, my summer job was way too fun and I just didn't have time. I may kick myself in May, but for now I think that was a good thing. I'm not burned out already - I've got a little bit of initiative (not much) going into next week.

Thank God for amazing friends and people who understand this brain war when no one else does. It's a masochistic kind of excitement... no one in their right mind would want another year of this. Good news - none of us are in our right minds.

Happy new school year, everyone!

And just when I thought it couldn't get better...

2010-07-29T20:36:00.003-05:00

I had the best day today... an emotional high from early this morning well through getting home this evening. Starting at the beginning... (because generally that's a good place to start)

When I got to the unit and pre-rounded on the babies I'm following, everybody looked good. I made the decision that I thought one was ready to come off CPAP, and cleared it with my attending. Yay for tube-free babies!
Then I went to look up labs, xrays, etc to prepare for rounds and was talking to one of the residents when I found out that not only were none of them on call today, the three that were there this morning had clinic in the afternoon. This means there was a lonely little delivery pager going to be sitting all by itself.... or not :)

Clipped the pager on about 8:30... finished prerounds and plans and started rounds. We were about halfway through when the pager went off for the first time. Off to the delivery room. Big baby, fairly healthy, just a little extra work of breathing. After watching him for a while, the NNP decided to send him on to the transition nursery. The rest of rounds went by without issue and we got done really early.

My amazing mentor/attending then called to take me to lunch for my last day :) We had a great lunch and then went over my presentation for tomorrow, giving it the final touches. I told her I wanted to hang out in the unit for a while and see if anything interesting would happen because the delivery board was full and several of them were preemies.

Went to check on the twins and ok'd mom holding... for the first time. This was what I thought would be the most inspiring and rewarding moment of my day. Then.....

Got settled at my desk about two to review test results and... beeep.. 911. That means RUN, not walk, not elevator... scale the stairs two to three at a time. When I get in the room, it's just me and the delivery nurse... and in runs the resident OB with a tiny bundle. On the warmer is delivered the smallest person I've ever seen. For what seemed like an eternity, I got the initial heart rate and had the fleeting thought of fear as an NNP hadn't responded yet. Thankfully, she was there almost as soon as the thought went through my head. I gladly stepped back from the head of the bed on that one and had her take over for the intubation, assuming a first-assistant role. Fast forward through all the medical details and you'll be pleasantly surprised to know that AMAZING child, God's perfect creation, looks more alive than anyone ever thought possible. A fighter, we say. And even though the odds are stacked against him, this part deep inside of me is almost sure he'll make it.

As he's settling into his bed and I'm beginning to catch my breath, beeep... 911. Adrenaline rush, straight back to the second floor. This one we at least beat to the room. A little bigger, a little stronger. But still tiny. Heart rate, intubate. And in the meantime, realize the child's head is bleeding... profusely. Stitches in the resuscitation room? Has that ever been done? The prayers go up. Pressure is applied, the intubation is complete, we watch and wait. The bleeding slows and the baby improves. It's off to the transport incubator, and down to meet the new friend across the hall, who was born less than an hour before, 7 weeks more premature.

As I signed out tonight, returned the delivery pager to the front desk, and said a few goodbyes, I found myself less sad than I thought I'd be. Maybe because I was exhausted, but maybe because God allowed me to have an amazing last day, showing me how much work He's done in me this summer and the endless blessings He has in store. This time last year, I said I wanted to be a neonatologist and save babies. Now I've tried my hand at it. Is it stressful? Of course. Trauma-heavy? Definitely. Hardcore? Some say so. Devastating? Some days. Rewarding? Everyday.

I may not be spending 8-10 hours a day in the NICU in the coming months or years, but I'll be there as much as possible... and my heart will never leave. I carry a tiny footprint to remind me of what's on the other side.

This IS the rest of my life. Welcome to it. :)

Today is gone. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. Every day, from here to there. funny things are everywhere.

2010-07-25T11:18:00.003-05:00

I thought i'd finish up the "one fish two fish" reference from the previous post...

It was an amazing week in the NICU. Carrying my own patient load is just wonderful - i've learned so much about fluid and electrolyte management, lab values, sepsis workups... and those two little angels in general. The thought of returning to the classroom soon is just UGH.

Took my "last" call on Thursday night. It was a crazy day... I rounded on the kids, gave my presentation to the residents during their morning lecture, then we had regular grand rounds... by then things were starting to get crazy. I went to a delivery during that and by the time I got back we had a kid falling apart on one side of the nursery with surgery at the bedside doing a repair... then we had a significant problem on the OTHER side (and since my attending was on call and that one had left we were covering all 95+ beds). I got to see a pretty neat procedure over there. It's funny, because there's a set of twins on that side that are similar to the ones I'm following - just a couple weeks earlier and sicker. I've learned a lot about twinning lately. :)

It never really settled down through the night - I slept for a couple of hours. By the time it got quiet, I couldn't settle my head down and sleep, so I helped with late night feedings. There just isn't anything sweeter than rocking a baby while you coax them to eat. Especially looking at that baby realizing that three months ago, it was highly unlikely he would survive, much less make it to this point. "I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love"

One more week. It ends too soon, but I must return to the classroom. Time to get it over with.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish

2010-07-20T19:48:00.002-05:00

During my last post, I wrote of the excitement of following my own baby for the first time. Due to the complexity of the medical conditions, she survived only a day after admission. I finished my differential dx thoughts at least, and anxiously await chromosome studies to see if I had any of the right ideas.

In the meantime, we had a set of "grower-feeder" twin girls come in and I was assigned both of them! (Hence the one fish, two fish title ;)) It's a lot more conducive to learning because they are acting like typical preemies, so I'm able to figure out the nutrition, respiratory management, etc. I'm learning the art of teeny-tiny physical exams and what to look for each time I see the patients and learning what makes "grower-feeders" tick in general. It's great. In case you guys missed it, I LOVE my job :):)

In other news, my research project is finished, my powerpoint is getting polished, and Dr. K and I have started the next project. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've been given and look forward to staying involved in the newborn medicine department in the coming years :)

159 (class/tests days in M2 year)

2010-07-16T20:42:00.002-05:00

159 days of class and tests in the upcoming year.
This translates to 257 total days, including weekends and holidays (most of all which will be spent studying).

These numbers are discouraging and encouraging. With two weeks left in the NICU, I'm already fighting a heavy heart going back to the classroom. However, I know it's necessary evil - something that must be done in order to reach the ultimate goal. I know I'll be able to visit and stay involved in pediatrics as much as my study schedule allows this year - I just hope that is at least occasional. I'm going to do my best to stay on top of the work, not get behind, and have an amazing year. /End future-freak-out-moment.

As for this week, it's been wonderful. I went to the OR three days this week with three different kids from the NICU. Ended up being with three different specialty surgeons (peds general, ENT, and neuro) and getting lots of OR/anatomy experience. It's not as bad as I thought it might be. In fact, surgery is almost fun. It's definitely not something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life, but at least I'm not freaked out about/dreading 3rd year rotation anymore.

I also learned NEODATA today, our charting system. Dr. K is preparing me for 4th year externship - for that I am really, really excited. Granted it's totally early... but as quickly as last year passed I know it'll be here before I know it.

With experience comes freedom, and responsibility... which is a little intimidating but leads to more experience and the circle continues. Today I was assigned a patient to follow with a NNP. "My" baby isn't a full term grower-feeder or even a micro preemie. It's a really, really complicated case. I'm slightly intimidated by the complexities of it all... but the NNP's are wonderful and she'll be making the decisions - I'm just allowed to verbalize my thoughts first and see if I can come up with the right ideas. So here I am on a Friday night, formulating a differential and planning to go up to the hospital both days this weekend to do a physical. Some call it crazy, some call it love.... but I'm soaking up EVERY possible moment.

a post in numbers (following my good friend M's last one)

2010-07-12T19:59:00.004-05:00

7:37 - time I headed to the operating room this morning
2 - big brown eyes asking "what's going on?" - that baby is a heartbreaker in the making!
86 - minutes from "timeout" to final sutures
80 - fingers and toes counted on discharge exams
20 - carseats, diaper bags, and other misc "patient belonging bags"
4 - happy, healthy infants released home today from our side of the unit
89- current census (AFTER the discharges)

What an AMAZING day in the NICU :)
It was my first time to go to the operating room with one of our kiddos, and it was fun (for me, probably not so much for the baby). Our pediatric surgeons are awesome and the baby did great and is recovering quickly. We'll be adding another to the "homegoing" list very soon!

"Call the pharmacy and put in the order"

2010-07-08T19:26:00.004-05:00

"Call the pharmacy and put in the order". Said like it was just another day, another doctor. Someone who'd been there forever. But it wasn't just another doctor. It was ME... Not only am I not a doctor (merely a quarter of one), but it was my first order, handed down from an attending, during a crisis situation.

So what do all good doctors-in-training do? Follow the order. Ask for help when you need it. And realize the impact of what you've learned when you finally have time to breathe, days later.

"Dopamine, such-and-such loading dose with such-and-such mcg/kg/hr?" I yelled across the unit to the attending at the baby's bedside. He nodded and smiled.

And even though someone else checked it and signed off on it, I put in my first order. Of course if I wouldn't have been standing there, anyone else could have done it... and probably more confidently. I was honored to have had the chance, for one moment, to participate in trauma care.

It was one single moment in everyone else in the room's life... and a moment that will never be forgotten in mine. It was perhaps the first moment that medicine leapt off the textbook page and into the incubator. I wasn't doing something because it was exactly what we'd done for every kid all day, but because it was what SHE needed at that particular moment.

I'll never quit asking questions, and I'll probably never quit questioning myself - at least a little. But with every day and every learning experience, my confidence is growing. My faith is stronger than it's ever been - God is closer than I've ever felt him. As long as I stay this close, I can hear His directions, those of the ultimate Attending. And He will never lead me astray.

Happy birthday, sweetheart...

2010-07-08T19:13:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday... it's something we say every day in the NICU. The lullaby plays over the Women's Hospital loudspeaker, another baby has been born. It's another Happy Birthday.

Sometimes those birthdays aren't quite so happy. If a birthday comes too soon, the human part of each of us may be wondering exactly what the baby is doing here. The part that believes in God's ultimate plan never wonders that. Sometimes I find myself a little too human, a little too heartbroken. I suppose I'll struggle with that for the rest of my life. However, it's a struggle that fits - a struggle that feels right. You take the good with the bad, you hope you can make a difference, and you pray. A lot.

Back on the subject of birthdays... we recently had a baby celebrate their "third" birthday with us. You see, almost everyone celebrates their "first" birthday here... that's Day 1 of life. Then there's the "second" birthday. That's the day you were SUPPOSED to be born. Your due date. More often than not, that birthday is spent here as well. But the third... that one is rare. So we celebrated. Like any family celebrates their child's true first birthday. Ok, so our party attendees couldn't have cake - and couldn't actually attend the party at the bedside... but that child had more "friends" at his birthday party than any one-year-old I know! The next day, the sad reality kicked in. The banners were still up... "happy birthday"s all over the bed. But the baby had turned sick overnight, and we were all reminded exactly why it'd been a year that he'd been living in these walls. I pray your second year, and your "fourth" birthday, is happier and healthier, little one. And until you can make it on your own, we'll continue to hold your hand.. and God will always hold your heart.

first day "on service"

2010-07-03T11:17:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the first day of the summer that my attending physician has been on service in the NICU. I was excited about this because I knew I'd have the opportunity to be more involved - and boy was that an understatement!

We started rounding yesterday morning and I got to do a few exams... there's just nothing like putting your hands on a tiny patient <3. Yesterday afternoon, we had a new admission - and I got to help do lots of things handed down directly from the attending - for a few hours, I totally felt like a doctor. And helpful. Which is an interesting feeling that doesn't happen a lot... sometimes I feel more in the way than helpful, especially in crisis situations. There's just so much activity in the NICU and so many people involved when things go wrong. But yesterday, I was involved. Helpful. Useful.

And I can't wait for the next day. And the next.

In other news, M has started her ER rotation - and seems almost as madly in love as I am with NICU. Yay for the rest of our lives! I'm glad to have friends who want to do different things - that way the next time I make a stupid decision or trip over some flat surface, I have somebody I can call personally... before I have to show up and explain it in the local emergency room.

the little things...

2010-06-29T08:34:00.001-05:00

a workup on a sick baby yesterday... normally, we are worried about sepsis, staph, etc.

"Mr x's workup is back. he has an ear infection"

and I smile. because underneath it all, under all the high tech medicine, these babies are still babies. and normal things make us happy.

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“Father asked us what was God's noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are."

2010-06-25T19:20:00.006-05:00

“Father asked us what was God's noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are." - Louise May Alcott, Little Women

It's been a trying two weeks for me personally. We had quite a scare with my grandfather's health that only the good Lord brought him out of. Thanks to lots and lots of prayers and his strength and resilience, today marked the end of a tumultuous and long hospital stay. He's home and doing well! Due to those developments, I spent the better part of last week playing doctor- but not on the babies. I went home to be with my family and try, to the best of my ability, to fill my role as the family rock. It's hard to be the one everyone looks to for medical knowledge, especially just one year in. There's still so much I don't know. However, just one year gives you a lot of pull in the hospital environment. I was able to follow more - and help more - than I ever thought possible. Once again, I thank my Heavenly Father for that.

As far as the NICU goes, this week has been wonderful - a great learning experience. My attending is still off service, so I've spent each with rounding with a different attending... this week's was incredibly intense teaching-wise and I learned a ton. I was also able to make it to all of the Pediatrics meetings (Grand Rounds, Case Management) this week and those are also good....

Rounds today were crazy. What usually lasts 90 minutes or so was complicated by an intubation, cardioversion, and delivery. I got to assist a bit (as in hold stuff) on the intubation, and I'm looking forward to being certified Monday.. hopefully I'll get to do my own first intubation soon! I finished my written test for certification this week, so it's just practice on Monday and meet all the new residents.

I'm settling in nicely and my research is going well. I'm looking forward to the next month and continued involvement throughout the next couple of years, M4 rotation, and residency & fellowship. Is it June 2013 yet???

Random quote from an unnamed in the unit:
"Honey, siblings aren't allowed back here..[in the NICU]. Where's your mom or dad?"
...
"I was just bringing my baby some breast milk"

And so it goes in today's society. Insert foot in mouth, unnamed.

quotes of the day

2010-06-23T11:49:00.001-05:00

"it'd be easier to cannulate a moose"

"why are we talking about poop?" "because we're doctors, and that's what doctors do".

and it's only lunch...

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Call night... and the end of week 1... never trust a preemie

2010-06-11T17:21:00.003-05:00

Wednesday night I completed another first on my list for the summer. I took call with my attending physician. I actually carried a resident pager, slept in house, and responded with the residents/nurse practitioners. It was super cool - very little sleep involved, but very much worth it. I've learned in just a week that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be doing EXACTLY what God has called me to do. It is an amazing feeling... a blessing, and huge responsibility. I couldn't be happier. Even with the story I'm about to share.

Almost as soon as I clipped the pager on wednesday night, a baby started "crumping" (medical terminology for falling apart with no known cause). Blood gases were off, oxygen sats were bad... the kid just looked sick. Really sick. She'd been sick for a while (and touch and go a few times), but suddenly I found myself watching a full out resuscitation effort. The IV access was poor and it was determined that she wasn't receiving all her meds (causing the other problems), so the nurses and doctors tried again. And again. Finally surgery was consulted to put a line in. For what seemed like an eternity, the ventilator was off and Andrea was hand-bagged while the surgeons tried to get access. It took much longer than anyone anticipated, and she lost a lot of blood. A lot, in the nicu, is about the equivalent of what you and I would get if we sliced our finger open. Not even enough to go to the hospital for stitches. But this kid needed blood, and fast. All the appropriate tests were run and the blood was brought up. Enough blood to fill a medium size syringe. Wouldn't volume-expand a grown person at all - but it was enough to replace Andrea's entire supply. And mind you, she was a "big kid" (once again - "big" is relative... in the NICU, >3 lbs is big and 5+ is huge). With central access and medications finally being delivered, she seemed to improve slightly. Not enough to admit success, but enough to return her to the ventilator, and for us to return to the family in the waiting room (who had been called from several hours away to be at the bedside). Deep breath, babydoc. Put on the white coat. Get ready. This is the not fun part, my attending says. It's never easy to gently tell a family that their baby may die. Or has died. You don't have to come with me, she says. But I put on my coat, she puts on hers, and out we go. To do the job no one ever wants to have to do. Even at this time, it was admittedly easier than I expected. The family has experienced these "crumps" before. She'll come around, they say. And who are we to say otherwise? Preemies can never be trusted. You really just don't know.

At this moment, the delivery pager goes off and I race upstairs to find quite the opposite - a bouncing, beautiful, perfect, and HUGE healthy newborn. Couldn't be pinker. Couldn't have better APGARs. This one gets to bypass our unit directly. And transition. She's a direct admit to the newborn nursery, or mom's bedside. We smile and coo with her... encouraging the first-time parents and sharing in their intimate moment.

It's how things change in neonatology. It's the moments of birth and neardeath, often intertwined, with no fine line of delineation. The uncertainty of medical knowledge and the certainty of God's ultimate healing - no matter what our role in that may or may not be.

The night continued fairly quiet, with a little (about an hour) rest in between. Post call, I left the hospital about 9-10 and had a full day off. This morning, I returned to the hospital fresh. In Grand Rounds, I sat with a couple of my classmates who are also doing my program but are in different areas of the children's hospital. Close to time for conference to start, the residents I'm working with filed in. A sat down next to me, and I asked how his call night was. "Baby Andrea died" was all he had to say. And I knew. "She went peacefully, and very quickly, early in the night... by the time the nurse took her off the vent to listen for any signs of pulse/breath sounds/heart sounds, it was over."

But for me, she didn't go quickly. A baby born too soon, and taken too late. It's never easy, I suppose. Part of me wonders if it would've been easier if she would've been a micropreemie, a <1 lber, a brand new admission. The other part knows it wouldn't have made any difference. It was my first live patient to lose. I held her hand for that treacherous hour, while the surgeon desperately attempted to get us access so she could get the drugs (and now blood) she had to have. While my attending tirelessly hand-ventilated her, never growing angry, never showing fear or trepidation (Stay calm, always, she said. The babies know. They always know. If you're afraid, they're afraid). We worked as a team - doctors, nurses, xray, respiratory, surgery - and kept her alive night after night. But preemies can't be trusted. They decide if they are going to get better, they decide if they are going to die. Personally, I think they've got a direct line to God. Andrea decided that sitting in His lap was better than in her incubator, surrounded by all that medical technology and the twenty-first century had to offer. And once again, the preemie knows best. She is healed and perfect, resting peacefully in His arms.

And I will never be the same. I know it'll never get easier, and yet I can't imagine a life of doing anything else. I'm home in the NICU. I'm home in the quiet and "scary" parts of the hospital, where no other outside physicians like to go. I've found my calling doing God's work here. And I'll never be able to forget that it is indeed HIS work, not my own, that I am doing. Goodnight, baby Andrea. I can't wait to meet you again in Heaven!

To all those who thought I couldn't, look at me now!

2010-06-08T18:46:00.000-05:00

Saw a follow up kid in clinic today that was originally born at < 1 kg and way, way too early.

Said kid is now walking, talking, smiling and singing.

God is everywhere. I saw Him today, in the eyes of a beautiful and very healthy all-grown-up-now NICU grad.

the first day of the rest of my life..

2010-06-07T20:13:00.004-05:00

Today was orientation to my summer research program. General orientation was Boring (and yes, that's a capital "B") and long, but Peds orientation was short and to the point, leaving me with a free afternoon. Instead of calling, I decided to stop by the unit and see if my attending/mentor was around. That turned into an awesome idea, as I ended up spending 4 hours with her. She gave me a tour of the unit, newborn nursery, newborn lab and pharmacy, peds xray... we went to laundry and got my badge set up for scrubs (which come out of a vending-machine type apparatus - cool!). Then we went to cardio surgery conference which was also very interesting. Tomorrow will be my first full day - and full it will be. Grand Rounds, NICU rounds, a lunch meeting, afternoon developmental clinic....

I think I'm going to like this whole doctor thing.

There's no place like home...

2010-06-04T14:25:00.003-05:00

After a few weeks of traveling and catching up with family and old friends, I'm finally "home" again in the big city. It was a lovely time away but more than time to return. I missed M & N more than I thought possible... those med school friendships really are all they're cracked up to be ;) So after lunch and dinner with them yesterday and mom's help cleaning and getting the house pulled together, it appears I'm ready for a fun filled weekend and the most amazing job ever starting Tuesday.
Orientation is Monday, and thanks to inside sources (ie: all my friends who've already started their jobs) it definitely will not be considered part of the "amazing".. at least the general orientation in the morning. Apparently the videos are worse than the ones the VA shows. That doesn't seem possible, but I trust these people... ha. Peds orientation might not be too bad. But I'm looking forward to Tuesday morning and a high census. Bring on the babies!!!

An ice cube in each hand...

2010-05-27T14:05:00.003-05:00

So it's been another great week or two in the world of relaxation. Still hard to believe that there's no reason to study, and just now beginning to not feel guilty about that. I haven't updated because, well, honestly, I haven't done much of anything. And that has been heaven!

I did spend a little time with the family post-vacation, and spent the past weekend with M and S (ok, S mainly, we made M find things to do so we could have girl time). Best friends are forever... its awesome how so much time can go by and nothing changes between us. We literally talked so much on Saturday that I was hoarse by bedtime. Good times. Growing up isn't all that bad when you have amazing people walking beside you for all the transitions :)

Also in that light, I had the opportunity to spend some amazing time with a special family member over the first week of break. Caught in the battle for his life, he still astonishes me with his perseverance and faith every day. Little story: he started a new chemo drug a couple weeks ago that is well known to cause cold intolerance. Upon leaving the doctor's office, he returned to work and went directly to the kitchen freezer. He grabbed an ice cube in each hand and held on. To some of you, this might seem silly... even crazy. After all, the doctor had just informed him that he may no longer be able to go to the frozen food section in the grocery store. For him, it was just another moment of strength and faith. Knowing that he wouldn't have the same reaction everyone else did. Knowing that every moment is a gift straight from God. In his hope and strength, I find my own. I cherish the days we have together and the lifetime of memories I look to pass on to my children and grandchildren.

Went home for a few days to make the doctor rounds: eyes, teeth, etc. Doctor appts are much more fun these days. I found myself unable to separate from the med school world during the eye doctor visit as I realized what he was doing with every test. Annoying sometimes, but super cool other times. I also managed to upgrade to an ACTUAL smartphone while I was home. After three years, I sent the Treo to the happy hunting ground. I am now the proud owner of a Droid... and what a difference three years of technology makes! This one walks the dog, takes out the trash, and goes to work for me. (Just kidding. I wish!!).

I've got a few more days before I head back to Jackson to begin the best summer job ever. I'm getting very excited. I couldn't have asked for a better mentor or position, and it's absolutely amazing to watch God's blessings come through in my life on a daily basis. He didn't ever say the journey would be easy, but He promised it would be worth it... and it is. Every single day.

Keep enjoying the free time and living life to the fullest, y'all. And get to your nearest theater for SATC2 today!!!!

The sun and the sand and a drink in my hand.. with no bottom (OK, so it's a diet coke)

2010-05-20T16:31:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone! Checking in on the other side of a nice, relaxing vacation to the beach. It was definitely a blessing to catch up with the family and spend some time away from the hustle and bustle of normal life. It was very laid back, we didn't do a whole lot of anything - but just what I needed.

Friday night, or the "M1 'graduation' party" at P's was a blast. M and I didn't stay too late, and from what I've heard, a lot of others followed suit. After a long year we were all just exhausted. But it was a fun evening. Thanks P for the awesome food and location!!

I did a very good job of not checking grades, email, etc for most of vacation - but I did log into MYU today. It seems as though Neuro grades are up a little early (boards are back already?? Maybe my neuro grade should be my histo grade..ha) but I'm tentatively VERY excited with what I accomplished this semester.

Thanks, God, for a wonderful week of family. Keep M & N safe as they travel and help them have an AMAZING time on their vacation :):):)

...Done, finished, complete....

2010-05-14T16:44:00.004-05:00

This year, I fought a beast. Or two. Or three. Okay, Okay, 37 weeks worth. It was hard, but it was worth it.

As of 1:15 this afternoon, I'm an M2. It hasn't sunk in. At all. I keep thinking it's a dream and I'll wake up Monday morning and have to go back....

Instead, I'll be waking up Monday morning (or Monday afternoon) on the beach. Hello, summer. How I've longed for you... and how much fun is going to be had.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do first (OK - first I'm going to the M1-transitiontoM2 party), but it sure as heck won't involve studying. My brain is screaming "Freedom"!

Five more days of M1 year...

2010-05-07T21:57:00.001-05:00

And here we have it. The final "study weekend" of M1 year. Just like any other grand study weekend, it started off with a good meal with the girls and lots of giggles. We've all grown so much these year - as professionals, people, and friends. It's amazing to look back at the trials and tribulations and how far we've come. There's still so far to go, much road to travel.. but we're there. At the end of the beginning of the journey.

This was a pretty good week. I made a point to really go to class and enjoy learning, soaking up every moment possible. Another good thing that happened this week? L came back to class! He's doing great!!

Thursday was incredible. It was a super long day, but I got to hang out in the NICU from 10-1 with Dr. K and meet a lot of the residents and NNP's that'll be around this summer. She handed me over a resident notebook and sent a very happy M1.9ish out the door for ALMOST vacation. I actually got to put my hands on some patients, feel some trills, help change a dressing... Little things, but in the midst of M1 world, amazing. I can't wait for June 7th.

Next week we have three days of class and two additional days of tests - there are five tests sprinkled throughout Wednesday through Friday. Wednesday we have class, then the Psych final, then class again. Way to piss those of us who SOMEWHAT still liked Psych off, guys. Way to go. A final sandwiched between two neuro classes? Awesome.

Next week WILL end. Vacation will come. As thus will begin the best - and last - summer of my life. Welcome to the real world... someone else is looking up to me now. I have an M1 buddy!!!

Hang in there, guys! It's almost over!!!

last full week of classes...

2010-05-02T12:31:00.003-05:00

So tomorrow begins our last full week of classes. How weird. But not a MOMENT too soon. I'm definitely feeling the burnout. Wish I wasn't, and know I've got to get my butt in gear to push through for the final two weeks and five test, but I'm soooooo ready for a break.

Last week was probably the worst of med school yet. Monday's tests were awful, the funeral was really nice but very emotional, and Thursday was just... ugh. Anyway, we made it - somehow. I wish there was some exciting "I love med school" news to report, but really the most exciting thing is this:

8 class days
10 school days (including finals)
13 days in full
5 tests

SUMMMMMMMERRRR!!
God, please hold us close and keep us sane!

Goodbye, Sophia...

2010-04-27T22:01:00.002-05:00

I thought about saving this post for tomorrow night, post-memorial, but decided to share the feelings I have currently before they're forgotten. In med school, feelings, emotions, and thoughts are often fleeting.... so I'd like to take a moment to reflect on exactly what tomorrow means for me in particular, in a letter to Sophia.

Dear Sophia,
What a blessing it is to finally have an opportunity to tell your family how very much you meant to me. You see, it was you who made med school real in mid-August, as P and I stood together, took a deep breath, and met you for the first time. We named you then. In three months, I discovered more about you than most people ever knew. There were surprises everywhere, God's footprints. Although the class was sometimes a struggle, and lab time seemed a "waste of time" when there was none to be wasted, it was you who ultimately pulled things together for me. Every patient I see, every life I touch, will be because you first allowed me to touch yours. When I didn't know the difference between a #21 blade and a #22 blade, you'd already decided that it didn't matter, and you'd allow me - and my classmates - to learn how to be doctors, on you. I will always be more grateful than I could express. I simply hope that tomorrow, with your family among us, that they'll catch my eye and realize that gratitude.

You understand, Sophia, that you'll never leave me? Some things just change a person forever, and you did that for me. You were the beginning of medical school, the defining moment. And tomorrow, we'll ultimately close chapter one, save for a couple of weeks. For me, it's already over. The memorial service comes at a perfect time. It's fitting to tell you goodbye now, after a long year together. Thank you for a gift greater than any I could have ever dreamed of. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love,
A Very Grateful M1

Praise God from whom all blessings flow..

2010-04-26T20:49:00.002-05:00

The mother of all test blocks is over. I didn't know how I'd survive 6 in one day, but I did. Just barely, at times. There were moments I thought would bring tears - specifically between the practical and written in neuro. It was THE worst practical I've ever taken in my life - because it wasn't really a practical. It was more of a "here's a structure.... think about what it does... think about the cell bodies of origin... now answer some obscure question 1o steps removed from all of this in one minute and thirty seconds". But it's over!!!!!!!!!!! And tonight is SOOO fun. Lots of weekend-ish ness.

Histology is over for good. Today was the last of those, and I would like to open up the balcony door and shout very loudly. Here's a toast - to the end of Histology, the longest and most annoying class in the history of medical school.

Time to go back to playing and rejecting all reality until 1 pm tomorrow when I have to suit up and show up for case study.

Is it summer yet? Sure feels like it..

2010-04-20T09:36:00.002-05:00

Missed my weekly update - and although I don't really have time to sit down and write out everything this week, I figured I should, for the sake of keeping things in order, at least make a few notes...

Weekend: Useless. Was supposed to be having fun with the girls, instead, fought off a stomach bug
This week: Study central. Six tests next Monday. You read that correctly, SIX. Now granted some of them are tiny in weight, but it's still six. A number nightmare. And another reason why I can't hang out here long....

In other news, L is making small steps to recovery every day. For this, I thank God. Lord, hold us close as we struggle to find the energy and will to continue, to push through and make it past this last HUGE test block. Get us to next Monday night... there, I will find fun and relaxation.

It was just another week... and then..

2010-04-11T21:53:00.004-05:00

Another Monday through Friday. Test grades for Monday came back and the results were: survived. Some days, that's all that matters. Each day came with its own challenges, its own things to study and learn (and I did less of both of those than I should have this week).

As usual, I tried to find a little time this weekend to have fun. Friday night it was in the way of "Bounty Hunter" with N and A and a sleepover at M's. It's always fun when the girls get together to hang out non-school related. Yesterday I came home, studied a bit, then met C and Z after her MCAT at Sal & Mookie's for dinner. She needed some down time, and there's nothing that amazing ice cream and pizza can't fix... even MCAT. I remember those days like it was just yesterday, and it's still something I wouldn't wish on an enemy, much less a friend. I'm sure she did great though :)

It was just another week, and then...

This afternoon, I was informed that a fellow M1, a classmate and friend of mine, had been involved in a serious accident and is currently in the ICU. Suddenly, the things that seemed so important, so life-altering, changed in the blink of an eye. Sometimes it feels like I go through the day to day, dreaming of what tomorrow will bring... always waiting on something to end, waiting on the next "good thing" to start. I realized the magnitude of living in the day, how important it is to enjoy the journey.

Tonight, please join me in praying for L and his family. That His ultimate healing would bring glory to God. That even in this horrific accident, we could find God's grace. That may we could learn to enjoy the journey... even of being a lowly first year medical student... just a little more, complain a little less, and appreciate each day. That tomorrow, when I put my feet on the floor, I'll be determined to take every moment and soak it up as if things were to change the next instant. Because no matter how invincible we may feel on a daily basis, we never know when things may change.

I'm blessed to know that even in these uncertain, stressful, and life-altering times, God is in control of my life, L's, and yours. God bless!

When everyone said it couldn't be done... ducks fly together!

2010-04-05T20:00:00.003-05:00

Well it's been quite a week since the last update. The beginning of the week was lots of neuro class and lab filled with overall freak-out/gunner mode to try to get a grasp on some of the material... still not sure how that worked out, but I've definitely decided I don't study well on my own.

Let's see, the PIG roast was Thursday night and went very well. Our turnout was double last year. I think we hit the nail on the head with Sal & Mookie's. The officers from this year and next year worked together pretty well (I think) and I am looking forward to a great year in PIG with my team!!

Friday was an interesting/stressful day. Friday morning we had our first patient "history/interview taking". And yes, it was a psych patient. An inpatient from the psych unit. Made for a.. difficult history taking to learn on. One would think that we could our first history on a mock patient, each other, or a regular internal medicine patient. Instead, we sifted through both history taking and psychiatrics at once. Thankfully, the six years of psych undergrad/grad school helped me be more comfortable around the population, but it was still quite a shocker introduction to "clinical medicine".

After the psychiatric interviews, M & I went to the nursing home to see "our patient" who was in somewhat depressive/psychiatric crisis of her own. It was heartbreaking to see her hurting. Definitely a tough day on the "clinical" side of M1. And I say "clinical" with a grain of salt, because we really don't get any clinical experience of note this year.

Friday night was study and relax time and the rest of the weekend was hard core preparation for the hell that was today: In essence, five tests in one. Psychiatry, Histology (Written & Practical), and Neuro (Written & Practical). It was our first tests in psych and neuro so of course those were stressful. And neuro wasn't a piece of cake. However, like all bad (or good, I suppose) test days, things turned around quickly with the right food, right movies (Mighty Ducks & D2), and best friends a girl could ask for.

Thanks God, for making this Easter one to remember. Amidst my complaining, whining, and utter confusion, you managed to show grace beyond measure, as always. Thank you for reminding me of the best gift of all - your Son. Thank you for giving me the call to do Your work in this world, keep me under Your wings, and be with us as we finish the last 5 weeks and 4 days of M1 year!!

Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250 - Harper's

2010-03-27T19:09:00.004-05:00

Well well, this has been quite a week.

Neuro is ... interesting, but tough. There's so much to learn in so little time. And of course we got super spoiled in Jan/Feb with no 8 AM classes, no labs, and free weekends. All of the sudden, all of that's out the window. Basically, it's almost like we've returned to first semester hell - it's just that now it's only one class to really worry about instead of 3/4.

Monday we had our PIG officer meeting for next year... and now that it's official, I can finally share that yours truly is going to be president :) I'm very excited about that responsibility and very much so looking forward to it. In other PIG news, we've been busy baking and selling at the bake sale last week and preparing for the Roast next Thursday from 5:30-8. If you haven't bought a ticket, there's still plenty of time (you can even get one at the door - but if you're sure you're coming, please buy early!). There's gonna be awesome food (all you can eat pizza and ice cream at Sal & Mookie's) and even better door prizes.... and the proceeds go to the kids at Batson, so come on out!

Of course, PIG news has to be the best thing going on in my life right now (and the AMAZING girls that will be working beside me... including my VP, none other than M!!), but there was one more "good" thing this week. Tuesday we started Psych. For the first time since medical school started, we're in a class that I actually have experience in. Lots and lots of experience. I decided after day 1 that I wouldn't be attending any more of those lectures that weren't mandatory, because it's all review (thanks WCU - Graduate Dept of Psych) and I can use the time to study for neuro.

Phys boards came back, best one yet! :)

It's been mainly study-study-study, but M and I did take some time out last night after the Neuro review with Dr. H to have a little fun. Pizza at Mellow Mushroom (they've got a new one - the Hot Potato Pie - and it's droolworthy), followed by "New Moon" and the Sims. Yup, old school fun right there. It was a well needed and well deserved break after a week that felt like it wouldn't end.

I'm still overwhelmed and worried but I know that God's in control and He'll never fail me. I've got the best friends in the world walking this journey beside me... and although they say misery loves company, I must disagree. Because even the stuff that just isn't fun at all isn't miserable when we're together :).

Hang in there, M1's. 7 weeks til summer!!

Goodbye, spring break... Hello, neuro..

2010-03-21T12:07:00.004-05:00

Today is the final day of a week of bliss and sleep. No, seriously, I stayed in bed until lunch just because I knew that things would be very different this time tomorrow. So let's take the week day by day:

Friday: finished up the board, relished in the fact that phys was (almost) over, spent the afternoon eating leftovers and watching Nanny McPhee with two of my favorite girls, said our goodbyes (a week feels like eternity when you basically spend ALL of your time with the same people), and packed a bit.

Saturday: Headed South. Got home, saw my parents, went to visit my friend A - we went shopping, eating, catching up. Found some peanut butter fudge with my name on it at a local gift shop... drool. I've never had it before, but I'll definitely have it again.

Sunday: Lazy day at home. Didn't do much of anything. Made plans for Monday, slept a lot, watched some tv.

Monday: Started off the day at good ole WCU. So much fun to see my old coworkers, catch up with everyone. It's funny how while some things change, others seem to stand still during the test of time. I'm grateful that some of my best friendships fit into that category. Had lunch with L, then went to visit K & B in Financial Aid and see if they had any more information on ObamaLoans than I did... yeah, not so much. But I got lots of gossip and caught up on everyone's lives, and that was fun. Then I waited impatiently for my sister to get off work and headed to her house as soon as I could. I miss her & M so much. We had a great dinner that M cooked for us - bacon-wrapped cheese & jalepeno stuffed grilled chicken. It was heaven. He is an amazing husband (and a pretty darn good brother in law). B came over to eat with us, and once again, catching up was great... more of those "friendships withstanding the test of time".

Tuesday: Headed South (yes, further south). Tax day. ALWAYS fun. Wasn't too bad actually, and I'm getting a nice refund. Got to see my puppies for the first time in a very long time, they were sooo excited. I was too :). Went to see my cousin on hospice, then went to dinner with the grandparents. OS is known as the town in MS with the most restaurants per-area. 106 to be exact. People in my hometown know how to eat. Starting with my grandparents, who might as well be food critics. I said seafood (I mean, who can go to the coast and NOT have seafood?) and they found the perfect place. I ended up with Creole Mahi Mahi.. drooool...

Wednesday: Went to visit my great grandmother at the assisted living home for a few hours. We had a really nice visit, it was great to catch up. Then I went to get my hair cut. I've been thinking/talking about doing Locks for Love for a really long time, but I figured it would be next year before my hair was ready. Recently, I realized it'd been getting really long really quick, so I had been thinking more seriously about it. Turns out, there's a local lady in our hometown who takes donations and makes wigs specifically for Mississippi kids. I told S to chop off that ponytail :) Not only is my cut a great change, and I really like it, but it was so rewarding doing something for the kids.

Thursday: Down day. Basically a repeat of Sunday.

Friday: Back to H'burg, Dad got new tires put on the car and I went to see Bounty Hunter with M & S. It was sooo funny (and you can never have too much sister bonding time). I finally did FAFSA and the rest of the financial aid stuff that's already "late", but M1 year kind of took precedence.

Saturday: Back to Jxn :(, cleaned house, groceries...

Sunday: Here we are. The end of a fairly unproductive, almost study-free week. Tonight we're going to get the girls together and give a last hoorah to Spring Break before neuro starts tomorrow. I can't help but be a little nervous about that... it's a lot of material, and only 8 weeks. However, God's always right there, and so are my girls! We're going to kick neuro butt. We also start psych... and being only a few classes short of a master's, that one doesn't bother me a bit ;)

Tomorrow we're having our PIG officer's meeting for next year, and PIG's bake sale/PIG roast events are kicked off in full force. I've got lots of baking to do this week. It's gonna be a busy one, but I'm ready.

M1 year - last round. Me vs. neuro/psych. I'm going to win. Just sayin.

Vacation is what we take when we can no longer take what we've been taking...

2010-03-12T10:50:00.003-06:00

We have reached the end of physiology. It culminated in a week of test hell - Monday was respiratory, Wednesday was the cumulative class final (40 pages - I'm pretty sure several forests were killed in the making of that test) and this morning the NBME exam. The saturation point has been reached, and I'm pretty sure that if we'd had one more I may not have even shown up. Oh yes, it was that bad.

Funny thing about med school - from day to day, it seems like we're dragging, like we're never getting anywhere. And then you turn around and M1 year is almost gone. I stand in awe at the work God has created in me and around me this year, thanking Him for the amazing people He's put in my life along the way to make things just a little bit easier... and thanking Him for his grace. Grace enough for one day at the time. To somehow be able to look back and say "we did it". No matter what the grades are at the end of the week, the month, the year - we survived. And in the midst of it all, maybe even grew.

Spring break plans? Almost non existent. Lots of visiting with friends and family, catching up, getting the taxes done before I don't get financial aid next year, and getting a haircut. I plan on sleeping a lot and eating a lot more, living in the moment, and soaking up every hour I'm given.
.....however, I'm kind of ill that we're "given" one hour less than we should be due to Daylight Savings Time. Of COURSE we'd have spring break the one week that you lose an hour *roll eyes*.

I'll spend the next week preparing myself mentally for the last 8 weeks. I hope everyone thoroughly enjoys their breaks!

Let it be, Let it be, Let it be..

2010-03-06T15:34:00.004-06:00

The title - Just an old song that came to mind earlier today as I was headed home from M's and our epic study extravaganza..

It's been another interesting (or not so) week in the life of a few M1s. We've been knee deep in respiratory physiology and PFT's.. the lady that taught us the PFT stuff was cool for about the first hour, but after 4 add'l mandatory hours, it wasn't so cool anymore. The respiratory test is on Monday, followed by the phys comp on wed and the phys national board on friday. The blessing in all of this is that there's no class this week - so it's just study time in between tests. Which is good, since about 60% of our averages are determined this week.

I found out that I'll be working in Pediatrics this summer doing research and clinical stuff, and I'm very excited about the opportunities this brings, both for this summer itself and for my future career in Peds. I'm not sure exactly which department I'll be in, we'll find out in 6 weeks or so... but I have my top choice for sure... and I'm sure more than one of you could guess it ;)

We had two tests last week, the Histo board on monday which went much better than the histo last practical & written - however, those scores came back friday and, much to my surprise, my average is not totally down the drain. If the board went well I'm looking at a happy grade in there :). Genetics was our other "treat" last week. Although Genetics counts for like 1% of our year average, its still nice to have something else completely done. Another class over. Another step closer to M2. M3. M4. MD.

At this point, we're all getting a little antsy for spring break and what it brings with it. I'm planning a trip home - both to my "northern" home and to the coast, and I hope to spend as much time as possible with friends and family. M's going on a cruise (just SLIGHTLY jealous about that one). N's going to be relaxing about like I am, as is RA. K & B are going skiing. Yup, it's going to be one good week. I've so learned to appreciate my breaks now, something I never did quite as much as I should have. I'm learning to absolutely love vacation more than ever.

May God give us the strength, focus, and encouragement we all need to make it through the next week unscathed. Take my unspoken prayers and do Your will, my Lord.

Let go and let God...

2010-02-28T16:35:00.004-06:00

It's been an interesting week around here. The tests this week were rough - I'm pretty sure phys went as expected, but the histology was just a total mess. Thankfully (or sadly?) most everyone seemed to feel that way... so perhaps it wasn't quite as bad as we're all expecting.

Tomorrow is the NBME Histology & Cell Biology. Shouldn't be nearly as bad as a normal histology test, but it sure wouldve been nice to actually have been taught the cell biology stuff that we needed (Thank you, biochem, for teaching most of it). Wednesday we've got a Genetics final, next week is phys phys phys (respiratory, comprehensive, and NBME)... then Spring Break! Looking forward to a few days off before Neuro starts.

In other news, there have been some exciting developments in my professional/career future, and I can't wait to share them all... but it'll have to wait until everything's ironed out and I've got the details. God is good, ALL the time... His presence has been felt more in the last week and a half than in a very long time... and I love being in love with Him!

Quote of the week: "The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not sustain you" - in my excitement and anticipation, as well as in my moments of exhaustion, I think on these things. To God be the glory!

Another week has gone by.. Welcome to Lent

2010-02-19T16:52:00.005-06:00

So, another (fairly boring) week in the life of M1s. We've had a couple of study nights, mainly trying to just stay on top of the material so that this weekend isn't as miserable as it could be. I elected to skip classes on Monday and Tuesday and just go to Histo lab... was a good choice. May not have been as productive as I should've been, but I was more productive than I would've been in class.

Wednesday was Ash Wednesday... the beginning of the Lenten season. This year, I've decided to give up the "snooze" button on the alarm clock, and spend that thirty minutes every morning in dedicated bible study. I've done this Lenten vow before and it's always very refreshing... time for serious spiritual growth. Sometimes, whether we want to or not, we get caught up in the world and forget the real reason behind things. Every year with Lent, I renew my vows to God to do His will, listen to His voice, and be the best I can be for the purposes He's put before me, even if I don't know them yet. This year is no different - and I've grown more in the first three days than I ever thought possible.

I also chose to fast on Wednesday, another new experience - and exciting one - for me. Relying on His guidance, His strength, and His endurance was all-powerful. I did my fast in honor of Baby Kate, who received her stem cell transplant on Wednesday and spent most of the day in prayer for her. Please join me in lifting her up for God's ultimate healing (www.prayforkate.com).

Thursday and today have been good days overall. We've been discussing fetal and neonatal physiology, and I'm in love. Finally something that I'm interested in. Yesterday's PIG meeting was neonatal medicine too - Dr. K gave a great speech.

M and I went to see our new patient at the nursing home today and it was tons of fun. I'm really excited about getting to know her better and she can't wait for us to come back! On the way home, we discussed the "power of the white coat" and how much it truly means to have complete strangers open up to you simply due to its presence. It's slightly overwhelming, until I remember that He's the one with the real power and I'm just His instrument.

Even though we've got lots of tests this week, I'm taking some "me" time on Tuesday morning and going to the NICU to round with Dr. K and the residents. Sometimes remembering why you're doing this helps keep things in perspective.

This weekend will be filled with lots and lots of studying, endocrine and reproductive phys test on Monday. But that's okay. I have some of the world's best friends and study partners who make my world just a little bit brighter every day :)

Prayer Requests:
Baby Kate
CB Kiddos
NICU babies
My spiritual journey during Lenten season
**Unspokens**

5k.. done!

2010-02-13T23:15:00.002-06:00

The end of the week was uneventful, except for a HUGE amount of snow we received Thursday night & Friday morning... I've never seen so much snow. Jackson got about 6 inches, it was insane. I loved it... except for the part of M getting "snowed in" and her flight getting canceled to go see the boy :(. Other than that, it was nice. We ended up having "school" canceled, but it was really just a fun day anyway - I'm kind of hoping they reschedule Primary Care Day instead of just canceling it. But last week I went to FMIG's meeting (Forrest General was down talking = networking) and Dr. T was telling us about Summer Day Camp in May. It seems like a really cool way to get some experience with H&Ps, communication, and minimally invasive procedures. I'll be checking that out for sure.

This morning was Rush to Brush. There was a pretty good group of classmates that ran... Of course P placed in the top 3, C and H came in pretty early as well. A, RA, and I were further behind in the pack - but we all did amazingly well (especially considering it was the first one for all three of us). I'm especially proud of A - she's worked her tail off and doing an awesome job of preparing for her upcoming half in Nashville!! Of course I couldn't have done it without the encouragement of my non-racing friends, so thanks to N & M for the "love you's" and "we knew you could's" and RA for being the best running buddy a girl could ask for. I ended up finishing almost ten minutes earlier than my best practice time... and I have no idea how that happened, considering the weather/ice/snowy conditions... but it was amazing and I am HOOKED!

N and I have had a fun weekend. Tomorrow we're going to do some studying and get ready for a new week. Joy joy.

In short, I'll never forget this weekend. One of the best things I've done in my life, and a check off the "bucket list". RA and I are already plotting out for the next one...

Who is that? Who is that that said they were going to beat my Saints?

2010-02-11T09:45:00.005-06:00

Let's see... another week of fun has passed. The weekend was epic. Slumber partying was tooo much fun. We definitely acted like 6th graders, listening to 90's music and giggling and doing all the normal 6th grade-ish activities. We did manage to fit a little (ok, a good bit) of Histology in there... and get to bed at a (somewhat) decent hour of about 2.

Sunday morning, RA and I went for our first run together preparing for the upcoming 5K this weekend. I slowed her down a little bit, but she wouldn't admit it. Looking forward to the run. It was REALLY cold Sunday morning, but considering the forecast for Saturday, I'm kind of glad we "practiced" in that. Did 2 miles at M's house on 4 hours of sleep. Good times. Then we went to church, came home, studied some more... and Superbowled!

My Saints won the Superbowl, and there's been over a foot of snow in DC. Hell has frozen over. The game was AMAZING. The weekend was AMAZING. The test was.... but the weekend was worth it. And it wouldn't have helped at all to study any more. Somebody in a certain dept just hates us. So, oh well. P=MD. And I'm thinking I POSSSIBLY passed it. But I really don't care. Sometimes a mental vacation (and mini real vacation) is totally worth it.

The rest of the week has been fine - Monday night I went to bed at 8 to make up for the total of 8 hours of sleep I got this weekend. And since then it's been pretty low key. Hanging in there, pushing forward, and really, really excited about my first race on Saturday!

2010-02-06T11:05:00.005-06:00

Another week in the life of an M1... Pretty routine early in the week. Class, PBLs, CORs, all the usual. I'm really not a fan of nephrology. Had a frustrating start to the renal unit (too many biochem memories), but as usual, M fixed it and helped me pull it all together in the end :)

Thursday was the renal test (which went much much better than expected), followed by Histo lecture (that no one attended - also known as nap time at home to me personally), followed by a trip in the monsoon to our first patient visit. The whole "white coat = dr here to talk to you about life, not medical problems" was slightly confusing to even our very sane patient. This was good, because we were slightly confused too. Anyway, she was really, really sweet - and it was cool to have a little interaction with somebody on the premise of learning.... (whatever they seem to think we're learning). Sadly for us, our wonderful little patient may be leaving the home soon as her rehab is going well and her family's ready for her to come home. Great for her, sad for us. Means we'll have to get another one... But M and I can handle it. We always do. :)

Yesterday... Histo lab (joy, my favorite part of life */endsarcasm), followed by two hours of phys lecture (with Dr. L - hormones, this is gonna be a treat), then home to get ready for Dear John girls' night out! We did dinner at O'Charley's, then went to see the movie... Without giving away any details since most of the world hasn't seen it yet, I'd say 6 stars for eye candy but straying from the book - that always irritates me. Bop's afterwards. I love these girls. Med school = so much better now that we've got a core group, and lots of friends outside that group as well. I remember HemOncDoc telling me a long time ago as I prepared to start med school that it wouldn't be long and these people would be my best friends. It's happening, and it's lovely.

Slept in this morning (always great), now it's time to study for histology since we have a test on Monday and I've got fun plans for the rest of the weekend. Slumber party tonight (oh yes, complete middle school style with 4 giggling girls, Rock Band, and endless hours of girl talk), followed by church, group studying, and SUPER BOWL tomorrow. And somebody in the histo dept had the nerve to tell us not to party too hard. HA. My Saints are in the Super Bowl. It's on. Histo - I'd like to beat you up, but if it's a punt and my Saints win, it's still worth it.

I've put off studying long enough. Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

Prayer Requests:
Baby Kate - beginning her BMT workup (prayforkate.com)
NICU babies
CB kiddos
**Unspokens**

New background

2010-01-29T20:45:00.004-06:00

I looked at my blog today and noticed the background was still from Christmas... and it's a month after Christmas. So here we go. One of my favorite mottos.. "live, laugh, love".

Got my cardiac physiology test back today and was very happy with the results. I'm not quite as fond of renal phys as I was of cardiac, but perhaps it'll still grow on me.

We had our Deans' breakfast meeting this morning.. that went really well. I really like Dr. J, C, and W - and Dr. W updated us on the vice chancellor search, the current life and times of the M4's (and what to expect), some exciting things that will be happening by the time we get to M3 year, and the STEP. It was nice to get a perspective on "life after pre-clinical years", even though it was at 7 a.m.

After the Deans' breakfast, I decided to skip out on the day's renal phys lecture and head home to study. It was a very productive study day and run day. I ran/speed walked by first 3.5 miler today and actually feel great instead of horrible. Tomorrow's my "off day" (laundry, errands, Mom time) and then I'll hit it again on Sunday. The 5k is coming up two weeks from tomorrow. I still am not sure I'm 100% ready, but I think I can get there in two weeks.

I have many spoken and unspoken prayer requests tonight, but those that I can think of off the top of my head include:
Baby Kate (prayforkate.com)
All my CB kiddos
The NICU babies
God's guidance and assurance in the lives of those who are searching
Test week for the M2's
Our renal test on Thurs
**Unspokens**

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

Semester 2, Test 1.

2010-01-26T17:14:00.003-06:00

Last week was a good one, but busy. We had our physiology pig lab. I enjoyed it a lot.. putting in lines comes fairly natural for me, and I don't freak out over blood spills. We hit a bleeder or two in the pig, and besides wanting suction so I could see what was going on, I was calm, cool, and collected. I still say I'm not feeling surgery in my future, but it's nice to know I can do it when I have to. It's amazing how different it is working on a living, breathing animal instead of a cadaver. Skin and connective tissue is much tougher in real life.

Yesterday was our first test of the semester. Cardiac physiology. I really liked learning this last unit. Everything we're doing these days is actually applicable to practice, and that's a nice change. I've been taking it easy and having a lot more fun than I was able to last semester. We've had some girls' nights, slumber parties, and movie nights. Yesterday a bunch of us did dinner and a movie (Extraordinary Measures with Harrison Ford and Brenden Fraser - it's a "med school nerd movie" about Pompe Disease). The movie was on the upper side of average (and towards the "good" end for my medical school friends) , but the company and socializing time was wonderful. For the first time in a long time, I managed to fall behind on my reading last night. It was totally worth it. :)

In the not-med-school related (but sort of) arena, I'm training for "Rush to Brush" on February 13th for Batson's dental clinics. I've run a lot at different times in the past, but allowed myself to get completely out of shape first semester. It's been a struggle to get back in the swing of things. But I'm very very excited about my first race. As an asthmatic, 5k is the equivalent of a marathon some days :) In OB/GYN interest group today they mentioned another 5k coming up for Women's Health later in the semester - I have a feeling that race 1 will get me addicted enough that i'll look forward to race 2.

On that note, I'm off to put a few miles on those running shoes... ;)

another week of no complaints...

2010-01-17T14:32:00.003-06:00

When we started this journey back in early August, I had no idea the magnitude of the statement "make it til Christmas, then you'll be fine". I heard it echoed over and over - by M2's, M3s, M4s, residents, attendings, physicians at home.. "just make it to Christmas".

Here we are a few weeks into January and I finally am beginning to understand. Life is GREAT these days. Cardiac physiology is so interesting, makes sense, and we have time to study and learn for the sake of learning. There's also time for super fun things (like making cookies with pig faces for PIG meetings, slumber parties, etc).

PIG met on Wednesday and went over summer research opportunities. I'd already talked to a few people in the pediatrics department about this and was very encouraged by their advice, so I filled out the application asap on Wednesday and returned it Thursday. Crossing fingers and praying I get the assignment I want (which obviously is neonatal/NICU) and that M gets in with her first choice too (pretty sure she's gonna be our class HemOncDoc -and on that note, the M3 HemOncDoc needs to meet my HemOncDoc :) - sorry we didn't get to chat on wed, A. You looked slightly busy post-meeting) . I'm very excited about the possibilities - praying that God's will is done and this would be used as a career-furthering experience as well as a great ministry opportunity.

Other random thoughts:

Med school nerd movie of the year "Extraordinary Measures" comes out on Friday. I am SO pumped about this.

Who Dat? :)

Slumber party tonight/dessert party @ study group tomorrow. Studying is much much more fun when it involves silly girls and yummy food!

Specific prayer requests:
The Haiti people
The NICU babies
Baby Kate McRae (www.prayforkate.com)
My CaringBridge kiddos/Batson Cancer Kids
Family, friends, and classmates.

Romans 12:12 - Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Real snowflakes...

2010-01-08T16:22:00.005-06:00

Just in case anyone's missed this, Canada weather has settled into Mississippi for the week and weekend. It's absolutely frigid out there. For prosperity's sake for years from now - this is the coldest weather in Mississippi in over a decade. Yesterday we were expecting a bit of a slushy-ice storm mess, so I took the opportunity to stay home in my PJ's and learn EKG's here rather than trekking over to school, finding a parking spot, walking in said rain/ice, and getting sick again (since I'm just recovering from a cold). It was a pretty fun and useless day.

Unfortunately, I couldn't have a repeat performance today because I had QCP lab this afternoon. All worked out well though. Our new phys teacher has apparently also been sick, so we only had one hour of lecture instead of two. With the extra hour that suddenly popped up we went to Keifer's for my first experience with Greek food! Thanks M, RA, and N for that - random lunch trips are the best! The QCP "lab" at 1 was really laid back and I was home before 2, with packages on the door. Online post-Christmas shopping orders and my Christmas present from L & C! LOVE it.

Now we find ourselves at a weekend... a weekend where the temps won't get above freezing, but it doesn't matter. I've got nothing i HAVE to do, a Kindle full of books, and a list of movies I've been wanting to watch. Second semester is heavenly!!!

Goodbye, Christmas...

2010-01-05T16:11:00.002-06:00

Vacation is gone as quickly as it arrived. Back to school yesterday, started with a lovely histology lecture. I continue to wonder if that's a "real class" or not... If it's made up, can it please return to make believe land? It's taking too much of my time (especially when it's at 8 AM).

Other than histo, physiology is the only major component of my life that is obsessed with medical school right now. We're right in the middle of cardiac phys and learning how to read EKG's. Pretty cool stuff. Actual doctoring material, as opposed to the day to day facts we normally learn just to regurgitate for a test. Although I suppose we'll use those someday as well.

Today we had intro to physiology lab. Apparently, we're going to work on an anesthetized and intubated pig in the upcoming lab. A 50-60 pound pig. We'll be doing cut downs, manipulating his cardiac physiological states, then cracking his chest and resuscitating him until we're bored (prof's words exactly). Then we will "dispose of them" in the freezer. This is the part that made me slightly queasy. First he tells us, "be careful, this isn't a cadaver", but then at the end, we're going to "dispose of it" which means at some point between point A and point Z, said pig is going to succumb to his demise at the hands of my lab partners. I'm really, REALLY glad I've got a couple weeks to prepare for this.

And we just thought gross lab was eye-opening and shock-worthy. Welcome to med school, year 1 act 2.

Can vacation go on forever?

2009-12-28T18:07:00.002-06:00

I'm finally beginning to feel caught up on sleep, family, and friends. For the first time in a long time, I feel like ME again. All the things first semester tried to change or take away have been renewed, and I'm ready, willing, and able to go at it again for five more months. Or I will be after next week.

Talked to Dr. C today, and did better on the Biochem board than expected. Eases my grade worries, and assures me that there'll be no more biochem in my life until Step 1 studying, and then NEVER AGAIN (in the classroom format at least).

Hope everyone's having an AMAZING break. I know I am. Read two real books today and watched two bowl games. NFL: Vikings and Bears up next. Go Bears! Since the Saints aren't showing their best side these days, we're looking for a little help from the Chicago club to help us clinch homefield advantage throughout the playoffs.

As this is my med school blog, I find it important to share that I've done absolutely nothing school related since that biochem board on Dec 18th. And I will continue that plight, full speed ahead, for about another 6 days. I'll devote part of Sunday to preparing for going back Monday morning. But until then... life is easy. For the first time in a long time. And I'm IN LOVE with it!

Congrats to all my friends who are now officially M1.5's. We made it!

By the grace of God, we've made it..

2009-12-18T09:42:00.003-06:00

Biochem is OVER!! The board was basically insane, I expected no less. But I'm pretty sure that filling my name in on the answer sheet was enough for the grade I need to pull off a passing first semester, and for that I am grateful to God.

It's been an amazing journey so far. I've learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. I've laughed and cried - at the same time, and for two completely different reasons. I've come to realize exactly how little I know - and how much I've learned - in a few short months. And I've also acknowledged how quickly time is flying (Seven more semesters to MD? Wow).

In the midst of the first semester storm, I've made some absolutely AMAZING friends. I don't know what I'd do without y'all! Everyone promised me that it would happen, and it did, right when I needed it the most. We can lean on each other for support, lift each other up in times of need, and laugh all night until our stomachs hurt. Thanks M, N, RA, K, D, J, & P (and anyone I forgot!!) for the kind thoughts, smiles, and "you can do it"s just when I thought I couldn't any more. It will be my honor to refer patients to each and every one of you in the future.

And on that note, it's time to pack and start celebrating! It's going to be the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny f'in Kay! :) I'm coming home, S, A, L(2) mom & dad!!!!

Two tests to go til M1.5!

2009-12-15T14:28:00.003-06:00

Two tests til Christmas break!!! I just can't wait to go home and see my friends and family... it's going to be heavenly.

Wednesday night post-gross board "Coat Burning" was WONDERFUL! We had SO much fun. Too much fun to mention, perhaps, but coats were burned and books were burned (shame, I know) and scrubs were burned... and we've joined the ranks of all M.D.'s who made it through Gross Anatomy. Board scores should be back soon... looking forward/not looking forward to that.

Now, just some Biochem stands in the way of me and break. M has been WONDERFUL in teaching me biochem the 2nd half of this semester, couldn't have done it without her. Thank God for great friends, especially those who were biochem majors. I still love Handel and Rutter, but they haven't helped me much in biochem.... :)

Come on, Friday. Time to go home and spend some quality time with S. I hope everyone is having a great "finals" week, and I'm praying for ALLL the M1-M4's who have tests between now and then!

Gross is OVER!!!

2009-12-09T15:20:00.002-06:00

Gross Anatomy is OVERRRRR! And barring some absolute disaster, I passed :) The NBME shelf went waaaay better than our typical tests. Much more to the point, straightforward. Head & Neck final block in gross was brutal. Those scores we don't want back.. ever.

A few other scores started rolling in today, phys went better than I expected, and I did awesome on Developmental (from Monday morning). The ones I'm still waiting on will be the worst, so I'll just keep waiting.

Enough about school though - tonight's going to be SO much fun! There are lab coats, dissectors, and lots of other random gross memorabilia to be burned. It's hard to believe we're here, seems like just yesterday we were planning this party and unsure if any of us would still be alive/in med school to attend it!!!

Brain vacation starts NOW.

The final countdown...

2009-12-05T22:07:00.003-06:00

Thursday and Friday were interesting... All of the tests so far have been, for lack of better terminology, hell. They went alright, but nothing like I was hoping for. Phys especially was just super tricky. I've heard it's our current teacher. We'll see next semester I guess. That one was kind of a punt anyway, since we've got months of that class to go. Studied my butt off for Histo, and then it was pretty awful as well... ugh.

Praying that luck changes for Monday's Gross & Development (FINAL block!!). I've got a lot more studying to do before Monday, but I'm getting there. It's amazing how little you can know a week before and cram into your brain.. Of course, this leads to massive dumping of information after the tests, but it's survival skills at this point...

National Boards for Gross & Developmental are Wednesday. Don't wanna talk about that, yet. Must get through Monday first.

On that note, I should get back to studying. Needed a sanity break.. but the cranial nerves are calling.

I heard it said a few days ago that this was the worst week and a half of medical school. I believe it.

It's DECEMBER!!

2009-12-01T09:40:00.001-06:00

Today is the first day of December.... and the LAST developmental review session, the LAST prelab, and my LAST lab dissection.

It is a beautiful day, and I thought I'd share. :)

17 days til freedom!

I'm coming home.. to the place where I belong...

2009-11-24T20:27:00.002-06:00

It's the night before the final "regular" biochem test, and instead of studying, I find myself completely distracted. Tomorrow marks the first time I've gone home since the semester started... And it's a funny feeling. I'm incredibly excited to see family and friends that I haven't seen in WAY too long, and to celebrate Thanksgiving... but then again, school is looming. Comprehensive finals and boards are right around the corner. There's not enough time to do it all, and what am I doing? That's right. I'm taking a few days off.

I'll probably regret it later, but I'll regret it sooner if I lose my sanity before the final stretch even begins. At some point over the weekend, I'll resume studying. I'll wait as long as possible. I'll probably almost lose my mind next week. But some things just can't be replaced. The joy of the holiday season with family, after being away for so long thus far and going through so much, is one of those things. I don't think anyone can truly understand unless you've been here. And this isn't a "down on med school" post. More just "I'm tired. I'm really tired." I'm ready for a REAL break. Not this time when you're supposed to be enjoying life and professors are screaming out the back door "don't forget to pack the skull!" - Ok, maybe they didn't exactly say that... but that's the point.

And my point? I really don't think I had one tonight. Just was looking for something else to do besides study. Anything else. Because I just don't know how much more I can take. Lord, bring lunchtime tomorrow quickly!!!

Just another week in the life of an M1

2009-11-17T07:53:00.002-06:00

Things are plugging along here in M1 world. One week and one day until the last regular biochem test. Then "just" a comprehensive final and boards to go. BTW, any of my M2-M4 buddies have any boards tips? (I need all the help I can get on that one).

Yesterday we had a very easy day lecture-wise, and I returned to the NICU for rounds with Dr. K and her residents. I have to tell you guys, she's just the most compassionate, caring attending... definitely giving me a possible false impression of the rest of them... ha! She asked me a few questions, but didn't pimp anyone. I'm glad I did my research so I didn't look like an idiot in front of the residents, but it wasn't intimidating at all. Best of everything, we got to tell a Mom her baby can finally go home! Those are the stories that make the specialty so worth it.

Blackboard has finally decided to work, so I suppose I'll learn a little about the eye (blech) before I go up to the histo lab. However, it's 39 degrees this morning and all I'm thinking about is Christmas break.... (hence the new background).

Praises: My friend Lacey is home from MN and doing great! Her surgery went beautiful and her recovery continues to be a blessing.
Continued Prayers: As always, the NICU babies (I left my heart with them), friends, family, and unspokens. And an uneventful end to biochem!

Amazing week-end turns into amazing weekend!

2009-11-14T21:20:00.002-06:00

Friday's biochem test turned out much, much better than I was hoping for. Pleased to see one of my higher grades in the class so far! Only 3 more tests (one regular, comp final, and boards) until the world of biochem goes away for a while...(until Step 1 prep)

The rest of yesterday was pretty darn good as well... and then today I went to JFC for the first time. What a ministry! I was in awe of the privilege I was given and the gratitude of the patients. My first blood draws went great - must run in the family. Mom's a great stick :)

Football today = amazing, as of replays and what I can gather. Hotty Toddy! Looking forward to a Saints victory tomorrow as well.

For the rest of the weekend, I'm getting my gross on. Weren't things much easier when we were kids and the bone of the head was the "skull"? Yeah, not so much anymore...

I've also got to do my research for Rounds in the NICU monday. Looking forward to a self-made long weekend :)

This is why I press on...

2009-11-11T21:11:00.002-06:00

Friday in the NICU was like coming home... I realized, after much too long of an absence, that I was indeed back where I belonged. Not only is God doing great things in my life now, He's continuing to prepare the way for me to show His love and blessings to those in need. There's something about watching a 500 gram baby cling to life that leaves me awestruck at His creation everytime. Even on the littlest ones, the sickest ones, those with birth defects or infection - the absolute PERFECTION of His plan is amazing. Tiny fingers, tiny toes, tiny eyelashes. It's every bit perfect. And these angels, whether sent to us for a short time and then called Home or sent here to defy the odds - absolutely make my journey worth it every single day.

In boring, med school related news, Friday's phys test went just fine. Biochem is this Friday. I'm seeking redemption following the metabolism (older med students will recognize this as the "Dr. W & Dr. H test") disaster. I've tried a few new techniques this time... and although I'd jump for joy at a really GOOD grade, passing will make me happy. Biochem is OVER in less than 37 days, praise the Lord!

Sweet November..

2009-11-05T10:17:00.003-06:00

So I realize that I haven't posted in quite a while.. decided it was time for an update. Blacktober is OVER and we survived, for the most part. The last round of Gross/Developmental grades are up and I was pleased. These days, having more tests behind me is the most pleasing part!

43 days til Christmas break. 15 more tests to go.

I start shadowing in the NICU at Wiser tomorrow, quite excited about that. I've missed the babies. Looking forward to getting back in the clinical setting and reminding myself what we're going through all this for.

Congrats to HemeOncDoc for passing Step 1!!!!!!!

Update... and 50 days til christmas!

2009-10-29T08:25:00.001-05:00

Lacey is doing wonderfully. Continue your prayers that her pain would lessen so that her therapy can proceed quickly and she will only strengthen from here on out. Glory to God!

I got my H1N1 shot this morning. Yay, shots. Ha. I just don't have time for the swine flu in the midst of first-year craziness.

In mention of M1 craziness, we have two tests tomorrow (Biochem, Histo) and three on Monday (Gross Practical & Written, Developmental Anat) followed by Physio next friday. Continue to pray for our class as we are just so absolutely exhausted at this point. FIFTY DAYS TO GO!!!! This is gonna be the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny effin Kay!

Next friday afternoon I start shadowing in the NICU. So very excited :)

A special prayer request..

2009-10-25T22:33:00.003-05:00

This post has nothing to do with med school, but I have a good friend that has traveled to University of MN Medical Center for a pancreatectomy, splenectomy, and appendectomy with auto islet cell transplant tomorrow morning, and we would appreciate any prayers you have sent her way!

She has been suffering with chronic pancreatitis for 12.5 years. Dr. Sutherland at University of MN does this procedure, which is among the only in the country proven to provide relief for patients like her. The surgery is scheduled to begin at 7:40 am and will last between 9 and 16 hours. Please remember Lacey & her family (including her husband, Jeremy, and their 10 month old daughter Elyse) in your prayers.

Her testimony can be viewed here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hv8MIz5oJ8s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwFJlEzFkgA&feature=related

It's an amazing story, and she's an amazing person. May the Lord be with them tomorrow, and promise her many, many pain-free days to fulfill His purposes!

The sun is shining....

2009-10-19T12:14:00.002-05:00

... and Blacktober, Round 1 is OVER!!!
The histology team is wonderful. Frequent rest stops, lots of candy... That was one of the least painful tests since we started med school. About time, too. We're all exhausted, dazed, and confused. Walking around like zombies.
Unfortunately that "awesome" histology team has scheduled a lecture and lab for this afternoon, so no sleep for the weary yet. But oh - it is coming. And it is going to be SO sweet.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 116:7-9)

I see the light...

2009-10-16T21:47:00.005-05:00

I've almost made it through. Monday marks the final 2 of the test block. I never thought it would come. I've pulled decent grades out, wasn't as happy with this biochem as I could've been, but after the exhaustive state under which I took the test, I felt pretty good with the outcome.

In other news, we had a very emotionally intense lab today, in which we trisected our cadaver. I'm still trying to figure that one out. Personally, I thought she was fine in one piece. Definitely the most disturbing lab ever... just in time for halloween, the 7th floor is full of legs... ahh.

I'm trying my best not to get overly ill, but the exhaustion has settled into my lungs as an asthma flareup. I wore an awesome mickey-mouse mask (thanks, peds clinic!) during lab today to keep the bone fragments out and my cough in - even though I'm pretty sure I'm not contagious at all, with all the flu stuff, people are wary. For me, it's a combination: lots of germs around (never sat in a classroom with 120+ people during cold/flu season), not enough sleep, and change of weather... which, although it has made me ill, is absolutely AMAZING. I LOVE the cold.

Time to finish the white chicken chili I've got cooking and start preparing for Monday's massacre by histo...

Two asides: It's been exactly a year since I got accepted. How much has changed in a year... Congratulations to the first members of the UMC Class of 2014!!! Enjoy this time!!

Second: VOTE FOR BATSON if you haven't done so yet. Voting ends in an hour!! xbox.childrensmiraclenetwork.org

I love Peds people..

2009-10-08T19:11:00.002-05:00

It's been a good week, all things considering. The tests: 8 in 10 days - start tomorrow. NOT excited.

However, we had Peds Career Development today. I talked with Dr. P after and told her I wanted to come spend some time with them. She got me in touch with the NICU docs (already, jeez she works fast!) and I have several days in Oct- November that I'm going to go "play".

In addition, she recommended me for the summer research program and said there was a great chance I could do that in the NICU too.

Maybe this day in, day out struggle really is worth it....
I can't wait to be the babydoc.

(On that note, go vote xbox.childrensmiraclenetwork.org for our kids a new playroom!)